WEIGHT WATCHERS, WEIGH-IN'S, AND WENDY'S

All that talk about my mother's struggle with her weight got me to thinking about my experience growing up.  What was I taught from my grandmother and mother about diet and exercise, portion control, eating habits?  It might humor you to know some of the memories I have.  Probably the clearest thing I can recall is what I like to call, "Weight Watchers, Weigh-In's, and Wendy's!" 

My mother would take me to her weekly Weight Watchers meetings.  I was about eight years old at the time.  I can remember pulling into the church parking lot (W.W. meetings we're held at this church a few miles from our house) my mother taking her little canvas Weight Watchers bag out of the car which had all her books and meal plans in it, taking a deep sigh, and heading into the building.  Once inside, we would both grab a seat in this tiny little classroom that had one-armed desk chairs.  She would put her things down, compose herself, and then get in line to step on the scale.  Whether the news was good or bad, I can recall very distinctly what happened after every single weigh-in.  My mother and I would pack up our stuff, get in the car, and head to the Wendy's drive-thru.

Before getting there my mother would always lean over to me in the car and say, "don't tell your father we came here."  Him finding out was her biggest concern of the night.  She would pull up to the window, order two baked potatoes with extra cheese, one for each of us, two chicken cheese sandwiches with mayo, again, one for each of us, and she would ask for several sides of whipped butter for the baked potatoes.  She would then pull over to a dimly lit parking space, shut the car engine off, and begin to dig into the frenzy of fast food that was her release for the night.

I can remember how much anxiety my mother seemed to be carrying around. It was almost as if in that one moment, shoving a fork of cheese and butter soaked baked potato in her mouth solved all her problems.  I too can remember how good that food tasted at the time.  It was the one reward that was always waiting for me if she could make it through the day.  How quickly I became attached to it.  At a time where ballet lessons, gymnastic lessons, after school activities, or any distraction that required some money and a ride was out of the question, I was given one thing to look forward too, food!  It's amazing how we carry these early behaviors into our adult world.  At a time when I can barely afford to do any activity outside of paying my bills, I find it interesting that my reward remains the same.  Cooking and eating, those are the activities.  I don't go to the Wendy's drive thru anymore for my peace of mind, but I certainly find it at the bottom of a macaroni and cheese casserole.

My mother and I went on dozens of trips to weight-loss meetings with binges following afterwards.  Always the same words of caution, "whatever you do, don't tell your father we were here!"  Sometimes it was Weight Watchers and Wendy's, other times Nutri-System and fried chicken, and sometimes Jenny Craig and Dunkin' Doughnuts.  The weight-loss centers and eat-on-the-go meals changed, but the behavior and consistency stayed the same.  At one point my grandmother joined in and it became a family affair; the three of us going to diet centers followed by meals in the car.  My mother and my grandmother never did seem to lose any weight.  As I got older I was no longer just be dragged along for the ride.  Those fast food meals ensured that I too was now attending these meetings to step on the scale.  A ten year old, already in need of a diet.

What did all this teach me?  Well, unfortunately, it taught me some really bad habits and perceptions.  It taught me that food is a reward, first and foremost. It taught me that when you fail at something, food can ease your anxiety about the failure.  It taught me that eating and having a weight problem is shameful. Heck, even if my mother had the guts to walk me INTO the fast food establishment and sit at a public table, it would have been a better message than being forced to eat in a parked car void of any street lights.  It taught me to hide, cover up, and even lie about my struggles.  Remember the most important thing to my mother was that my father not find out.  I learned horrible eating habits from it.  Starve yourself all day before the weigh-in, then binge on a heavy meal afterwards late at night.  It certainly sent a lot of mixed messages; counting calories and weighing teaspoons of peanut butter versus requesting extra cheese and sides of whipped butter.  It did one very harmful thing to all of us, it kept the legacy alive of obese women in our family.  I have much more to say on the matter, but I believe I'll pause for today.

“Obesity is a mental state, a disease brought on by boredom and disappointment”.  ~Cyril Connolly, The Unquiet Grave