Coming off the heals of prior discussions about my family history, negativity, and the belief that there is a curse, I thought I'd share a thought provoking article with you. It reconfirms the principles I've been trying to embrace which is, luck is not genetic, only learned behaviors, misperceptions, and failure to accept responsibility is. While many of us are suffering at the hands of some pretty trying circumstances, I think this article hits the nail on the head when it suggests that too many people succumb to "fatalism," rather than exercising some means of control. I hope you enjoy.
Bad Luck Article
"The harder you work, the luckier you get." -Gary Player
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY CAN MAKE
I have a dear friend. She is old enough to be my mother and very wise. I have always been able to take my problems to her. When I have, she has reminded me of one very clear mantra she lives her life by, "what a difference a day can make!" Her motto rings true for almost every bad situation I've ever been through. It may be a day, a week, a month, or a year, but what a difference a small period of time can lend. I wish people contemplating suicide would understand this concept.
You can be sick as the dickens, and a week later feel great. You can be lonely and hurt, nursing the wounds of a relationship gone bad, and a year later be engaged to be married. Or in my case, you can be devastated over a career opportunity, and a month later be accepting an offer for the very job you just got turned down for. I have seen this concept put to test hundreds of times, and it always rings true.
If you recall in my, THE WORLD IS ON FIRE post, I complained of being out of a job and struggling to find work in a creative field. Fearful I would have to return back to the trade I had fought to get away from, I was beginning to lose hope in this new career path I'd chosen. So far, all it has done was lead me to the unemployment line. But with only three weeks of unemployment compensation left, and the paralyzing fear that I was not going to find a job at all, much less one in my new field, I landed the exact position I had applied and been turned down for in August. This is nothing shy of a miracle.
On August 22 I wrote, "Right now I stand nervously awaiting a decision that affects my present and my future. I have done all that I can to influence things in what I hope is a positive way. The rest is up to God. Here's to hoping the push, enables a pull in the right direction for me. Only time will tell."
The decision I was referring to was about a job offer that was likely to determine whether or not I was going to stick with pursuing my passions, or return back to my former line of work. The news I heard that day was that someone else had been chosen for the position. But time has told a different story. The same position re-opened at this company and I was selected :-)
"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours."- Henry David Thoreau
You can be sick as the dickens, and a week later feel great. You can be lonely and hurt, nursing the wounds of a relationship gone bad, and a year later be engaged to be married. Or in my case, you can be devastated over a career opportunity, and a month later be accepting an offer for the very job you just got turned down for. I have seen this concept put to test hundreds of times, and it always rings true.
If you recall in my, THE WORLD IS ON FIRE post, I complained of being out of a job and struggling to find work in a creative field. Fearful I would have to return back to the trade I had fought to get away from, I was beginning to lose hope in this new career path I'd chosen. So far, all it has done was lead me to the unemployment line. But with only three weeks of unemployment compensation left, and the paralyzing fear that I was not going to find a job at all, much less one in my new field, I landed the exact position I had applied and been turned down for in August. This is nothing shy of a miracle.
On August 22 I wrote, "Right now I stand nervously awaiting a decision that affects my present and my future. I have done all that I can to influence things in what I hope is a positive way. The rest is up to God. Here's to hoping the push, enables a pull in the right direction for me. Only time will tell."
The decision I was referring to was about a job offer that was likely to determine whether or not I was going to stick with pursuing my passions, or return back to my former line of work. The news I heard that day was that someone else had been chosen for the position. But time has told a different story. The same position re-opened at this company and I was selected :-)
"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours."- Henry David Thoreau
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
FURTHER EMOTIONAL EXCAVATION
I have had a terrific week of exercise and diet and a really calm sense of control this week. I attest it to my spiritual studies. I am diving deeper into the Lousie Hay and Wayne Dyer books. I have compiled a few more notes to share with you...
"If you lived with people who were angry, unhappy, frightened, or guilty than you learned a lot of negative things about yourself and the world..."
This simple statement could not be truer of anyone more than me. I did grow up in a very chaotic household with parents that were every emotion but happy. They also had a very grim outlook as a result of their life experiences. It was never really instilled in me to be joyous, happy, or carefree, nor was I taught that the world or my home was a safe place. I lived most of my days in survival mode with the constant suspicion that any happy moments were sure to be short lived and followed up with something tragic.
I was convinced that because my home is free of the yelling, fighting, and discord of my childhood that all was well with me. I failed to realize that I had inadvertently carried with me the fear and negativity. Louise Hay says that we have a tendency to re-create the emotional environment of our early home life. In my case, I married a very calm and gentle man and left behind the physical and emotional abuse that was inflicted by my father. But, I carried with me the fear and anxiety that my mother felt as a victim trapped in the situation. The unhappy childhood that both my parents experienced, along with the struggles of their adult life, made them very negative people. This, in turn, was passed down to me.
My parents were not taught how to love themselves, therefore, it was impossible for them to teach me how to love myself. For years our family has regarded itself as being under a curse, a bit of a cloud if you will. Given the long history of tragedy in our family coupled with the lack of any successful family member, I would tend to agree. But now I realize it is merely a tradition of abuse, self-loathing, fear, and negativity that has been taught, instilled, and passed down through the generations. I would like to end this tradition right now, here, today.
The light at the end of the tunnel and the redeeming message of the day comes from Hay when she says, "your lifetime events were created by things you thought and words you used in the past. It is over and done with. What you choose to think and say today creates your future. It does not matter for how long you have had a negative pattern. The point of power is in the present moment."
Such simple, yet, concrete, advice has gotten me to look at the patterns in my life, including my negative and fearful eating patterns. Amazing how I've been able to change that this week.
"What we believe about ourselves and about life becomes true for us." - Louise L. Hay
"If you lived with people who were angry, unhappy, frightened, or guilty than you learned a lot of negative things about yourself and the world..."
This simple statement could not be truer of anyone more than me. I did grow up in a very chaotic household with parents that were every emotion but happy. They also had a very grim outlook as a result of their life experiences. It was never really instilled in me to be joyous, happy, or carefree, nor was I taught that the world or my home was a safe place. I lived most of my days in survival mode with the constant suspicion that any happy moments were sure to be short lived and followed up with something tragic.
I was convinced that because my home is free of the yelling, fighting, and discord of my childhood that all was well with me. I failed to realize that I had inadvertently carried with me the fear and negativity. Louise Hay says that we have a tendency to re-create the emotional environment of our early home life. In my case, I married a very calm and gentle man and left behind the physical and emotional abuse that was inflicted by my father. But, I carried with me the fear and anxiety that my mother felt as a victim trapped in the situation. The unhappy childhood that both my parents experienced, along with the struggles of their adult life, made them very negative people. This, in turn, was passed down to me.
My parents were not taught how to love themselves, therefore, it was impossible for them to teach me how to love myself. For years our family has regarded itself as being under a curse, a bit of a cloud if you will. Given the long history of tragedy in our family coupled with the lack of any successful family member, I would tend to agree. But now I realize it is merely a tradition of abuse, self-loathing, fear, and negativity that has been taught, instilled, and passed down through the generations. I would like to end this tradition right now, here, today.
The light at the end of the tunnel and the redeeming message of the day comes from Hay when she says, "your lifetime events were created by things you thought and words you used in the past. It is over and done with. What you choose to think and say today creates your future. It does not matter for how long you have had a negative pattern. The point of power is in the present moment."
Such simple, yet, concrete, advice has gotten me to look at the patterns in my life, including my negative and fearful eating patterns. Amazing how I've been able to change that this week.
"What we believe about ourselves and about life becomes true for us." - Louise L. Hay
Friday, September 16, 2011
SWEATASTIC!
Ahhh......the Fall weather is here. I couldn't be happier. We had temperatures dip into the forties overnight. What a great time to go outside and do things! I love the brisk weather. I look forward to the mild days and cool nights of Autumn. I can actually be active all day long without needing to take a shower every 30 minutes! This is sweatastic!
For those of you who don't know me personally, I have a serious sweating problem. Always have, always will. It is one of those things that you never get used to. I can break into a massive sweat over almost anything- mild exertion, bright lights, change in temperature, anxiety. It is a curse I inherited from my father, and one that has plagued me my entire life. I have never been able to take a decent photograph outdoors, wear any kind of formal-wear, use heavy make-up, or move around in any kind of active manner without being soaked in a matter of seconds. This is a horrible thing to content with, especially as a girl. Women just aren't supposed to sweat! They are always characterized as being cold. How did I get so lucky?!
Imagine not only being self-conscious about your size, but also having to worry that you will be seen raining all over yourself! And of course the two get connected, fat and sweaty, even though in my case, my size has nothing to do with my sweating problem. I have always sweated like this, even when I was a size 6. It is just a family curse that got handed down to me. The juiceman is the same way. Incredibly healthy, incredibly fit, but incredibly fast to break a sweat. My brother seems to have escaped this jinx and I don't believe I've ever seen my mother sweat a day in her life! But for me, life has been different.
For those of you concerned that I might have a medical problem, relax, it appears I am perfectly healthy. In fact, the doctor seems to enjoy telling me just how healthy it is to sweat. Easy for him to say. He's not the one having to carry a sweat towel and a jumbo bottle of water with him everywhere he goes. So the one thing I look forward to every year is the cooler temperatures. It seems to keep me idling at a less intense pace. I am very tolerant of the cold and enjoy a walk or jog in the brisk air. I love sleeping with the windows cracked, burying myself under the covers, and watching the cool air fill the room. I know...I'm different :-) I love the trees changing colors and the rustle of leaves outside my window.
I know this may be a bit premature as I'm sure we still have some warm days ahead of us, but for right now, I'm going to accept this Fall preview! I am going to take advantage of this weather and go outside for some exercise, do some fall cleaning, and take care of some work around the house. With temperatures in the sixties all week, I can't imagine a better week to do it!
"Winter is an etching, spring a watercolor, summer an oil painting and autumn a mosaic of them all." -Stanley Horowitz
For those of you who don't know me personally, I have a serious sweating problem. Always have, always will. It is one of those things that you never get used to. I can break into a massive sweat over almost anything- mild exertion, bright lights, change in temperature, anxiety. It is a curse I inherited from my father, and one that has plagued me my entire life. I have never been able to take a decent photograph outdoors, wear any kind of formal-wear, use heavy make-up, or move around in any kind of active manner without being soaked in a matter of seconds. This is a horrible thing to content with, especially as a girl. Women just aren't supposed to sweat! They are always characterized as being cold. How did I get so lucky?!
Imagine not only being self-conscious about your size, but also having to worry that you will be seen raining all over yourself! And of course the two get connected, fat and sweaty, even though in my case, my size has nothing to do with my sweating problem. I have always sweated like this, even when I was a size 6. It is just a family curse that got handed down to me. The juiceman is the same way. Incredibly healthy, incredibly fit, but incredibly fast to break a sweat. My brother seems to have escaped this jinx and I don't believe I've ever seen my mother sweat a day in her life! But for me, life has been different.
For those of you concerned that I might have a medical problem, relax, it appears I am perfectly healthy. In fact, the doctor seems to enjoy telling me just how healthy it is to sweat. Easy for him to say. He's not the one having to carry a sweat towel and a jumbo bottle of water with him everywhere he goes. So the one thing I look forward to every year is the cooler temperatures. It seems to keep me idling at a less intense pace. I am very tolerant of the cold and enjoy a walk or jog in the brisk air. I love sleeping with the windows cracked, burying myself under the covers, and watching the cool air fill the room. I know...I'm different :-) I love the trees changing colors and the rustle of leaves outside my window.
I know this may be a bit premature as I'm sure we still have some warm days ahead of us, but for right now, I'm going to accept this Fall preview! I am going to take advantage of this weather and go outside for some exercise, do some fall cleaning, and take care of some work around the house. With temperatures in the sixties all week, I can't imagine a better week to do it!
"Winter is an etching, spring a watercolor, summer an oil painting and autumn a mosaic of them all." -Stanley Horowitz
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
THE MIND BODY CONNECTION
So I've been trying my darnedest to get to the root of the problem. Clearly I have hit the wall with my weight-loss efforts. These last few months have been among my toughest. The circumstances surrounding my life has made my mind a battlefield and my body the casualty of all this stress and discord. It got me to thinking about alternative methods. When someone falls ill with a sickness that can't be properly diagnosed, often a battery of different treatments from medicine to acupuncture are prescribed in the hopes that something will work. If I were to apply the same level of thinking to my own physical dilemma, I might find the cure in the most unlikely of places. Maybe my weight is not just about how much I eat or exercise.
In an attempt to control my stress and improve mental clarity, I have begun reading some books on self awareness. One is, You Can Heal Your Life (Gift Edition)
by Lousie L. Hay. The tile alone causes a loud chuckle as visions of comedy sketches with women crying in the self-help isle of the bookstore dance in my mind. The other book is, There's a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem
by Wayne W. Dyer. While I am only a few pages in, I can tell you both these books have caused me to have some pretty strong "a-ha" moments. I find it no coincidence that with each turn of the page, I have had better luck with health and fitness.
For this reason, I would like to share with you the points of interest that have lead me to having better days, in hopes that it will help you too. This will be an ongoing process where I post as discoveries are made. Today's discoveries are as follows:
"I have the power to create my own circumstances." Seems like a simple thought, I know, but when you grow up with the mindset that you are a VICTUM of life circumstances it becomes very empowering to shift that perspective to a sense of control. Yes, life can throw us curve balls, but it is important to know that we have the ability to choose, create, manage, react, duck, retaliate, and defend. There is a duality to this. I may not have control over everything, yet I have control over almost anything. I am a player in this game of life. I can either give it my best shot or sit on the sidelines.
The second thing is the notion that we create, or at least contribute, to all illness in the body. Now hold on, I'm not suggesting that an ill person is responsible for giving themselves Cancer. What I'm suggesting is that there is a strong mind-body connection and any disease of the mind can quickly manifest into a disease of the body. Given the numerous studies on stress and its affect on the body, I would think no one would look to challenge me on this point. I am sure my obesity as of late has had a lot more to do with what is going on in my mind, than what is going on in my body. Recognizing that thoughts have power, I began to take tally of my negative thoughts. Not only were there too many to keep track of, but I was shocked at the thoughts I had about other people!
Today alone, during a very short trek out, I thought the following things about others. I pulled into a parking space aside of a car that was on the line. THOUGHT: "Nice park job buddy!" A few moments later I walked into the gym and had to sidestep a woman. THOUGHT: "Woo...she needs to lay off the plastic surgery!!!" On my way to the bank I saw a group of people sitting on the sidewalk with lunch bags. Not in the grass, not on a bench, but on the sidewalk a few steps before a stop-sign. THOUGHT: "WTF are they doing...?!?" I quickly realized that almost every thought I had was negative, especially when it came to other people! Why was I so angry and why couldn't I find something more positive to think!?
Louise Hay says that everyone suffers from self-hate. The inability to love ourself causes much harm. I didn't think I hated myself, but when I began to take note of all the hateful things I was thinking about others, it became obvious that if I am thinking these things about strangers I must, in turn, also be thinking this about myself. Dyer suggests we empty our minds of all negativity and focus on bringing joy to others. A very tough thing to do after today's snapshot on my thoughts about other people. Perhaps the negative thoughts I have about myself and others are contributing to my weight problem and my life's problems.
It really was an eye opener. I am the kind person who smiles and holds the door for every person I encounter. I am often the one playing devil's advocate and defending the person being ganged up on in a group conversation. Yet here I was with absolutely no control over the harshness of my thoughts.
**A special thanks to my friend Donna who gives great spiritual advice and makes killer book recommendations like the Louise Hay book. :-)**
“There's a whole part of your life you have no control over, that is predicated on lies, gossip, and negativity- everything that my family doesn't represent. My mom and I believe in positive living. Conscious living and trying to focus on things that make your family happy. It's not always possible, but it's important to strive for it.” -Kate Hudson
In an attempt to control my stress and improve mental clarity, I have begun reading some books on self awareness. One is, You Can Heal Your Life (Gift Edition)
by Lousie L. Hay. The tile alone causes a loud chuckle as visions of comedy sketches with women crying in the self-help isle of the bookstore dance in my mind. The other book is, There's a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem by Wayne W. Dyer. While I am only a few pages in, I can tell you both these books have caused me to have some pretty strong "a-ha" moments. I find it no coincidence that with each turn of the page, I have had better luck with health and fitness. For this reason, I would like to share with you the points of interest that have lead me to having better days, in hopes that it will help you too. This will be an ongoing process where I post as discoveries are made. Today's discoveries are as follows:
"I have the power to create my own circumstances." Seems like a simple thought, I know, but when you grow up with the mindset that you are a VICTUM of life circumstances it becomes very empowering to shift that perspective to a sense of control. Yes, life can throw us curve balls, but it is important to know that we have the ability to choose, create, manage, react, duck, retaliate, and defend. There is a duality to this. I may not have control over everything, yet I have control over almost anything. I am a player in this game of life. I can either give it my best shot or sit on the sidelines.
The second thing is the notion that we create, or at least contribute, to all illness in the body. Now hold on, I'm not suggesting that an ill person is responsible for giving themselves Cancer. What I'm suggesting is that there is a strong mind-body connection and any disease of the mind can quickly manifest into a disease of the body. Given the numerous studies on stress and its affect on the body, I would think no one would look to challenge me on this point. I am sure my obesity as of late has had a lot more to do with what is going on in my mind, than what is going on in my body. Recognizing that thoughts have power, I began to take tally of my negative thoughts. Not only were there too many to keep track of, but I was shocked at the thoughts I had about other people!
Today alone, during a very short trek out, I thought the following things about others. I pulled into a parking space aside of a car that was on the line. THOUGHT: "Nice park job buddy!" A few moments later I walked into the gym and had to sidestep a woman. THOUGHT: "Woo...she needs to lay off the plastic surgery!!!" On my way to the bank I saw a group of people sitting on the sidewalk with lunch bags. Not in the grass, not on a bench, but on the sidewalk a few steps before a stop-sign. THOUGHT: "WTF are they doing...?!?" I quickly realized that almost every thought I had was negative, especially when it came to other people! Why was I so angry and why couldn't I find something more positive to think!?
Louise Hay says that everyone suffers from self-hate. The inability to love ourself causes much harm. I didn't think I hated myself, but when I began to take note of all the hateful things I was thinking about others, it became obvious that if I am thinking these things about strangers I must, in turn, also be thinking this about myself. Dyer suggests we empty our minds of all negativity and focus on bringing joy to others. A very tough thing to do after today's snapshot on my thoughts about other people. Perhaps the negative thoughts I have about myself and others are contributing to my weight problem and my life's problems.
It really was an eye opener. I am the kind person who smiles and holds the door for every person I encounter. I am often the one playing devil's advocate and defending the person being ganged up on in a group conversation. Yet here I was with absolutely no control over the harshness of my thoughts.
**A special thanks to my friend Donna who gives great spiritual advice and makes killer book recommendations like the Louise Hay book. :-)**
“There's a whole part of your life you have no control over, that is predicated on lies, gossip, and negativity- everything that my family doesn't represent. My mom and I believe in positive living. Conscious living and trying to focus on things that make your family happy. It's not always possible, but it's important to strive for it.” -Kate Hudson
Friday, September 2, 2011
DISAPPEARING INTO THE ABYSS
I don't know what to say. I've had a tough time as of late. Things have been out of control and I have not done a very good job of coping. If you are one of those people who look forward to sunny reports on health and fitness, you have tuned into the wrong blog my friend. I've wrestled with the notion of keeping this space all about goal achievement and drive; making this forum one of accomplishment and cheer where no topic outside of wellness makes an appearance. But that just isn't reality for me. I have way too many personal demons to conquer before that can happen. For those of you who are able to do that, I applaud you. But it certainly isn't my experience, and if it isn't my experience there must be others out there who feel the same. Yes, how nice it would be to keep every post on topic. But if this journey has taught me anything, it is that everything is connected. Every thought, experience, upset, and win is connected to how we eat and why. Some of us eat out of depression, others eat out of loneliness, and some to celebrate. Me...I eat for all those reasons. To ignore all the issues going on around me and to only speak about weight-loss is to have missed the point completely. I want to give a voice to everything. And by giving a voice to other things, I am in turn, giving a voice to my own discord. I am pumping up the volume on the voice inside my head that makes me reach for the cheesecake.
I can tell you that voice has been very loud lately. Just a decibel below scream. It has caused me to cope with my problems in the only way I know how- a reckless and indulgent style of eating. That decision has cost me some time and triumph. The goal I set for losing another twenty-five pounds is breathing down my neck and I am no where near the finish line. I must face the fact that the first concrete goal I have set for myself is about to be missed. No Schwinn bicycle for me! But I want you all to know that I am still in the race. I can do this and I WILL do this! Maybe not as quickly or as easily as once believed, but it will happen. There is no journey without setbacks. Sometimes these moments are what teach us how to go on. I have had to pick myself back up again. The biggest lesson learned: food hasn't fixed any of it. It hasn't put me closer to God. It hasn't put me in a career. It hasn't fixed my finances or led me to any kind of awakening other than the one I'm having right now. The one that says why do you keep using food for things it can't possibly provide?
Good question. Because we all use something for comfort. While I haven't had any big bowls of macaroni and cheese lately, nor have I gone on any major binges (I guess there's been some improvement) I haven't plugged forward. I haven't continued with the behavior that is going to lead me to success. I have allowed life's problems to overwhelm me and stagnate me into the abyss. As if adding one more problem to the list, obesity, is going to solve my other dilemmas. LOL
A few posts ago I alluded to some news I was awaiting. If you haven't guessed, I didn't receive the news I was hoping for. It devastated me. It was the bad cream on top of an already burned cake. But I must regroup. I remain hopeful. I will once again trust that everything happens for a reason and that the lessons gained out of this experience will one day overshadow the anguish of it. I hope today is that day. I can not promise that all future posts will be cheery, but I am committing myself to moving forward. Hang in there with me. This is far from over. Thank you for your patience, understanding, and support. I look forward to bringing you regular posts again and hope you will be there to share in that with me.
“If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution.” ~Author Unknown
I can tell you that voice has been very loud lately. Just a decibel below scream. It has caused me to cope with my problems in the only way I know how- a reckless and indulgent style of eating. That decision has cost me some time and triumph. The goal I set for losing another twenty-five pounds is breathing down my neck and I am no where near the finish line. I must face the fact that the first concrete goal I have set for myself is about to be missed. No Schwinn bicycle for me! But I want you all to know that I am still in the race. I can do this and I WILL do this! Maybe not as quickly or as easily as once believed, but it will happen. There is no journey without setbacks. Sometimes these moments are what teach us how to go on. I have had to pick myself back up again. The biggest lesson learned: food hasn't fixed any of it. It hasn't put me closer to God. It hasn't put me in a career. It hasn't fixed my finances or led me to any kind of awakening other than the one I'm having right now. The one that says why do you keep using food for things it can't possibly provide?
Good question. Because we all use something for comfort. While I haven't had any big bowls of macaroni and cheese lately, nor have I gone on any major binges (I guess there's been some improvement) I haven't plugged forward. I haven't continued with the behavior that is going to lead me to success. I have allowed life's problems to overwhelm me and stagnate me into the abyss. As if adding one more problem to the list, obesity, is going to solve my other dilemmas. LOL
A few posts ago I alluded to some news I was awaiting. If you haven't guessed, I didn't receive the news I was hoping for. It devastated me. It was the bad cream on top of an already burned cake. But I must regroup. I remain hopeful. I will once again trust that everything happens for a reason and that the lessons gained out of this experience will one day overshadow the anguish of it. I hope today is that day. I can not promise that all future posts will be cheery, but I am committing myself to moving forward. Hang in there with me. This is far from over. Thank you for your patience, understanding, and support. I look forward to bringing you regular posts again and hope you will be there to share in that with me.
“If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution.” ~Author Unknown
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