DAILY AFFRIMATIONS

I woke up this morning with one circulating thought in mind.  " I must embody the woman I wish myself to be."  "I must embody the woman I wish myself to be."  "I must embody the woman I wish myself to be."  "I MUST EMBODY THE WOMAN I WISH MYSELF TO BE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

I don't know where it came from but it definitely holds meaning for me.  I ended up writing this down on a post-it and taping it to my computer screen.  A few hours later it was hanging from my bathroom mirror, then the refrigerator, and eventually my body-fat scale.  I'm thinking about plastering this message all over my house!  I may have inadvertently stumbled upon a daily affirmation.

This discovery comes not a moment too soon as I believe I'm about to embark on another phase of failure.  Like you Tera, I am feeling like the teeny tiny penguin steps are about to disappear as I about face in the wrong direction.  It has been three weeks since I had a weight loss, and history tells me the frustration of that will eventually lead to a weight gain.

So before that happens I need to get my head right, accept responsibility for the situation, and empower myself to fix this!  I am capable of being whatever I want to be.  I simply must ask myself, "who is it I want to be??"  Then, like the affirmation suggests, I must embrace it!

Life is about choices, and for the life of me I can't figure out why I've made this choice.  What a waste!  When I think about how much of my life I've wasted being overweight it sickens me!  All those years spent yo-yo dieting; depriving myself of every good experience life has to offer!  Too embarrassed to put on a swimsuit, too out of shape to join the race, too large to fit the outfit, to embarrassed to have a photo taken, too ashamed to step on the scale at a doctor's appointment, too engorged to comfortably fit in an amusement park ride, too heavy to be carried over the threshold.  Think of all the moments being overweight has robbed you of! 

So starting today I am not only going to begin each morning reminding myself to embrace the woman I wish to be, but I am also prepared to ask myself a very important question.  "Is this what I want to be doing?"  Every time I reach my hand into the cookie jar, every time I sit in front of the TV, every time I chose a behavior that is counterproductive to my weight loss goals I will ask myself, "is this what I want to be doing?"  The writers at O magazine say, "this very moment is, always, the only moment in which you can make changes. Ask yourself many times every day if you like what you're doing.  If the answer is no, start making some changes."

Tera, I empathize with your situation and I too struggle with priorities versus my own needs.  Life is a balancing act, but at the end of the day we owe ourselves more than just a cupcake.  Find a way to value your own needs as much as you value your family's.  If it means asking grandma to keep the kids an hour later while you go workout, or asking hubby to be in charge of certain chores on certain days, it is imperative that you find time enough for yourself to be healthy and set a lifestyle example for your boys.

"Usually when we are stuck it is because we are clinging to a situation that has outlived its usefulness or we are unwilling to explore a new risk that we sense we must take." -Julia Cameron

Day 149 and counting

Jennifer, I LOVE your egg muffin recipe. I know what I'm making tonight for breakfast tomorrow! = ) Not really sure how I feel about the asparagus though. That's one veggie that I begrudgingly consume when the hubby is hungry for it. I don't think its the taste but rather the smell. The soup sounds good though. = D That's something that is really tough for me with my schedule. EATING BREAKFAST. I am often up late at night getting just basic chores and child rearing before I can even think about going to bed. Come morning, I am so tired that I sleep until the last minute, tuck a child under each arm while trying to slip my shoes on and scoot off out the door. The kids eat breakfast at Grandma's house, but I am left with fast food or no food option until lunch. By then, I am starving and seeking something fast and filling...its a ruthless cycle that requires a ton of planning ahead of time to try and break. I am a little irritated with myself, actually. I am on day 149 of my diet, and my baby steps forward are now feeling like giant elephant steps back. I am unfocused and trying to find my footing. I am trying to find balance in being a good mom and being good to myself. Being a working mom of preschoolers is difficult when everything is going well. This last month has basically been a wash, diet wise, having gone on vacation, then come home to nurse a sick family. First Ean was sick with a cold and ear infection, then Elijah came down with a double ear infection, then Ean had skin fungus on his behind, then I was sick, then John was sick, and now Ean is sick AGAIN, ear infection, double pinkeye, and respiratory infection. In addition to nursing the infirm members of my family, I have been shuttling to doctor's appointments, picking and administering prescriptions at their required intervals and cleaning/disinfecting like crazy to try to erradicate the offending germs in the house-- bleaching floors, sinks, countertops, door handles, washing sheets and airing out the house. I have been preparing meals for the "quick" factor, but quick doesn't always mean good for you. I am going to look into some new crock-pot meals to get some better dinner options going. I am completely open to suggestions. I have chicken noodle, beef stew and chili down in the crock pot, but past that point I get stuck. I am trying to get my kids more interested in different vegetables. Ean I usually don't have a problem with, in fact, on some mornings he will come to me with a can of veggies under one arm, asking for peas please! Elijah doesn't touch veggies uness you make him. I had them plant some veggie seeds in some little peat-pots: green beans, peas, tomatoes, and pumpkins. Elijah got so excited when they started to sprout! We'll put them in their little raised bed this weekend. = ) I am also committing to 10 minutes 2 x a day on my elliptical, starting tomorrow morning! My plan is to add 5 minutes per session per week, until I work up to 45 minutes per. That will put me on a slow, 6 week ramp up to build my stamina.

EASY ASPARAGUS SOUP

Canned asparagus...bluh!  Fresh asparagus...YUM!  I am on a roll with the healthy cooking this week!  I found this great recipe for asparagus soup in an old copy of Cook's Country magazine.  It was delicious!  I wish I had a photo to share, but that's how quickly this meal got gobbled up!  This recipe has a hearty helping of vegetables and hardly any fat; only a 1/4 cup of heavy cream (which I increased to a 1/2 cup for added flavor) stretched across six servings.

I've never known anybody to get fat from eating soup!  Eat up!  This soup is low on calories and a great way to meet your daily requirement of vegetables.  While this recipe is a little more involved than the Egg Muffins, it was still a snap to make!  I hope you will all give it a try!  Especially you Aunt TT!  Enjoy!

Creamy Asparagus Soup
 
Ingredients:
2 pounds asparagus, stem ends trimmed
3 tablespoons butter
2 small leeks, white & light green parts only, halved lengthwise and sliced thin
⅛ teaspoon black pepper
3 ½ cups (32-ounce carton) low-sodium chicken broth
½ cup frozen peas
2 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese
½ cup heavy cream
½ teaspoon lemon juice
Salt

Method:
1.) Cut asparagus stalks into 1/2-inch pieces. Melt butter in Dutch oven over medium heat. Add asparagus, leeks, and black pepper. Cook until vegetables are softened, stirring occasionally, about 10 minutes.

2.) Add broth and bring to a boil over medium-high heat. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer until vegetables are tender, about 5 minutes. Stir in peas and Parmesan.

3.) Puree soup using immersion or standard blender until smooth. Stir in cream and lemon juice and cook until heated through, about 2 minutes. Season to taste with salt. Serve.

EGG MUFFINS

Having enjoyed reading The Primal Blueprint, I decided to check out the companion cookbook.

There are definitely some intriguing recipes, but I would say the average person is not likely to cook this way everyday.  If you are suffering from an insulin problem like me, you definitely might find the motivation to cook like this more often, but even I am not able to make every meal a primal one.  If you recall, the primal way of eating is largely dependent on meat and vegetables and is absent of carbohydrates.  It limits dairy as well.  Check out my earlier post, The Primal Blueprint, if you need a refresher on primal eating.  

This being said, I have started to try out some recipes.  This one I found particularly easy and helpful, especially on busy mornings when you don't have time to cook a proper breakfast.  It is called "Egg Muffins."

Basically, you beat six eggs along with a 1/4 pound of cooked ground beef or sausage, a diced red bell pepper (or other vegetables of your choosing), seasoning, and an optional 1/4 cup of shredded cheese.  You pour the mixture into a muffin tin and bake at 350 degrees until they puff like a muffin (about 20 minutes).  Voilá!  You have six pre-made individual egg servings. 

I put mine in cupcake papers for easy release.  Now when my husband is running late for work in the morning, he can pop one of these bad boys in the microwave or take it on the run.  It's a perfect serving of protein that was cooked in no fats.  Check 'em out!

(Yield is 6.  I doubled the recipe for the pan you see below.)
 


"An egg a day keeps the doctor away!"

38 GOING ON 45

I didn't fare too well on my Real Age Quiz  The results came back that I am seven years older than my calendar age...blah...and I feel that way too!  I can recall taking this quiz when it first came out and I fared much better so clearly I am going downhill.  Obviously a huge impact on that number is my weight.  I think if I could get that under control as well as all the associated factors (BMI, Cholesterol, Triglycerides, etc.) I would be great!


To give you some further insight, the areas that contributed to my advanced age were as follows:


1.) Weight/BMI
2.) Slightly elevated cholesterol/triglycerides
3.) Sleep patterns
4.) Inconsistency with breakfast habits
5.) Not enough orgasms (laughter)
6.) Financial/job stress
7.) Inadequate stretching/flexibility training


I would agree with all of that.  Though with regard to number five, are most women having orgasms every single time they have sex?!?  Maybe in Europe, but not here...blhah haahahahha ha!  Perhaps I'm in the dark on this one.  Please comment if so.


Some of the things I am doing correctly are as follows:

1.) Taking vitamin supplements (which I recently updated to include cinnamon)
2.) Taking daily Aspirin 
3.) Eating nuts
4.) Drinking lots of water
5.) Engaging in regular exercise
6.) Balanced eating (limiting red meat consumption to fruits/veg intake)
7.) Happily married/good social circle

I agree with these findings too, exception being, I could do even better on my exercise routine, eating, and I feel my social circle is not as strong as it once was.  I guess I should be grateful for the results considering I have a body-fat scale at home that places me at age 50!


In youth we learn; in age we understand." -Marie Von Ebner-Eschenbach

YOUTH IN REVOLT

Time to go over the homework assignment from two weeks ago ("BEST IS YET TO COME" Post) Having gathered some feedback, I thought it might be fun to share some insight.  I was sitting in my living room last night thinking about my younger days.  Immediately a rush of thoughts came into my head about what was great and what was not so great.  Having compiled a list of pros and cons, I quickly began to weed through feelings and behaviors that were best left behind versus those that I'd love to see make a comeback.

What do I remember about my younger days?

#1 Music ruled my life!  Whether you were a child of the eighties like me, or a child of the sixties, seventies, or late nineties, do you remember how important music was to your teenage life?!  My entire life was defined by music and a better a soundtrack you could not find.  I grew up on the carefree dance beats of seventies Disco while sharing a bedroom with my older brother.  Later I danced through my pre-teen years listening to Madonna tunes.  Eventually I began to broaden my horizons to include the rap music of the early nineties.  To this day, I still love music and listen to everything from Country to Jazz to Hip-hop.  I do miss the central role music played in my everyday life.  Every feeling I had, every breakup I went through, and every aspiration I dreamed was set to a song.  Bottom line, it lifted my spirits and got me through whatever drama I was experiencing at the time.  I think it's time to turn up the music in my life again!  Stress will prematurely age you, and I forgot how quickly music can set you free!

#2 Movies told my story!  If music was the soundtrack to my life than movies were definitely the visual.  Do you remember how important certain films were to your experience??  No one could articulate the feelings and emotions of youth the way that John Hughes did.  He defined an entire generation with his movies because in the immortal words of DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince, "Parents Just Don't Understand!"  I can recall seeing a Christina Slater movie called Pump Up the Volume that had me so worked up I was ready to lead my own youth revolt!  Movies have the power to inspire passion and make you think, but I'm not sure the movies of this generation are quite as controversial or thought provoking.  When I get the blues, I still love to pop in a favorite 80's movie like Sixteen Candles or St. Elmo's Fire.   It instantly lifts my mood and brings a smile to my face.

#3 Friends were everything!  Holy crow, do you remember how much of your time was spent socializing?!  I used to talk to my best friend fifty times a day!  We'd go to school together, hang out together, and talk on the phone every night.  Every family crisis, social crisis, and beauty crisis could be solved by a good friend.  I still think that is true!  Sadly, you are in a very lucky minority if you still spend that much time with friends.  Most of my social time revolves around my husband and family.  I think we all need to find a way to grow our social circles to include more time with close friends.

#4 Boys were all that mattered!  Hours upon hours spent kissing.  When is the last time you made out!?  Not had sex, but made out?!  Nuff said.  I think I need to revamp a few things in my love life ;-)

#5 Personal time was abundant!  OMG do I long for the days where I would lay in the sun with freshly painted toenails flipping through the pages of fashion magazines!  Getting that kind of personal time now is a near impossibility, but I do think being neglectful of one's self is something that we can no more afford in adult life than we could in our youth.  Do you remember how much time you would spend getting ready for a date?!?  Sometimes outfits and makeup were being planned days in advance!  Now even on special occasions I'm likely to head to my closet less than an hour before departure hoping something suitable to wear can be found.  When's the last time you truly put that much effort into yourself or your appearance?  Wow, I really need to work some pockets of time back into my week so that I may pamper myself.

#6 Spontaneity was not a foreign word!  Truth be told, I was never a fan of spontaneous decisions.  I was a planner even in my younger days.  But I was sure willing to put down homework or skip a day of work to go out and have some fun.  If the call rang through, I was changing outfits and quickly pulling myself together for an unexpected evening of fun.  I was fearless in my youth.  Riding roller coasters, driving to unknown destinations, meeting up with groups of people I barely knew, standing in a crowd of thousands during a rain storm at a rock concert, jumping off bridges into the water below; I would do anything once!  What the heck happened?!  LOL.  Maybe the reason we have trouble making friends as adults is because we are less willing to give complete strangers a try!  So maybe we can't be that irresponsible today, but we can certainly learn to embrace the feelings that come with dropping everything to go outside and play.  More time outdoors, more time in the sun, doing more athletic and less sedentary activities, including friends, and remembering to challenge yourself every once in awhile is a compromise we should all being willing to make.

So what don't I miss about my youth...??  I don't miss being absolutely wrecked by love.  I don't miss the social prison- the turmoil that accommodated being locked in a classroom for twelve years with a group of my peers.  I am so glad that I have matured and developed into a person that can better manage my feelings when people disappoint me.   I don't miss feeling powerless when I was forced to answer to parents and teachers and clergy about my every move.  And I don't miss the inability to be able to see past the moment.  Everything is so catastrophic when you are young!  I miss the drinking but NOT the hangovers!  I miss the worship that comes with owning your own car, but NOT begging for rides.  I miss having a teen idol, but life is better with a real-life husband.  I miss being able to look flawless with little to no effort, but I wouldn't exchange the wisdom of my old age for the beauty of that time.  I think happiness and feeling young is about embracing the good things of your youth while leaving behind some of the harder lessons.  Reflecting in this, I hope to make each future birthday a blessing rather than a curse.  Tune in tomorrow for the results of my Real Age quiz.

"There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age." -Sophia Loren

Peek-a-boo

Greetings and salutations, still here folks and getting back from *vacation* which moreover translates to an extended weekend stay 4 hours away from home at my brother in law's house, followed by 5 days of screaming children with fevers and ear infections because mommy was too retarded and HAD to take them to the zoo on a windy day full of other snotty nosed kids who were probably contageous. Blah. Typing this at 3:44 am CST, monitoring a fever. AND now my nose is stopped up.

Will give you the fat and the skinny on my munching habits this week and some money saving coupon cutting tips that I've recently been introduced to. Couponing as a sport? Yes please. Better than playing soccer with the "twins."

Jennifer, hang in there girl! I know exactly what you mean with the "where's my bail out' I will try to give you a jingle tomorrow at a decent hour as long as I can hear out of my ears well enough so I don't make you deaf from overly loud vocal compensation!

WHERE'S MY F*CKIN' BAILOUT!?

I just spent 90 minutes on the phone with a debt counsellor only for him to tell me what I already know.  "You're credit scores are excellent."  "You're mortgage is current."  "You're not behind on any of your bills." (here comes the kicker)  "You're actually using less than 35% of the credit available to you- the agencies like to see that!"  (I must be imagining I'm in debt)  "So there isn't a lot we can offer you...I can't recommend bankruptcy and in order for us to work with the credit card companies we have to demonstrate an inability to pay...uh...yeah...have a nice life!"  "Come see us again when you've been completely reckless with your credit and spending!"  Basically after they humiliatingly examine every aspect of your life with a fine-tooth comb, they deliver the news that there is nothing they can do for you!

This was the crap I had to listen to AFTER having heard a similar song and dance from my credit union the day before.  The same credit union that told my husband they couldn't issue him a low-interest credit card like mine, because he had too many open lines of credit with other banks. Then close those and give us the lower interest card please!  It should be no surprise that it took us a little more than a year to be returning to them now in credit card debt.  "What's that?" "You couldn't give us a low-interest credit card back when we had no debt, but now that we are in debt from our high-interest card you recommend we apply for a loan???"  No debt = not trustworthy; Debt = trustworthy enough for a loan??  And then let me guess, you'll deny the loan based on the amount of debt we're currently carrying...??  I'm done with them too!

Why are there so many bankruptcies in this country??  Maybe it's because we offer absolutely no real help until your destitute!  So much for an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.  There seems to be a lack of help in this country for those who are genuinely trying to be responsible and stop a problem before it's a devastating catastrophe.  We don't prevent disease in this country, only cure.  Excuse me, I mean treat!  I know my health insurance isn't willing to pay jack sh*t for my insulin problem, but a representative said it will pay once I am full-blown Diabetic!  When I attempted to get nutritional counseling before my weight skyrocketed, I was told my insurance wouldn't cover it but guess what, If I balloon up to 600 pounds than it will cover Bariatric surgery.  Great!

We want to talk about all the Americans losing their homes in foreclosures and the number of people who are one paycheck away from being in the street, but we don't have any help for you until you are paycheck-less and in the street.  I can't tell you how many times I've tried to refinance my mortgage in the last two years with no success.  "Take advantage of the rates!"  "Take advantage of the rates!"  Well apparently home values have plummeted making it near impossible to "take advantage of the rates!" but I didn't see my property taxes come down any!  Funny, my home value has been negatively affected when it comes to refinancing my mortgage, but when it comes to accessing my taxes I live in a mansion!  They've got everything set up in this country to screw you! We don't help American families from accumulating debt; we only help to bail them out once it's beyond repair!  BTW, I decided to keep track of some things this week and I don't mean my spending.  In two days time my husband and I received in the mail offers for credit from the following banks:

-Citibank (2)
-Discover (1)
-American Express (2)
-Chase Manhattan (4) (they want us in debt baaad!)
-Slate (1)
-Barclays (1)

We get this many credit card applications in the mail every single day!  Huh, doesn't seem like they are all that concerned about saving trees or the environment when it comes to junk mail, only when it comes to paperless billing... 


"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it." - Bob Hope

FAT AND BROKE

There are two things that I am sick to death of.  Being FAT and being BROKE!  I think we are plenty aware of the first problem, so let me tell you more about my other problem.  Like most Americans, I have credit card debt.  I didn't used to, nor have I ever struggled with paying a balance down, but changes in employment, the burden of a new mortgage, and recent increases in the cost of living has left me with some pretty hefty debt.  Debt that I am not comfortable carrying.  I haven't missed a payment, I'm not late or behind, and we have a very positive credit score.  No one seems to be concerned that our savings is nil, our debt-to-income ratio is climbing, and too much money is being wasted on unnecessary interest payments.  No one seems to be noticing or caring except for us that is.  We've been rewarded with even more credit and higher limits, despite what I feel is a clear inability to pay!

Why am I upset with the banks and not myself??  First off, I am upset with myself.  I am smarter than the average bear and my keen sense of mistrust coupled with stubbornness and cynicism generally keeps me out of trouble.  Well, at least this kind of trouble.  I feel a bunch of circumstances beyond my control has landed me in a more vulnerable position than usual and the banks have taken full advantage!

I am a credit union girl.  I have a low-interest card that for the most part keeps me happy.  But my husband had a few other cards that aren't so generous with regard to low interest rates and fees.  Not having access to my card, he began using some of his cards and eventually so did I.  All of a sudden, our ability to pay them off each month began to slide.  After years of not carrying a balance, you would think the banks would become concerned.  But instead, they began to respond in the most unusual of ways.  They started raising the limits on all our cards and sending us letters that highlight our credit worthiness.  Huh.  Then they started sending us applications for more credit cards despite our already new higher limits.  We of course, turned them down.  We were put on notice that our interest rates would be increasing significantly due to changes in the economic environment.  Well that kinda sucks since we had started to carry a balance.  How convenient for the banks.  Now we began to pay a little more feverishly on the balances.  With the increase in interest we were, in fact, budgeting more toward our debt, but seeing less of a reduction in the balance.  I noticed that the payment date changed every month, making it difficult to keep at the forefront of my mind when a particular bill was due.  Simultaneously, I noticed a decrease in the alerts telling me a bill was due.  Many banks switched to paperless billing, meaning a missed email or accidental delivery to your spam box could make you not aware you even have a bill coming due.  This seemed to save the banks mailing costs while also gaining them more dollars in late fees.  Good deal for them, not such a good deal for you.  But hey, don't forget about the guilt induced pressure they levied on you to help the environment.

Finally, after convincing everyone to do away with paying by check, they seemed to change the response time on processing electronic payments.  Suddenly, if your due date was a Sunday, you needed to have made that payment by Friday before 5.  Some wanted it even sooner in order for it not to be considered late.  Doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of eliminating mailing time...??  If it's still going to take in upwards of three days to process my payment, why am I not just writing a check!?  Oh, that's right.  This is so you can have the money immediately, but I can still be charged as though it was late.  Gotcha!  Having been late one or two times in a year for this very reason, suddenly I was receiving notice that I had triggered some sort of penalty APR?!  My interest rate was going up to 22% because I had made the bad decision of paying four times more than what the minimum balance is, but had done so on a Friday at 9 p.m. instead of Thursday by 5, for a bill that wasn't due until Sunday.

Now I had a few questions about this "penalty APR" and the rather insulting letter that accompanied it suggesting I am now a credit risk.  First question, "explain to me how six months ago they were raising my limit without my permission because I was sooo credit worthy, but now suddenly I am a credit risk?!"  What is different NOW as compared to six months ago?!  I still live at the same address.  I still earn the same money.  I still drive the same car.  I still shop at the same stores.  "Oh I know, you gave me all this credit and now that I am actually using some of it at YOUR insistence, I am now a risk?!?"  "And by insistence I mean, you have literally bombarded me with paper checks, incentives, coupons, partnerships with my favorite retailers, phone calls, emails, AND an offer to use the card to pay my federal, state, and property taxes!?!"  Seems like sorta a dumb thing to do for someone they consider a risk?!!  You can imagine the response the not quite English speaking, brainwashed, script-reading, call center employee gave me.

To tell you how nuts I am, I sent the company (that sent me a letter stating I was now a credit risk ) a letter saying I think their excessive fees, inconsistent interest rates, and constant policy changes have made THEM a risk to MY credit and I will no longer be needing their services :-)

Here is the credit card game stated ever so eloquently by my next of kin brother.
1.) First, we lure you into a credit card.

2.) Then, we convince you to use it for EVERYTHING because "some things money can't buy, for everything else there is MasterDebt."


3.) Next, we change the terms of the agreement and attempt to convince you that you've been irresponsible with your credit.


4.) Finally, we call you on a weekly basis offering to "sell" you help to get out of a mess you never created in the first place!

Tune in tomorrow for the exciting finale.  Till then...

"Money is the barometer of a society's virtue." -Ayn Rand

DEBBIE DOWNER, PURCHASE PATTY, AND BLOGGIN' BETTY

So I had an interesting conversation with a friend last night.  We share similar viewpoints on diet, exercise, and natural eating.  In fact, I would say excluding myself, she is the most informed person I know regarding these matters (outside of my immediate circle who has involuntarily absorbed knowledge due to my constant blabbering about corn by-products and sludge farming ;-)  We covered the basics: buying organic, to soy or not to soy, and of course, the latest in food documentaries.  What cracked me up is how she is regarded by family as Debbie Downer because she practices her know-how.  If she's Debbie Downer, I'd hate to see what they'd call me!  It amazes me that the people who stay consciously informed are the ones to be ostracized by society.  Well forgive me if I'm not like Purchase Patty- throwin' any damn thing in my food cart!  Unfortunately, the only information most folks bother to gather about their groceries is the price!

Our discussion quickly turned to success strategies and what makes a blog get noticed, how do you pick up readers, how do you do advertising...blah blah blah.  My response...I have no idea.  I never did this before.  In fact, I never even read a blog before Julie and Julia?!  I didn't start this blog with any notion other than to be brutally honest about my struggle and write what comes to mind.  It has occurred to me that maybe I'm not doing this correctly or going about it the right way.  I guess my fear all along has been, the more time you put into the telling of your story, the less time you have to actually solve the dilemma you're in!  But I guess I need to make some adjustments and find a balance that is both conducive to my weight-loss efforts, yet satisfactory to my audience.  I want you all to know that I haven't been purposely neglectful.  It's a lack of experience coupled with a learning curve.

For instance, I realized not long ago that I can respond to the comments people post.  I thought I was replying by email, but apparently not when "no reply comment" appears in the address!  Pfttt!  Who knew!  LOL.  Some bloggers reply and others let the audience battle it out, but I feel it is important to acknowledge the comments and advice people have taken the time to share.  So Samantha, TNJ, Christina, Bex, Chrissy, boundlessoracle, DH Clark, etc. and all the other anonymous voices out there- guess what??  I've replied to your comments and have asked Tera to do the same.  Better late than never, right!?  Going forward I will be responding to comments (especially now that I know how) and growing the blog to make for a more enjoyable reading experience.  Here's some of what you can hope to see in the future:

*Replies to comments
*More photos
*Updated profiles
*Better editing
*More recipes & tips
*More followers
*Other favorite blogs
*And most importantly, MORE WEIGHT LOSS!!!

I will be studying some other blogs and reading what the experts have to say, but please, if you know of something I could be doing better- share!  Happy blogging!  And enjoy the funny video!  Debbie Downer SNL Skit

And Becky...

“Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind and the ones that mind don't matter!” 

MY OWN PERSONAL TSUNAMI

By now you have heard and seen the devastation wreaked on Japan by the tsunami.  I could hardly believe the footage I was witnessing on the news.  It all just seems so apocalyptic to me, especially since words like tsunami were absent from my vocabulary until just a few years ago.  I know there has been great storms of devastation before, but everything seems mild in comparison to what's been going on lately.  I can rarely recall a time I've ever sat back and been truly scared by something going on in the news.  The exception might be 911, and strangely, even that did not evoke the feelings of helplessness I've had recently.  It's that overwhelming sense of doom.  Like something has shifted or we've turned a corner in terms of our own destiny or future as a species.  I first felt the punch in the gut when the BP oil spill happened.  Witnessing 2.5 million gallons of oil pouring into the middle of the ocean for MONTHS just seemed unbelievable to me.  The sluggish response to contain it, the absolutely unforgivable harm to wildlife and the environment, and the blasé response by us as a people was simply the markings of a disaster you would hear about in the telling of the end of the world.

The mortgage crash, recession, and unemployment that has hit our world economy also feels uniquely different than financial crises of the past.  Perhaps because the impact is so global, or because never has it been more obvious that this disaster was carried out intentionally for selfish gain at the expense of others.  Finally, the tsunami has left one of the best prepared countries in the world looking like nothing more than a giant pool of man made waste.  My heart goes out to those people, but at the same time I am scared at the implications of what a disaster this size means for all of us.  Hearing about nuclear meltdowns and devastating environmental impact makes me feel like the threats of 2012 might be more than just a Mayan legend.

I had a terrible week.  You might say I had a wave of destruction that kept me from achieving my own personal victories.  I will not bore you with the details as it is disrespectful to blabber on while there are those who are picking up the pieces from an actual tsunami, but I will say that it involved personal financial distress, family discord, and someone I care a great deal for being left homeless as a result of this ongoing sh*tty economy.  I'm sure I will reveal more in upcoming posts, but for now let's just say I had some definite strife concerning everything from my meds to my future.  All of these factors compounded to leave me with no good reportable news concerning my weight loss efforts.

I certainly wish that all this discord was more manageable by me and that the affects didn't send seismic shock waves not unlike the tsunami to my diet and exercise habits.  But it does.  A friend and I had a slightly heated discussion about politics and what's going on in the world around us.  She very wisely stated, "I try to only focus on things I can control."  Hmmm...sound advice.  Yet I can not seem to do that.  I am too connected to animals, nature, people, life, and the wrongs going on around me to be able to distance myself in that way.  I try, but with no success.  Quite frankly, it is inhumane not to be connected to these things emotionally.  That's what's wrong with the world!  There's too many people only concerning themselves with what affects them or what is in their backyard.  Hence, why America is often accused of operating as an island.  Perhaps if more of us took issue with the problems of the world, and not just the problems of OUR world, we'd all be living a happier existence.  Still, I will take my friend's advice in the hopes that I can lasso my own troubles and free myself from the world of problems around me.  The day I stop missing a week of blogging at a time, you will know I have done this ;-)

"The world is not dangerous because of those who do harm but because of those who look at it without doing anything." -Albert Einstein

Hmmm......Do I like soccer?

Miss Jennifer is working through some significant stress at the moment, so prayers and well wishes are in order for peace, patience and speedy resolution. I am sure she will give an adequate update in the near future, so stay tuned.

Anyone do the Real Age homework from the other day? I did, and I had to re-check mine because I was expecting something very close to 74. I actually got 32.8 for my real age, which I think is .1 off from my actual age, so not too bad, but an age of 25 would have been better. I think it is amazing all of the facts that go into calculating you score, but even better, all of the great tips they give to you to improve your rating. That website is a treasure cove of useful information. When I have a chance I intend to sit down and comb through it more thoroughly.

Well, I have been adjusting to my Metformin, I took just two pills a day all week, because the first couple days I took three and I could barely think. I don't know if it was the meds or this allergy I have developed toward tree pollen. Anyway, I will start 3 pills next week. The amazing thing is I can already tell that it is working, I can tell small details looking at myself in the mirror. Clothing is starting to fit differently.

I was a little alarmed this morning when I was getting dressed for work. I opened my drawer and realized that the laundry with the bras in it was STILL in the washing machine >>D'OH<< I started weighing my options. 1. put on a wet bra--uh, NO
2. put the wet bra in the dryer and be late for work---uhhhh...no.
3. wear the last bra that's still hanging out in the drawer because it squeezes the girls into Dolly Parton look-alikes, cuts into my back-rolls, and takes a degree in engineering to actually get the front-snap closed. ---uhhhh....crap.

I had a wrestling match with this darn thing in December before a job interview that caused me to break a nail, break a sweat and go begging for help from the husband, who managed to get it closed by the graces of God and the skin of his teeth. Actually, now I think about it, the Dolly twins might have been the reason I didn't do so good in that interview. All I could think about was letting the twins out. *hmph*

So, Im eyeballing this thing, cracking my knuckles and limbering up. I slide it on , jacket style, squeeze the twins together and snap the closure with no problems. I thought I was going to pass out! Not from lack of oxygen this time, but from amazement that it FITS.

The first place that always starts shrinking when I start to loose weight is the twins, my wrists and my ribcage. Now I guess the big question is, DO I like soccer? I certainly hope that the twins don't want to play soccer with my knees. That would be bad news. ; ) Time to break out the lotion and lather up my boobage.

A TALE OF TWO FATTIES

My husband is doing a great job of kicking the TV habit and getting back on track with his eating.  He seems to be sticking to his plan.  I am very glad because as I have said to him many times, "I don't want to be that couple!"  You know what I mean, wider then they are tall, like two fat babies that got separated at birth, the one is slightly rounder in the middle, the other slightly rounder on top, bookends of obesity...

THAT COUPLE

There's only room in this relationship for one fatty right now and that's me.  Hopefully not for too much longer.  I have good reason for being concerned about his diet habits and not just because they affect me.  For those of you who don't know, my husband is an ex-fatty.  He graduated high school weighing more than 320 pounds.  As he says, it might have been more like 340 pounds because you stop counting at a certain point.  Through diet and exercise he was able to lose 150 pounds and has maintained all but twenty pounds of it for the last ten years.

While most couples have a romantic story to tell about how they met, our story is more practical.  After years of battling a weight problem I had finally lost the weight, got in shape, and had beaten the monkey on my back, or so I thought.  I had lost so much weight that I had excess skin hanging from my abdominal area, my arms, and my legs.  I was considering some cosmetic procedures to correct the problem.  A woman I worked with had recommended that I speak to someone who had already been through the surgery.  She insisted that I call a guy she knew who had not only lost weight, but also had the exact surgery I was considering.  After some serious arm twisting I made the call.  The rest is history.

You might say that between the two of us there is little that we don't know or understand about dieting.  Having both struggled for so many years with weight issues, we are near expert on matters of eating and exercise.  It is a great support for me to be married to someone who is so understanding about my weight problem.  He understands all to well what I am going through and it's nice that we are able to help and motivate one another.  Now while that sounds positive, there is a downside to it.  When you live with a foodie you're not only battling your own eating issues, but each others too!  I don't want to see him fall back into the trap that has swallowed me up.  When he had this epiphany last week about his recent habits I said to him, "take a good look at me, this is your future if you don't keep the situation under control!"  In short, "I don't want to be that couple!"
  
"Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success." -Henry Ford

THE BEST IS YET TO COME

I don't self loathe anymore on my birthday.  I've started a new tradition; one of gratitude.  I used to joke around with my friends (who are all younger than me) that I age like a fine wine, but that sentiment started to change after age thirty-five.  Suddenly being the oldest in a group of twenty-somethings wasn't so much fun anymore.  I started to notice the changes that we all do as we begin to coast to forty, and for a brief moment it did depress me.  But life is too short to worry about things you can't control so I started to concentrate my energy on what I can control.  If nothing else, I can control my melodramatic reaction to turning a year older!

Today is my birthday.  I am thirty-eight and happy to be alive.  I don't feel older, and I don't feel as though my age is limiting me from being the person I want to be.  Yeah, it's a little scary to think about turning forty, but then it was scary to think about turning thirty and twenty-five.  I think after twenty-one, few women see a birthday as a step forward, but perhaps we should!  I wouldn't trade the wisdom I have today for any of those years and I'm not sure I'd want to relive them.  Youth doesn't always equal exuberance, and more importantly, age doesn't always equal apathy.  Not everyone past the age of thirty-five is dispirited or despondent about their position on the chronological time-line we call age.  My thirst for life is present in everything I do, and my hopes and dreams grow more passionate with each passing day.  I am a believer in the adage, age is just a number!  I may not live my life in quite the same fashion as when I was twenty-one, but hooray for that!  I do "think" young, however, and will always hold on to the playfulness and good feelings of my youth.

Has anyone ever read the book Real Age by Dr. Michael Roizen??  The book is based on the science surrounding lifestyle choices and how they impact our health and well-being.  Dr. Roizen believes there can be distinct differences in health and happiness amongst people who are the same calendar age.  How well we age is contingent on choices.  We are the sum of those choices, hence our real age.

What does it mean to be young?  It's been awhile since I assigned some homework.  I want you to jot down the feelings, emotions, and actions you associate with your youth.  Good and bad.  Circle the feelings and behaviors that are positive.  What are the things you miss and what are the things you are glad to be leaving behind?  Then swing by realage.com to take the Real Age quiz.  Let me know how you did.  Share with me the things on your list and your thoughts and feelings about birthdays and the behaviors of youth past.  Join me later this week for a discussion on the feedback and results.

"Age is a number and mine is unlisted." -Unknown

KILL YOUR TELEVISION

My husband came to me with an interesting proposal on Monday.  It was a direct result of many conversations we have had over the last six months.  We have been feuding about some lifestyle changes that are greatly impacting me and my progress with regard to diet and exercise.  For the last five years my husband has been encouraging me to get a handle on my weight problem.  Having gained over one hundred pounds since we met, I would say that has been some good advice.  But a funny thing happened when I started down the road to recovery...HE fell off the wagon so to speak.

He has been nothing but a couch potato all winter long.  Actually, the problem dates back to late summer/early fall.  He has been spending an enormous amount of time in front of the TV.  Not just watching it, but also eating in front of it.  Dinner has been moved off the dining room table to downstairs.  Eating has gone from the standard meal times to all-night long.  And the mindless eating is at an all-time high.  The weekends seem to be the worse.  In particular, Sundays.  Sundays, which in this house were lovingly referred to as Fat-Cat Sunday- a term of endearment to describe a leisurely afternoon where we sleep in, have a late breakfast, read the paper, and usually take a day off from the gym, has now been re-named by me Fat-Ass Sunday.  It quickly went from a day of leisure, to a day of gluttony, mostly embarked on by my husband.

He wakes up, drifts downstairs, and parks himself in front of the TV most, if not, the entire day.  Football was the original excuse, but given we are in March that excuse has long expired.  He will sit there and drink beer and eat and eat and eat, Homer Simpson style.  When I say eat, I mean, a bag of chips, a chocolate bar, a handful of Starburst, a bag of peanuts, two or three pieces of nuked pizza, a pint of ice cream, a piece of cheese, another piece of cheese, a soda, a piece of cake, a plate of leftovers...the list goes on and on.  The entire time I am stuck in the same room trying to make it through the day on my healthy supper and wrestling with whether or not I can afford to have a mini-bag of popcorn later that evening.

I have told him on several occasions that if this behavior keeps up, I'm not going to be able to spend time with him because I think it's really shitty that I am on a diet and he's going to sit in front of my face and literally consume every piece of food in the house, non-stop.  I will distance myself sooner than be sucked into something that is only going to make me fatter.  Then, I get to wake up Monday morning and clean it all up!  I am tired of the fact that every Monday morning my kitchen looks like a frat party took place the night before.  I am sooo disappointed that I did not think to take a picture for you!  Let me see if I can create a visual.  Imagine a kitchen island with about six or seven dirty plates on it (cause God knows he has to take a clean plate every time he eats something).  I suggested a feed bag this past Sunday!  Now pan over to my kitchen sink and there is an equal amount of dirty glasses because, well, hey it's Fat-Ass Sunday so we can't put those in the dishwasher!  Then there is a stack of empty beer bottles on the counter patiently waiting to make it to the recycle can.  There is at least one bowl of peanut shells, several cheese wrappers, an empty pizza box, an empty ice cream container, and a variety of other food odds and ends.  This sure doesn't make for a good snapshot of someone who is on a diet and writing a weight-loss blog!

The straw that broke the camel's back is when this behavior started to bleed into the rest of the week.  I had pointed out the number of hours working on the house, exercising, reading, and socializing that had been exchanged for television viewing, but he was in denial.  If you recall, I had mentioned that we had gone a rather long period of time without television.  I still argue that it was the smartest thing we've ever done!  In September, my best friend moved to Chicago and left us with a very nice TV.  My husband immediately ordered satellite service with only one condition proposed by me- that it doesn't become the central focus of our lives.  I enjoy TV, but I am not into mindless television programing.  I'm not gonna sleep in front of it, eat in front of it, and live my life in front of it.  There are far too many things in life you can do that are way superior to watching bad reality shows and depressing news reports.

He started things off with a bang and spent hours programming his remotes and his viewing lists the first day it arrived.  I thought, well he's excited and we haven't had it in awhile so I understand it's a new toy right now- figuring eventually the novelty would ware off.  Couple with that several hours spent in front of the TV playing video games, and you really have a recipe for complacency disaster!  My warnings and overall disapproval fell on death ears.  Until this past Monday.  He came to me and said, "I've gained fifteen pounds since September."  I said, "uh...are you expecting me to be surprised...being fat and lazy is pretty synonymous with watching TV- I mean they don't coin the terms 'beer gut' and 'couch potato' for no reason!"

Now one thing I love about my husband is his ability and willingness to change.  Not everybody has that.  He is able to recognize faults within himself and has the motivation to want to correct things.  He shared strategies that include everything from returning to our usual sit-down meals at the dinner table, to being sure that he has exercised and done some chores before settling in at night to watch television.  The most important impact to me???  The end of Fat-Ass Sunday!  He also apologized for being so counterproductive to my weight-loss efforts.  I tried to just accept the apology and the changes with as little argument as possible because I am done blaming others for my weight problem.  I said "I am responsible for my own body, but I do believe I have enough hurdles to climb without you contributing one more...while I am proud of the twenty+ pounds I have lost, I do feel like it could have been 50+ by now if not for so many obstacles."  I also said, "life is about decisions- ask yourself if you want to look back on your thirty-something life and say, I spent the best years of my life parked in front of the TV when I could have been out there enjoying so much more?!"

"If It weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all." -Joey Adams

"Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other." -Ann Landers

"TV will never be a serious competitor for radio because people must sit and keep their eyes glued on a screen: the average American family doesn't have time for it!" -Author unknown, NY Times 1939

Real Women Have Curves

The whole Lea-T thing has me baffled. If I was looking at him/her I would never have known that he/she was genetically male. That has a lot to say about the image that a good portion of our female society subliminally believes they have to live up to. Newsflash, folks! REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES! The anatomical scaffolding has everything to do with the shape that we ultimately are; whether it is 100 pounds or 300 pounds of flesh draped over that frame, the hips are still there! And, yes, while it is true that some have a wider pelvis than others, the difference in shape is much altered from the pelvis of a man. Even 2,000 year-old dried out mummies are identified as male or female based on skeletal structure before the DNA lab results ever are read.

*ahem* In the words of Steven Tyler, "Dude Looks Like a Lady" ???

And I'm not running Lea-T into the ground, live and let live, however it seems that being of feminine shape is "out."



I digress.....



I again apologize for the over-abundance of flesh in my posted pictures (you were warned, LOL.) Like I was telling Jennifer earlier, clothing hides a LOT. I have curves going the wrong way, in every which direction. Brutal honesty works for me, and the sight of my 'wiggly bits' on the internet was more than humbling, and rather effective inspiration to, well..... "get 'er done."

I had a doctor's appointment on Monday to address my dear Auntie Flo has been A.W.O.P. (absent with out pregnancy)((which is a good thing, the no pregnancy)) The bad news in this is that it means that my insulin resistance has climbed to a point where it is interfering with my hormones and my ovaries are not completely releasing eggs. They are collecting as unabsorbed cysts on the ovarian surface and creating testosterone, of all things. I have dealt with this in the past when I went off of birth control pills after my marriage and trying to conceive. My insulin resistance was actually hidden by the regularity that the birth control pil provides. I had seen an OBGYN about the problem, they ran all of the tests and the diagnosis was PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and the cause was my body's inability to recognize insulin and year by year I just packed on the pounds and it got worse and worse. I was treated with metformin and a diet with a low glycemic index. At that point I lost 16 pounds in 5 weeks, my cycles resumed and I got pregnant. When I got pregnant, they took me off the Metformin so as not to cause blood sugar problems in my baby. After Elijah was born, I went back on the pill; the insulin problem resurfaced. Although looking back, it was probably always there when I wasn't pregnant. When I was pregnant, my body functioned "normally." My second pregnancy, after I delivered Ean, I weighed 32 pounds LESS than my pre-pregnancy weight.

Anyway, it has been a lot of negligence on my part to think that this had gone away or resolved itself somehow. But the doctor prescribed Provera = the detective to find poor Aunt Flo, and Metformin 500 mg 3x a day, to see how I do.

SO metformin + sensible diet+ excersise+ rest/play = little black dress?

PENIS SOLD SEPERATELY

How many of you saw the Oprah show last month about Supermodel Lea T?  Show of hands please?  Well for those of you who missed it allow me to enlighten you.  Soapbox please!  In case you've been living under a rock somewhere or simply have better things to do with your time then follow the fashion scene, model Lea T is the Brazilian sensation that has been heating up the runway and the star of the latest Givenchy ad campaign.  She is no different than the other models we've been forced to idolize.  She is ridiculously tall, painfully thin, and lacking all womanly features including, but not limited to, breasts and hips.  Oh and there's just one more thing she's missing.  A vagina!  That's right folks, Lea T... is a he!

Now before we dive any further into this topic let me first lay out my disclaimer so we are clear on some things.  I am not against transsexuals.  I respect the Gay and Lesbian community.  I have not yet met a transgendered person, but I am sure they are just as lovely as anyone from the heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual communities.  I feel all Americans- gay, straight, transgender, whatever, have a right to live their life in whatever fashion (no pun intended) they see fit.  They are entitled to the same benefits as the rest of us like insurance and marriage, and most of all, they should be able to earn a living in the field of their choice.  My beef is not with Lea T.  I wish him/her well and don't envy the struggle that must accommodate having been born in the wrong body.

My beef is with the fashion industry and their progressively more insulting representation of women.  What happened?  Did they run out of anorexic-looking, androgynous, females?!?  They are so dead set on using woman with boy bodies that they finally decided to just call a spade a spade and hire a man!  It's probably the most honest thing they've ever done.  I mean seriously, they've been insulting all of us for years with these just barely female bodies.  Imagine what the Givenchy meeting sounded like.  "All of these girls are just too damn fat!  I don't understand why we keep getting these hips. Over and over again, ENOUGH with the breasts."  Then one brave soul leaped out of his chair and said, "I have an idea...let's hire a man, tape his penis inside his ass cheeks, and throw him in a two-piece swimsuit!  Voila!  Problem solved!"  What's next??  Pretty soon they're just gonna push a coat rack on wheels down the runway with a wig on.

I would like to ask Givenchy a question.  Are they marketing their clothes to trannies now or still women??  Because if their fashion line is still intended for women, than explain to me how I am supposed to recreate that look?  It's no longer a matter of being amazon height and weighing one-hundred pounds soaking wet, now I have to hack off my breasts and sew my vagina shut!  They should be forced to mark their fashion ads with requirements like they do on kid's electronics.  "Six-inch cock and balls required. Penis sold separately." 

If you can't tell, I am outraged!  You know when I will be okay with a bunch of men who want to be women modeling women's clothing?!  When there are actually some women my size, or even half my size, modeling the same clothes this tranny is.  Until then, Givenchy can kiss my all-woman fat ass!  And for those of you saying, "but Jennifer there ARE women your size modeling- they're called plus-sized models."  First of all, those women aren't even fat.  Second, they wouldn't be allowed within one-hundred yards of a brand like Givenchy.  They are basically allowed to model car covers and circus tents, oh and giant v-neck sleep shirts with poodles on it.  Almost forgot.  If Miss Thing wants to model male clothes, or unisex clothing, or pose for a variety of alternative publications- fine!  But don't put him in clothes I'm expected to buy!

I love fashion but I think the over the top ad campaigns and the photos of androgynous looking females locked in a kiss is really starting to get nauseating.  Did I mention that Lea T was on the front cover of Love magazine (a fashion magazine) kissing Kate Moss??  Perfect!  We have the she-male and the notoriously anorexic fashion icon promoting love and fashion!  Imagine the message we are sending to young girls.  I'm just a person who goes against the grain.  If I had my own fashion label right now, I'd be doing the exact opposite!  The fashion industry keeps trying to say that they are not going to tolerate anorexia and bulimia anymore- that these girls will be released from their contracts. Yeah, they'll release them and replace them with trannies!

I love that Oprah was progressive enough to have a topic like this on her show, but I'm disappointed that she didn't ask or attempt to answer any of the challenging or profound questions that accommodate such a situation.  If you'd like to read more about Lea T's appearance on the Oprah show, please click the link below.

http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Lea-T-Is-a-Supermodel-with-a-Secret

"On matters of style, swim with the current, on matters of principle, stand like a rock." -Thomas Jefferson