LOB-STAH!!!

FITNESS PET-PEEVES!

I am happy to report that my holiday house guests are now gone!  While we had a fantastic time together, like the famous Ben Franklin quote says, "guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days!"  LOL!  (Forgive me boys ;-)  During their visit we had some great conversations, one of which was about healthy eating.  My friends are in amazing shape.  We're talking young, radiant, and beautiful!  I'd be only too happy to be in the shape they are in, yet like so many fit people I've come to know, they are guilty of some of my biggest pet peeves!

I am an advocate for natural foods.  I believe in eating as many whole foods as I can get my hands on.  When I do buy packaged foods, I am an avid label reader searching for products with the fewest total ingredients, and eliminating items that have artificial sweeteners, corn by-products, and hydrogenated oils.  I buy as many organic foods as I can, and tend to gravitate toward smaller, independent, brands more so than the conglomerate food companies.  I buy produce at my local farmer's market and remain adamant about finding sustainable fish, grass-fed beef, and free-range chicken.  Yes, it gets expensive...but it's pay now or pay later!  You will not find a single product in my house that contains High Fructose Corn Syrup.  In fact, if someone is requesting a soda, it is likely I am handing them a bottle of Coca-Cola from Mexico that is made with cane sugar.  If you can not tell, I am passionate about eating natural food and feel very strongly that the synthetic, corn based, over-processed, diets of most Americans is contributing to the high instance of Obesity, Diabetes, Cancer, and other health related problems we see in this nation.  It has become a bit of a platform for me.  People need to get smarter about what they are putting into their bodies- worrying less about looks and more about nutrition.  Get educated on the matter and start shopping with more of a discerning eye, because if you think our government is protecting us and keeping us healthy- think again!

I used to work at a gym and I think one of the most irritating things I would witness was individuals who would kill themselves working out for two hours, then ten minutes later be sucking down a "health" drink that contained more artificial ingredients than a piece of plastic.  How is that good health?!?  I call these folks the "superficial health nuts," because it always seemed like they were willing to put anything into their bodies as long as it promised a slimmer you!  They'd sell their souls for flatter abs never once being concerned with whether or not they are actually feeding their bodies the nutrition needed to have energy, make repairs, and stave off disease.  I never could figure out why someone that buff was so intimidated by the 15 calories that might be found in a teaspoon of real sugar?  After all, the number one side affect of working out is the ability to metabolize calories!   These folks are eliminating from their diet things like fresh fruit and carrots for fear of sugar conversion, and replacing it with packets of Equal, butter substitutes that resemble tubs of yellow Cool Whip, and meal replacement snacks that have a shelf-life of five years!  Putting all health concerns aside, who the h*ll in their right mind wants to live this way!?!  You can't have an egg with a yolk in it?!  You're throwing away the lecithin and healthy omega-3 fats!  You can't have a grain of rice or some orange juice when you spend two hours at the gym every day?!?  Gimme a break!

Here's my philosophy, eat as many vitamin-rich whole fruits and vegetables as you can get your hands on, limit processed and starchy foods, and don't sweat things like carrots or orange juice because I guarantee that's the least of your worries!  Everybody wants to look good, but at the end of the day we eat for a reason- to nourish and replenish.  Ask yourself if you are putting better fuel in your car, or your body?  Do you have your priorities right when it comes to your health and fitness plan?  I ask myself these questions every day.  I am committed to making the necessary changes.  I know my friends left pledging to do the same.  I'm so fired up about it that you get two quotes today!

-As for butter versus margarine, I trust cows more than chemists.  -Joan Gussow


-Did you ever stop to taste a carrot?  Not just eat it, but taste it?  You can't taste the beauty and energy of the earth in a Twinkie.  -Astrid Alauda

A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE

I hopped on the scale with much trepidation yesterday.  This was probably the scariest "Weigh-in Tuesday" in the history of Two Ton Tillies, past, present, or future.  Nothing compares to the anxiety of stepping on the scale a few days after Christmas.  I can recall every guilt ridden second from childhood to present every single time the holidays would come to a close.  I am happy, no ecstatic, to report that I have not gained one pound over this Christmas holiday!  I declare, "It's a Christmas Miracle!"  Yes, it would be nice to tell you that I lost some weight this week, but I am pretty sure I have been gaining weight post December twenty-fifth since I was in diapers!  So this truly is a miracle!  Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could safely roll in to the new year without going even one pound backwards?!?  Well let's not get ahead of ourselves.  There's still the tiny little matter of New Year's Eve to discuss.  While I'm sure most of you are puzzled by this statement, regarding New Years as less of an eating holiday and more of a drinking holiday, a true fatty is always more concerned with the meal than the cocktails.  So here's what I got lined up for the welcoming of 2011.  My husband and I are planning on spending the evening at home, just the two of us.  Having weighed the weights of going out versus staying in, we decided that being home this New Year's Eve would be a safer, more affordable, more intimate way to celebrate.

One of our favorite places to visit is Kennebunkport, Maine.  We love everything from the beaches, to the landscape, to the seafood, and it is an especially beautiful place to visit in the winter.  Last year we spent New Year's Eve feasting on lobster and sipping champagne with a group of guests at our favorite inn.  We sat curled up in front of a roaring fire while it snowed like mad outside.  While it isn't possible for us to repeat our travel this year, we are doing our best to bring as much of that experience in Maine to our holiday here at home.  We are having two live lobsters shipped to us on New Year's Eve along with a quart of chowder.  We have some champagne on chill and I'm preparing a salad and a chocolate wine cake for dessert.  All we need now is some snow!  We plan to watch some favorite flicks and check out the usual festivities that are live on TV.  Being the die-hard animal lover that I am, I have put my husband in charge of cooking the lobsters.  Let's pray he has the guts to go through with it because if it comes down to me, we'll be naming them and keeping them as pets.

"Those who indulge, bulge." -Anonymous

HOLD ON, I'M COMIN!

Sam & Dave Video

HANG IN THERE EVERYONE!  I HEAR YOU LOUD AND CLEAR AND I AM WORKING ON A POST AS WE SPEAK!!  CHECK BACK AT DAY'S END AND IT SHOULD BE UP!

-JENNIFER

HOLIDAY RECAP

Buffalo chicken dip, garlic-Parmesan dip, potato chips, baked ham, fried ham sandwiches, mashed potatoes and gravy, macaroni salad, potato salad, ham and bean soup, beef barbecue, spinach dip, cashew patties, peanut-butter rice krispie squares, chocolate-coated pretzels, Glogg, nogg, deviled eggs, cheese, crab dip, giant Reese's peanut butter cups, bagels with cream cheese, panettone French toast, spam, chili, cheddar-oregano bread, Christmas cookies, whoopie pies, Mike's Hard Lemonade, ring bologna, Christmas ale, apple dumplings, pasta salad, croissants, Brandy Swizzle's, truffles, chocolate mints, chocolate cherries, toffee, Poppycock popcorn, expensive Cognac...  This is everything, well almost everything (there is a space limit on this server) that I've been exposed to in the last 72 hours.  Talk about dodging bullets!  It is amazing that I am still intact!

I have eaten some things on the list, but I have also chosen to skip some stuff too.  It has been a non-stop food buffet since December 23rd.  Between the food I myself have prepared, the food that has been delivered by friends and neighbors, and the food shoved in my face at various holiday parties and family get-togethers, it is amazing that everything I've achieved in the last eight weeks hasn't been flushed down the commode.  For the most part, I have handled it well.  I have not gone "mad" with my eating and have continued with my workouts.  There has been a definite increase in calorie consumption this week, but I am worlds ahead of what took place last Christmas.  I suspect that I will have an extra pound or two to work off between now and New Year's Day, but nothing that I foresee as any kind of major setback.  I have out-of-town guests staying with me so the pressure to cook and keep a well-stocked fridge has definitely added to the burden.  Luckily my house guests are fitness gurus and pretty self-sufficient in the eating department.  If anything, I'm sure Santa's bakeshop has been more a hindrance to them, then their eating has been to me.  Nonetheless, I'm sure you can agree that the more people you have cooking and eating in your house, the higher the chances that you will overeat.

I realize I have been lax on the entries lately.  Please forgive me.  I'm sure once the holidays pass and my home is mine again to do with what I want, I will be back on schedule with my daily entries.  Until then, I wish all of you the Merriest Christmas and hope that you too can successfully navigate the onslaught of holiday calories headed your way!

"I am not a glutton--I am an explorer of food" -Erma Bombeck

PULLING AWAY FROM THREE-HUNDRED

Yesterday was "Weigh-In Tuesday" and I'm happy to report that I have lost 4 more pounds!  This makes a total of 18 pounds.  Yea!!  I am slowly pulling away from the dreaded three-hundred pound mark and I am almost a safe thirty pounds from that nightmare.  Thank God!  Can you hear me exhale a sigh of relief!?  aaahhhh.....  Who'd think a person would ever be happy just to weigh less than three-hundred pounds!  I guess everything is relative.  The next threshold to cross will be the big two-fifty and then maybe I can safely say that I no longer weigh as much as a black bear.  Even though a number like this is so far from my personal goal, I still think it is important to set mini-goals along the way and celebrate every win you can.  It definitely helps to keep a yard-stick as a reminder of how far you've come.  I successfully kept my head to the grindstone this week and it paid off, but now it's time to enter...THE HOLIDAY ZONE!!  >>Reek Reek<<  More on that later.

“The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.” -Richard Bach 

BACK TO BASICS

Did you ever notice how good food tastes when you are on a diet??  Any kind of food!  Health food!  Fattening food!  Food you don't like!  I woke up this morning with a ferocious appetite.  I'm not sure why I was so hungry- maybe because for the last seven days I've really been towing the line.  I was starving!  My hunger has been insatiable all day and I find it pretty funny how most of what I ate I would find totally unappealing if I weren't on a diet.

I made myself a steak sandwich at around 10:30 this morning.  I wasn't playin'!  Waiting around for lunch or dinner was not an option and my usual morning meal of fiber cereal and fruit was not gonna cut it.  So I cooked up some steak with some bell peppers, added a bunch of hot peppers, then mixed in a little jack cheese.  I loaded this onto a lightly mayo-ed whole wheat roll and topped it with thinly sliced tomatoes that had been salted and sprinkled with oregano.  When I tell you it's the best damn thing I've ever eaten, believe that I am not lying!  What's funny is I HATE tomatoes.  I'm cool with tomato sauce and tomato products.  I can even handle diced tomatoes if they're firm and have been seeded, but the Earthy, slimy, seedy, make all your sandwiches soggy variety, will deter me from eating whatever they've been placed on.  Not today!  I'm also not a big fan of "hot" food.  I can take a little heat, but once it becomes a five alarm fire I usually walk.

Later in the day I thought I was going to pass out from sensory overload when I had some Melba Toast and cheese with some grapes as a snack.  You heard me...MELBA TOAST!!  Are you kidding me?!?  That's like getting excited over a rice cake!  I found the whole situation pretty amusing and it got me to thinking about how Americans overindulge on everything to the point where most things aren't enjoyable anymore.  I think our quality of life suffers a great deal as a result of this.  Think about it.  We overeat, overspend, over-text, we overdo the holidays, we drive cars that are ten times bigger than what we need, we hoard, we over-watch TV, we drink too much, smoke too much, work too much!  When did the American dream become all about excess...??  The only thing we don't overdo are things that are actually good for us!

I remember a time when driving was enjoyable- when it was fun to go cruising, take a road trip, or a Sunday drive.  Not anymore!  I understand a lot has to do with the change in traffic patterns, but I also think it is because we drive ten times more than we once did.  I love to watch people move their cars two blocks.  I think, "really, you live less than three blocks away and you can't just walk to the store for your newspaper?!"  And when did everybody start driving their kids to the bus stop!?!  Jesus!  No wonder we are overweight in this country!  We're giving our kids a ride, to their ride!

We have ruined for ourselves just about every good experience there is in life and I'm the first to admit that I've done it with food.  Absolute, unnecessary, total excess!  I can tell you that food hasn't tasted anywhere near as good as it has in the last few weeks, and I KNOW it's because I took it for granted and ate and ate and ate as mindlessly as I could.  What a lesson learned!  If you truly are a foodie then you should care enough to respect the experience.  Someone who truly values food will not overindulge to the point of being unhealthy.  Learn to limit yourself and I promise all things will become more enjoyable.

My husband and I recently went two years without television.  What an experiment!  The whole time all we heard from others was, "you're not missing much because the programming stinks!"  There most definitely has been a decline in programing, but I'm sure that's because we now have an excessive 150 stations on average, instead of the 6 or 8 channels we once did.  But I have to tell you, I really enjoy the few hours of television I watch per week.  Notice I said, a few hours per week, not a few hours per day!  Going without the Telly taught me to focus on more meaningful things.  I read more, exercise more, clean more.  As a couple, my husband and I were talk more and have actual sit-down meals in our dining room- not just balancing a plate of food on our laps in front of the boob tube.  Not only did other things in my life become more meaningful, but so did the act of watching TV.

Excess is everywhere but it is up to you to pick and chose how much you will indulge on things.  Think about your life today.  What things are you abusing?  What is it that you might be overindulging on, and has that overindulgence caused you to appreciate the experience less??  I appreciate food a whole lot more now that I make more conservative choices.  Perhaps we all just need to consider getting back to basics.

"The proximity of a desirable thing temps one to overindulge.  On that path lies danger." -Frank Herbert

THE VISION BOARD

If I'm going to keep Katie Fantastic on top and Barbells on the bottom I best get with the motivation.  It is for this reason that I pulled out of the closet my "Vision Board."  Time to give this thing an update!  For those of you unfamiliar, a vision board is a visualization tool used to help manifest one's hopes and dreams into real-life accomplishments.  It reached the peak of popularity when the DVD "The Secret" was released.  Soon everyone from Oprah to my dental hygienist was doing vision boards.

You create a vision board by pasting some collected images (could be from periodicals, the web, etc.) that best represent your hopes and desires to some poster board (or other suitable canvas) in a collage-like form along with lettering, phrases, and other inspirational details.  The belief is, if you keep this reminder at the forefront of your space, your life will begin to manifest what is on the board.  The physical supplies include poster board or foam board, some scissors, magazine clippings, photos, glue, and some other scrap-booking materials.  The mental supplies are a little harder to come by.  The project requires you to tap into your innermost desires and convictions, and then creatively express them on your board.

I can honestly say that when I used this board in the past, it worked.  My husband and I were shopping for a new home.  It was one of the most stressful things we've ever had to do and the criteria in order for the home purchase to work was very finite.  It could be said that our house might have come along without use of the board, but if you knew how perfectly this home fit our expectations, and how lucky we are to be the couple who purchased it, you would be in your car heading to the craft store right now.  In fact, in looking at this board today, I can honestly say everything on it has been achieved.  Even if you think all this talk about vision boards is hooey, I think participating in such a project is a great way to clarify your goals and define your direction in life.  We brainstorm, create outlines, and use project tools for work.  Why wouldn't we do the same for our personal life??

As I've mentioned before, I think celebrities and successful people in general, reach stardom because they believe in themselves.  Having positive images and ideals to focus on is a good way to keep that belief strong.  I will be working on this project in the next few days and will share with you the end result when my board is complete.  I implore you to do the same.  It doesn't have to be a weight or health related challenge.  It can be anything you want to change or improve in your life, or maybe something new that you'd like to welcome into your life.  My completed board will appear in a future post.

"A vision is not just a picture of what could be; it is an appeal to our better selves, a call to become something more." -Rosabeth Moss Kanter

DIETING IS REAL-LIFE "SURVIVOR"

So I'm watching the CBS show "Survivor" last night and they, the cast, are participating in a "rewards" challenge.  After completing a mission that includes a dip in the pool and the solving of a puzzle that is easier than something you'd see on "Wheel of Fortune," they get whisked away on a cruise with some family members to a delicious meal on the water.  I'm watching them chow down on a feast of sandwiches, cookies, chips, and champagne, all the time drooling as I watch them dig in.  I think to myself, "now wait a minute... they are stuck in the woods of Nicaragua eating a meal I would kill for, and I'm all comfy on my sofa in Pennsylvania with a stocked refrigerator upstairs, a giant can of Christmas cookies in my dining room, and my choice of grocery stores within a mile's drive, and I'm the one who's starving...?!?  What's wrong with this picture?!?  That's when it occurred to me.  Dieting is like playing a real-life game of Survivor!  You have to outwit, outplay, and outlast all your desires!  I'm not sure what it's like to be stuck in the jungle for thirty-nine days, but I know what a lifetime of deprivation feels like!  Sign me up!  I could probably kick all their asses!  LOL.

Aside from the Survivor talk, I am happy to report that I am back on track and having a much better day(s) then what I had at the beginning of the week.  I'm not sure what drove me to the dark side of macaroni and cheese eating and visits to the drive-up window, but if I had to guess I'd say a week of baking cookies with my mother.  Let's just say that some experiences and some people can tap you out even when things are going smoothly.  But I seem to be good for now- relieved that it's over and happy to be re-focused on my health.  I am going to try really hard to tow the line for the next eight days because I would like to take part in at least some holiday eating and not have a guilty conscious about it.  I will need to think up some ways to keep my motivation strong this week.

"I choose not to think of my life as surviving, but coping." -Lorna Luft

HIGHS, LOWS, AND BAD ALTAR-EGO'S

The last two days haven't been the greatest for me.  I have broken open a box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese and consumed a Baconator sandwich within the same forty-eight hours.  Let me provide you some further details.  The Mac n' cheese is no surprise.  I think by now we're all fully aware of my persistent desire to consume macaroni and cheese in every available form, but the Baconator is a bit of an upset.  For those who are unfamiliar, the Baconator is the 900+ calorie, double-decker, bacon cheeseburger from Wendy's that just spits in the face of all whom are demanding healthier menu items.  What's really sick about it is I don't even eat fast-food, not even when I'm not dieting!  I don't really have a good explanation for this other than to say my highs are very high, but my lows can be equally as extreme.  I wish I could tell you that I didn't enjoy eating this and that it made me sick, but in keeping with the honesty of this blog, I have to tell you that I enjoyed every overly salty moment of it.  A bliss that has a cost.

Yesterday was "Weigh-in Tuesday" and it was not exactly a celebratory moment when I stepped on the scale.  I did not lose any weight, in fact, I gained a pound.  Not losing weight this week is really not a surprise.  I've mentioned before that the pattern seems to be a week of weight-loss followed by a week of no weight-loss, but gaining a pound sorta unnerved me.  I'm sure the pound is temporary and has everything to do with the indulgence that took place the night before, but that didn't stop me from sulking and skipping my workout.  You've met Katie Fantastic, my super-duper strong and healthy altar-ego.  Now I feel it is only fair to acknowledge the hedonistic side of me, the bad-altar ego that resides inside the same being.  I thought long and hard for what I should call her, that evil, glutinous, b*tch!  I tapped in to a childhood memory that will serve me well in this case- the first time someone called attention to me being fat.  It still stands out in my mind.  I was in Elementary school and a boy in my third grade class called me "Barbells!"  He was the younger brother, of my brother's best friend.  My brother, who is ten years older than me, never usually had access to such information because of our age difference.  This age difference, however, never stopped him from teasing me relentlessly.  Thanks to the fact that his friend had a brother the same age as me, he became privy to this information and so the torture began.  Luckily, I had shaken this name by junior high as my popularity with both the cool kids and the not so cool kids began to grow, but I will still never forget it!  It is for this reason that my bad altar-ego shall go by the name...Barbells!  Let's pray Katie Fantastic knows how to kick her ass!

“Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.” -Truman Capote

THE SMARTEST THING I'VE NEVER DONE!

Today marks the week long baking extravaganza I have agreed to with my mother.  That's right folks- it's Christmas cookie mania!  We are baking up a storm and hopefully giving the large majority of them away!  Here is the Christmas cookie line-up: 

"Weighing in at 180 calories per cookie......with 9 grams of fat and 23 grams of carbs......we have...Toll House Chocolate Chip cookies!

Followed by:

2.) Death By White Chocolate
3.) Cherry Cheesecake
4.) Butter Cut-Outs (a must to appease my mother)
5.) Raspberry Linzer
6.) Spumoni Bars (new this year!)

I'm not gonna lie, I could go for a good cookie right about now.  While there are no low-cal versions being baked this week, I did take all necessary precautions.  Observe that there is no peanut butter on the list.  I simply can not control myself when there is peanut butter anything in the house, much less MY peanut butter cookies, which I'm proud to say are not the bland, dry, sugary, absent of all peanut butter flavor, cookies that you generally see out there.  Put peanut butter right up there with macaroni and cheese for me!  I'm sure there will be a poem about my love of peanut butter in an upcoming entry, but for now let's talk about the smartest thing I've done thus far!  It is...(drum roll please)...starting a diet BEFORE Christmas!!  (cheering!)  Yes, you heard me!  I should win a prize for this ground-breaking decision!  Year after year I do the same thing, and get the same results, and then wonder why I'm fat and miserable.  Every frickin' year I make the decision to start a diet AFTER the holidays.  I cram as much food as I possibly can into my mouth before the January deadline, with the understanding that come January, this need for overindulgence will all magically cease as I embark on the diet of a lifetime.  I end up gaining some obscene amount of weight over the holidays and then throw myself into an extreme diet and exercise mode that begins January first and is over by February second.  What is not over is the 15+ pounds I put on over the holidays.  I would be better off to do nothing, and have no plan whatsoever, then to set myself up for this kind of failure!  Why??  Because if I didn't have the notion of a severe January diet looming like a cloud of death above my head, I wouldn't overkill my eating the month before to the point where I kick off the New Year with at least a fifteen pound deficit.  Yes, I would still overeat (I think we all do at the holidays) but I literally have this mentality of, "I got to get it in," before January, which causes me to over indulge on my overindulging!

I have done this soooo many times without success, yet it never discourages me from doing it once more!  Well not this year sister!  I am pleased as punch that I am starting off this holiday season having already lost 13 pounds.  I don't feel the pressure to perform a miracle next month.  I don't feel as though I CAN'T have some holiday eats, especially having gotten a handle on this so early on.  I may just start out this New Year weighing less than I did last New Year's.  WOW!  If I can share only one message with you this week, let this be it!!  Anyone who is listening, pleeze, do NOT waste one more second of your life on this falsely promised notion of redemption!  There is nothing magical about January first!  REPEAT...JANUARY FIRST HAS NO SPECIAL POWERS!!  We do not suddenly wake up as transformed human beings, with superhero will-power.  All you are doing is putting off until tomorrow, what you could be doing today!  I beg thee...try something different this time!  Join me in this fight TODAY!

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." -Albert Einstein

THE SHE-WOLF!

It's time for me to introduce you to MY second I.  I call her Katie Fantastic and she is a she-wolf!  Ever see or hear something that just instantly moves you to action?  Well let me tell you how it happened for me.  I was standing in my friend's apartment, drink in hand, when this music video came on TV.  I was utterly and completely captivated.  Slightly shocked, a bit applauded, but I couldn't take my eyes off it.  It was at this moment that I realized I must do something about my current condition.  First, as a disclaimer, I would like to say that I am not gay, I'm not a slut, and I don't generally buy when sex is what is for sale, but this was overwhelming to my senses.  It is the Shakira music video for She Wolf, and it is what best captures the energy and drive I channel when I am Katie Fantastic!  If you've never seen it, and believe me you would remember if you had, please take a moment to watch it- the entire video please, full-screen, as it is worth the three minutes and forty-nine seconds for shock value alone.  If you have seen it, please re-watch, as it bears repeating.  Then we will resume.

She-Wolf Video

Love or hate her, the girl got some moves!  Let's just say that every time I hear this song I start movin'.  I don't have a cage in my basement, yet, but I can be found reenacting this video several times a week.  Perhaps by the end of this journey I will be able to dance the whole thing.  Now that'd be a video worth seeing!! ;-)  I guess what I'm trying to say is that, we all at times lack the motivation to be our best.  It is a mental game and sometimes you have to dig deep and use whatever you got, even just your imagination, to take things to a higher level.  I can tell you that when I am working-out and I have pushed myself to the limit, it is Katie Fantastic that takes me through those last minutes of exercise.  Whether I am at the gym or returning back to my house from a run, I am, in those last seconds, screaming inside my head, "I AM KATIE FANTASTIC!!!"  Because if I didn't, I might never make it home!  One of these days, my neighbors are gonna hear me scream out that phrase as I'm nearing the driveway!  Any time someone says to me, "how did you do that??"  My response is always, "it must have been Katie Fantastic!' 

You may not be as extreme a person as me, but it never hurts to have a technique like this in your back pocket.  Did you think about the list of attributes I assigned??  Do you have a sense of what you would like those headlines to say about you??  Great!  Now you need a name!  A theme song may not be a bad idea either.  Use some of your adjectives to design a name for yourself as I did with fantastic.  Maybe you have a mundane first name like me (Jennifer).  Pick the name you've always wanted; the one you wish your mommy had given you!  Check out Drew Barrymore's movie, "Whip it," for some inspiration.  It's a total girl-power movie and those girls chose some amazing names as their roller derby names.  “Eva Destruction."  "Maggie Mayhem!”  LOL.  Celebrities rarely go by their God given name.  Maybe a shorter version of your real name?  Esteemed tattoo artist Katherine Drachenberg nicknamed herself KatVonD.  Use whatever works and gives you the motivation you need.  Don't stress about it as you can always change it later should you think of something better.  Then, start tapping into your power.  Anytime you are nervous about something, sheepish in a situation, lacking the perseverance to push through, remember who you are!  Remember your altar-ego!  Anytime I get worn out or are feeling low, I just start humming the tune to She-Wolf in my head.  "Nocturnal creatures are not so prudent, the moon's my teacher, and I'm her student...there's a she-wolf in your closet, open up and set her free...."

"To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are." -anonymous

CREATE AN ALTAR EGO

People are forever asking me where I get my confidence from, my self-esteem.  I guess they aren't used to someone weighing 300 pounds and still feeling pretty good about themselves- LOL.  After all, society has made sure that fat people are viewed as near worthless.  If you are a man, probably the worse thing your wife or girlfriend could be is overweight.  No street cred for nailin' the fat chick!  She'd be better off to have two heads.  I think trannies are more accepted in the male arena then a fat girl is.  It's not just a male thing either, because sadly, women say it about other women too!  "Fat and smelly," "Fat and lazy," "Fat b*tch."  I mean let's be honest, we never really hear fat teamed up with any good adjectives.  So if like me, you've had a lifelong battle with weight, it can be hard to preserve one's self-worth.

I think I am just a confident person at heart.  I come from pretty gutsy people and I think I have always been very good at knowing exactly who I am.  Knowing, for instance, that big or small, I am the exact same person!  Still, it can get tough sometimes, especially if you are the type of person who holds yourself to some pretty high standards.  So I'll let you in on a little secret that has always helped me...create an altar ego!  Sometimes the best way to feel good about who you are in the moment, is to think of yourself as who you'd most like to be.  If you could be the most perfect "you," what would that look like...??  How does that person think?  What is that person known for?  Think about how you would want to be described by an audience: fierce, fashionable, sexy, daring, smart, then apply it to your thinking.

I honestly believe celebrities and superstars get lucky.  They have one big break and what fuels the rest of their fame is the belief that they ARE something great.  It's like writers are expected to have the next great novel, actors- the next best film, so they begin to expect it of themselves because of all the feedback they've gotten from society.  “Riveting, fantastical.”  I think they begin to think of themselves as riveting and fantastical!  You can have all the talent and beauty in the world, but sometimes the hardest part is believing that you do!  Be your own fan!  Don't wait for your first novel or big break.  Think of yourself that way now!!  Build the field of dreams in your life and the rest will come.  Think I'm crazy?  Recording artist Beyonce released an album called, “I AM Sasha Fierce.”  She's a pop superstar for God's sake and even she felt the need to create an altar-ego for herself!

In Latin, alter ego means "the second I."  This is your homework assignment for today- to begin thinking about your second "I."  I want you to think about all the characteristics you value.  All the good things about yourself, as well as, the attributes that are yet to come.  Concentrate on how you see yourself when you are at your most fabulous.  Jot down adjectives that you would like to see in print if Hollywood wrote a review about you.  Think about your favorite celebrity or the person you admire most in life, then tune in tomorrow for tips on how to construct the perfect altar-ego.

"I am indeed a king, because I know how to rule myself." -Pietro Aretino

THE SHOW MUST GO ON!

I was a little caught up in the drama yesterday with Tera quitting the blog.  I apologize for my distraction, but it was a very sad day for me.  I want her to be well and I hope things settle down for her soon.  I got so caught up in the madness that I completely forgot about "Weigh-in Tuesday!"  I am happy to announce that I have lost three more pounds!  Woot!  Woot!  This makes a total of thirteen pounds since November 1st.  There seems to be a pattern forming.  I have a week of no weight loss or a slight loss, followed by a week of a bigger loss.  Whatever the case, I'll take it!  I feel like it is a respectable amount to be losing, at a responsible rate.  It works out to be 2.6 pounds per week.  I know new studies indicate that there is no correlation between how fast you lose weight and its permanence, but I couldn't disagree more with the findings.  The problem with these studies is that they are always cranked out by scientists and doctors, and I suppose people looking to participate in a weight-loss study, but never "real" people suffering from life-long yo-yo dieting and obesity.  Every single time I have lost weight super fast, I have gained it back super fast also.  Can anyone agree with me on this??  Now that's not to say that if you lose weight slowly you don't still run the risk of gaining it back, but I wholeheartedly believe there is a connection between how fast you lose the weight and its permanence, and let me tell you why.  Because when you lose weight super quick it generally means you are doing something EXTREME to lose it.  Extreme, by definition of the Merriam-Webster dictionary is, "going to great or exaggerated lengths; Radical, went on an extreme diet."  LOL.  (They actually use dieting as a means to demonstrate use of the word!)  Any time you do something extreme, it is often a short-lived moment in your life.  It is not something you can realistically keep up for any prolonged length of time.  I lost weight before through extreme diet and exercise.  Ask me how well that turned out??  I'm writing a blog seven years later entitled, Two Tion Tillies!"

I get really fed up with all the fad diets and miracle cures because I think it is one of the biggest money making exploitations of the American people.  I do not doubt that they work.  Of course they do, for about a minute!  If you eat nothing but grapefruit for sixteen weeks I guess you will lose some weight. But what happens when you stop...??  Are you really going to do that forever??  Is eating only one thing or eliminating an entire group of foods like carbs really healthy for our bodies...??  Atkins, South Beach, The ZONE, Raw Foods, Real Age, Fat Smash, Mediterranean, YOU ON A DIET!...I've tried them all!  I think I was at my first Weight Watchers meeting at age eight and was enrolled in Nutri-system by my twelfth birthday.  I've examined every weight loss cure out there and will probably continue to do so because I respect the research.  People keep asking me what I am doing to lose the weight.  I am doing the Jennifer diet!  Funny thing happens when you've tried all this stuff, you become a bit of an expert.  I have borrowed from each and every one of them and I am taking the best techniques, best medical findings, and most practical suggestions, and applying them in a sensible fashion.  I should write a book based on all my life experience and call it, "THE REALITY DIET!"  Or "THE SIMPLICITY DIET!"  Or the "REAL LIFE CURE!"  It is simple.  Watch your portion size, mind your carbs, move regularly and consistently, eat healthy, whole, unprocessed foods, have more good days then bad, drink lots of water, get plenty of rest, keep regular with your doctor, and have a positive outlook toward your life and your body.  I would love to expand on each and every one of these concepts, but that may just take a book!  I will share some of my favorite books, plans, and advice, in future blogs.  You will never hear me say that this is easy, but you will always here me say that it is simple!

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex...it takes a touch of genius- and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction."  -Albert Einstein

AND THEN THERE WAS ONE...

I am sad to report that Tera will no longer be a part of this blog :-(  That seems to be the decision, at least for now.  She is dealing with some personal issues, which is making being a part of anything extra curricular very difficult right now.  I hope for her sake that she continues to mind her health, regardless of not being able to blog about it.  We talked about her possibly resuming the blog in the future- maybe as soon as mid-January.  But you know what???  I DON'T HAVE UNTIL JANUARY!!!  I COULD BE FOUR-HUNDRED FREAKIN' POUNDS BY THEN!!  I DON'T HAVE THE LUXURY OF SAYING, "EH, AFTER THE HOLIDAYS."  NOPE!  SORRY!  I SAID THAT FOR THE LAST THIRTY-SEVEN YEARS AND WHERE DID IT GET ME?!?  I COULD LITERALLY CHOKE ON A HAM SANDWICH THIS CHRISTMAS LIKE MAMA CASS!  THAT URBAN LEGEND COULD BE TOTALLY TRUE FOR ME!!

If you can not tell...I'm pissed off!  I'm not pissed at Tera.  I adore Tera and she is doing what she needs to do right now.  I'm pissed off at the situation!  At having to do this alone!  Because I have to do every thing alone!  Always!  And people always quit on me!  I guess it's like my friend Wendy says, losing weight is the one thing you can not push someone to do.  It has to be on your very own timetable.  When you say so, and not when anybody else says so.

As much as I enjoy and need the support...I gotta cut you lose Tera.  I have to drop the dead weight (no pun intended) because my time is now!  I can not suffer another failed venture.  I simply can't.  Will not!  The show must go on!  I hope that all of you continue to tune in because I am not going anywhere!  It may be just Two Ton Tilly now, instead of Two Ton Tillies, but this Tilly is about to get mad silly because all this does is make me even more determined.  In fact, I've never felt more motivated in my life!  I'm on fire!  I guess I'm just going to have to pick up Tera's blogs and share more often.  I will do my best to write an entry every day.  I can not promise I'll be perfect at it as I took this project on with the idea of blogging every other day- a perfectly manageable feat for me, but I guess the ante just got raised.  It's put up or shut up time because now it's all on me.  No partner to connect to, or deflect to. 

“Life. Fire.  Being myself on fire I set others on fire.  Never death.  Fire and life. Le jeux” -Anais Nin

MY PARTNER IN CRIME

So I'm sure you've noticed that my partner in crime seems to have gone missing.  She missed this week's blog all-together, and many of you have sent messages inquiring about her absence.  I've held off from addressing the issue because I figure everyone is entitled to a bad week, but may I be the first to say that I am concerned for Tera because she is one of the most reliable people I know.  I never would have chosen her to embark on this mission with me, if I didn't believe her to be equally as capable of achieving the goal and sharing her triumphs and tribulations consistently with an audience.  I have emailed and called hoping to gain an explanation so I can lend my support, but have gotten no response.  This worries me.  I hope she has not given up.  Most of all, I hope whatever is standing in the way does not continue to be a roadblock to her success and healing.  It is a dim day for me because like you, I look forward to hearing about her experiences and gaining strength from her insight.  There is definitely something to be said for the synergy that exists when two friends join forces against the same fight.  Tera, if you are listening to me way down there in Texas, "THIS BLOG NEEDS YOU...AND SO DO I...DON'T LEAVE ME HANGING BY MY FAT ALL ALONE!!!"  

Weight loss isn't for the faint of heart.  I think we can all agree that having someone to brave the rapids with you can certainly add to your strength and success, but I also believe that sometimes we have to paddle on our own.  I am hoping to continue this journey as it was intended, with both of us bringing you our experiences.  For this reason and until I here differently, we will continue the format of each of us providing our entry, every other day.  But I want you to know, should things change, I will paddle alone!  I WILL NOT GIVE UP THIS FIGHT OR THIS BLOG UNTIL I REACH MY GOAL!!  Stay tuned!  I hope the next person we hear from is Tera!

"Teamwork divides the task and doubles the success." -Unknown

THE BEFORE "BEFORE"

So I  was digging around to see what I could find in the way of images of my former self.  I couldn't find very much.  I was hoping to locate more full-body pictures, and ones of better quality, but this is what I found.  Still, I think you'll be able to get an understanding of who I once was.  The sad part is, the reason there aren't more photos is because I never wanted any taken!  I still thought I was fat here.  Once a "fatty" always a "fatty!"  The mindset rarely changes even when we reach a healthy weight.  I was about a size 8.  Not my thinnest, but close to it.  I think at my smallest, I was teetering between a size 4 and a size 6, depending on the clothing manufacturer. Likewise, sometimes I would fit a size 10.  Never a size 0 or 2, but a healthy weight, nonetheless, for a girl of a 5' 4" stature.  I was very muscular and quite curvy.  I don't know if you can tell by the first photo, but I had certain "assets."  I prided myself on doing a lot of weight training.  I never worried about becoming to bulky.  I just wanted to be STRONG!

These photos were taken about seven years ago at age 31.  Now go back and take a look at my current photos.  What the "h*ll" happened!?  Years of stress, bad jobs, neglect, yo-yo dieting, and unattended medical problems have sure taken a toll.  Will I ever look this fabulous again??  I don't know.  It is impossible to turn back the hands of time, but I do believe age is just a number.  We can all look fabulous at whatever age we are.  I know this because many would tell you I looked better at age 31 then I did at 18.  We'll just have to see what I can do at nearly 38.  I have reasonable expectations. Perhaps I will surprise myself and exceed them :-)

"It's never too late to be what you might have been." -George Eliot

DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!!

A very wise friend once told me, never show your "before" photos until you have your "after."  Well what if you have your before, "before" photos??  What if you have photos that show how fabulous you were before you gained weight??  I certainly could take my friend's advice and save myself a hill of embarrassment by not posting these photos until I reach my dream size, but what fun would that be?!?  It would be a cowardice move on my part because anyone can stand next to a size 24 cardboard cut-out of their former self when they are lean and mean and wearing a spandex bodysuit that shows off their new washboard abs.  No one needs the "new and improved" when they are stuck drowning in a weight problem.  What people need is someone who is right there in the moment with them.  So if anyone struggling with their weight is out there listening, I'm here!  Right there with ya!  Struggling too!  And no I haven't reached the "after" yet!  If I withhold these pictures until I have, then it just means I've already given up on myself.  I must not believe I'm gonna reach the "after" or I wouldn't have to hold-off.

It's not easy being this big. This is about as real as it gets!  Take a good look.  Did you see my chins in that one shot??  No make-up, no fancy clothes, no fancy hair, and no Photoshop.  I just took the pictures as I was on this day.  You know how in those infomercials for exercise equipment they always show people pushing their stomachs out while slouching to look extra fat in the "before" image??  In the "after" shot they are suddenly all sucked in, gleaming, looking 100 pounds thinner even though the caption says they lost only 15 pounds!  Well let's just say I have the "before" down, and I didn't have to resort to such antics.  The fat just showed up naturally!  No need to slouch here!  I am just that bloated and washed out!  My skin looks peakid.  I look tired.  I don't look the least bit youthful or energetic.  I actually look sickly!  My husband was quite right when he compared me to a meth addict.  Bare in mind, these photos were taken AFTER I had already lost 7 pounds!!  Good Lord!  I think I've deiced one thing after viewing these photos.  If I EVER write a diet book, fitness journal, et cetera, the front cover will be one of these photos with the title, "Don't Let THIS Happen To YOU!!!"

“To change one’s life: 1. Start immediately. 2. Do it flamboyantly. 3. No exceptions.” -William James