FAT GIRL MOMENTS

Ruby's experience in New York got me to thinking about some of my own fat girl moments.  I have some pretty good stories in my arsenal, but I'll share just this one.  Every year my family makes a trip to Knoebel's theme park.  It's become a bit of a tradition for us to ride the rides, play games, and eat lots of yummy park food.  I have a pretty courageous attitude when it comes to the rides and since everyone has a different favorite, by the end of the day I've usually been on everything from the roller coasters to the paddle boats.

On this particular occasion, someone in our party requested to ride the train.  Now I wasn't aware there was more than one train, and quite frankly, I didn't see the point of riding this "new" train which appeared to be nothing more than a shorter, slower, more lame version of the train we just rode.  But in keeping with the spirit of everyone gets to pick a ride, I agreed.  It looked like it might be a kiddie train, but it wasn't in the traditional kiddie area and seemed to have a mix of both adults and children in line.  As we neared the loading area I said, "hey guys, I think we're in line for a kiddie ride."  As usual, no one listened.  If we were accompanying some toddlers on this ride the embarrassment would not be as great, but since the youngest member of our party was thirty-two, it must have seemed peculiar.

I am now sizing up the situation and trying to determine how any adult, much less a plus-sized one, is going to fit into this tiny little seat, and I am just loving how a seat belt is required even though this train moves at a speed of two miles per hour.  I start to break into that nervous sweat that all fat people experience when they are about to be confronted with a size constraint.  I am now saying a silent prayer in my head, "please God let me fit, please God let me fit!"  Being far too deep in line to back out now, I push forward awaiting my fate.  I am having flashbacks of those people who are asked to leave the upside down ride after three ride attendants and ten minutes of trying won't close the lap bar.  I remember the clear disapproval of the crowd as people shake their head and I think to myself, "what was he thinking?!"

I see out of the corner of my eye a man who could be a ride attendant or Father Time.  I'm trying to imagine what role this decrepit man could play in the overall operation of this train.  It turns out he has one duty.  To spot, identify, and assist those who might be too large for this ride by giving them a seat belt extender.  One by one, a mix of adults board the train with their children.  Most are able to squeeze into the space, but some need the extender.  Father time is doing a remarkable job of getting help to these individuals before they've even attempted to sit down.  I think he may fancy himself an expert on being able to spot who might need assistance.

So you probably think you know what I'm gonna say, but I assure you, you don't.  LOL.  The cue moves forward and I quickly make my way to the end seat nearest the exit.  If this doesn't work out it will be less humiliating to have to walk past one person, rather than an entire train of people.  I slip into the seat, close my seat belt, and am relieved to discover that not only do I fit, but I can close the "kiddie" seat belt without any help from our friend.  I am patiently waiting for the ride of my life to begin and simultaneously thinking to myself, "see...you are too hard on yourself, you're obviously not THAT fat!" 

I feel a shadow leaning over me as Rip Van Winkle offers me a seat belt extender.  Can he not see that I am comfortably in my seat, buckled, and ready to go..??  I politely refuse and say, "no thanks, we're good!" while proudly showing him my closed seat belt along with a few fingers width between my waist and the safety device.  He then shouts in the loudest voice ever, in front of a train full of people and a line full of onlookers, "THAT FITS YOU!?!?!...WOW!!!...I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!"  It's like he prides himself on never being wrong.  I quietly and humiliatingly say, "yes sir, we're all good here."  He continues to mumble "wow, I can't believe that!" as he assesses the next person who may need help while still looking back at me in disbelief.  I could feel the flushed cheeks of my embarrassment while simultaneously feeling my blood begin to boil. 

Never in my life have I been so close to assaulting a senior citizen.  I was fighting back the increasing desire to yell, "WOW, ARE YOU OLD!!  THEY ACTUALLY LET A BAG OF BONES LIKE YOU WORK HERE!?!?!"  Luckily, I got a hold of myself.  I'm not sure what is worse, not fitting the seat and needing a seat belt extender to ride a kiddie ride, OR not needing a seat belt extender to ride a kiddie ride and having a park attendant be floored by this!  My husband laughed about it the whole way home.  "I can't believe that old man said that to you!?!"  Yes honey, that-a-boy, add a little salt to my wounds!  I still continue to ride every ride in the park, opting to skip the kiddie rides of course. I will forever remember this fat girl moment. I bet you will too! ;-) As for Ruby, I wish her well on her journey and leave her, and anyone else who has experienced a fat girl moment, with these words of wisdom...

"Don't let what you can not do interfere with what you can do." -John Wooden