I have had a terrific week of exercise and diet and a really calm sense of control this week. I attest it to my spiritual studies. I am diving deeper into the Lousie Hay and Wayne Dyer books. I have compiled a few more notes to share with you...
"If you lived with people who were angry, unhappy, frightened, or guilty than you learned a lot of negative things about yourself and the world..."
This simple statement could not be truer of anyone more than me. I did grow up in a very chaotic household with parents that were every emotion but happy. They also had a very grim outlook as a result of their life experiences. It was never really instilled in me to be joyous, happy, or carefree, nor was I taught that the world or my home was a safe place. I lived most of my days in survival mode with the constant suspicion that any happy moments were sure to be short lived and followed up with something tragic.
I was convinced that because my home is free of the yelling, fighting, and discord of my childhood that all was well with me. I failed to realize that I had inadvertently carried with me the fear and negativity. Louise Hay says that we have a tendency to re-create the emotional environment of our early home life. In my case, I married a very calm and gentle man and left behind the physical and emotional abuse that was inflicted by my father. But, I carried with me the fear and anxiety that my mother felt as a victim trapped in the situation. The unhappy childhood that both my parents experienced, along with the struggles of their adult life, made them very negative people. This, in turn, was passed down to me.
My parents were not taught how to love themselves, therefore, it was impossible for them to teach me how to love myself. For years our family has regarded itself as being under a curse, a bit of a cloud if you will. Given the long history of tragedy in our family coupled with the lack of any successful family member, I would tend to agree. But now I realize it is merely a tradition of abuse, self-loathing, fear, and negativity that has been taught, instilled, and passed down through the generations. I would like to end this tradition right now, here, today.
The light at the end of the tunnel and the redeeming message of the day comes from Hay when she says, "your lifetime events were created by things you thought and words you used in the past. It is over and done with. What you choose to think and say today creates your future. It does not matter for how long you have had a negative pattern. The point of power is in the present moment."
Such simple, yet, concrete, advice has gotten me to look at the patterns in my life, including my negative and fearful eating patterns. Amazing how I've been able to change that this week.
"What we believe about ourselves and about life becomes true for us." - Louise L. Hay
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