REALITY TV IN THE MAKING

I'm sorry about the sporadic posts.  I will continue to write this blog, but expect one or two posts a week rather than a daily thing.  I just can't keep up as the only author of this blog.

You can not imagine the week I've had!  This new job is proving to be a real challenge in more ways than one.  I am going at a pace that is unrealistic in terms of producing quality photographs.  I do the best I can, of course, but unfortunately America has taken to quick, cheap, and easy as opposed to something more long lasting.  I'm not sure what we do can be labeled photography.  We get them in, pose them, throw some cheap props into the mix, rework the images with fancy software and then print them on the spot. This serves a great purpose for a large group of people, but as someone who truly loves and respects the art of photography, you can imagine how this is bumming me out!

I realize that despite the lack of artistic nature, there are still some good lessons here even if the only skill  I can take away is being able to work at a ridiculous pace.  Still, some crazy things have happened that no professional can be prepared for.  Probably the most notable example is the one I'm about to share.  I had a middle-aged couple looking to get some photographs not much different from what any young couple who had just gotten engaged would expect.  I had a partner for this one and was actually not behind the camera at the time.  Instead, I was encouraging poses that look loving and doing my best to arrange the shot in a flattering manner.  I can't say either member of this couple was particularly good looking, but the female was really presenting some challenges.  She was wearing a very, very, tight and short dress with bare legs that were covered in tattoos.  Oddly enough she had chosen the wrong shoes.  This sexy apparel was teamed up with what looked like size ten oxfords...?  Hmmm.....how to sit this woman down without seeing her business was becoming a challenge.  She was quite a bit taller than her boyfriend and so the standing shots were losing some playfulness.  Not to mention, the heavily tattooed legs combined with the manly shoes was making the full body shots less than feminine.  At one point I seated her on the seamless with her legs tucked behind her hoping we could work out the intricacies of the short skirt when...Houston we have a problem!  Her dick fell out.

I wish I could tell you I was making this up, but fiction like this is too good for me to have written.  I nearly leaped in the air.  I was not prepared for that. When I concerned myself with hiding her business, I assumed what we were hiding was female in nature.  I stared up at the five o' clock shadow on her face and soon realized I was not crazy.  I had indeed witnessed a bulge that was rather unexpected.  I turned around to see if my partner behind the lens had taken notice and very quickly she suggested that we place the "girl" behind the man, something we rarely do for this pose.  I can not tell you the amount of self-control it took to carry on.  I think both of us were too shocked to have a proper reaction in the moment.  Not shocked that this woman could be a man (as I mentioned earlier looks was not "her" forte) but more so that on my first full week of photo shoots I had gotten the Tranny!!

This stuff could only happen to me!  When you are bombarded with photo shoots that contain one or more screaming children you can not imagine the relief when you get a couple.  Easier to give direction, easier for them to take direction, and a lot less time wasted on developing trust.  I can honestly say that I now look at clients a bit different after this.  I went into a near panic when a day later I found myself doing a sitting with another couple requesting boudoir photos.  Clearly not something we do at a children's studio.  But she insisted the shots were pin-up style at best and did not involve nudity.  I called in some back-up for this one.  Together we turned out some okay pics, but really that style is a genre all in itself and really shouldn't be taken on by us.  Certainly not an ordinary week.  A bit of a white trash picnic.

Due to both the stress and crazy schedule, I was forced to eat out several times this week which kills my weight-loss efforts and blows any excess cash I might have earned doing all of this.  If this continues, I will no doubt need to look for other work.  I thought this was the right path for me but amongst all the chaos, stress, and exhaustion, a Plain Jane office job is not sounding so bad right now.  Pray I make it through another week!

“Anything I’ve ever done that ultimately was worthwhile initially scared me to death.”  -Betty Bender  

HELL WEEK & THE OBLITERATION OF THE MIDDLE CLASS!

Oh my Lord!  What a trying week!  That new job I was so excited about......?!?!  Let's just say this has been one of the worst weeks of my life.  I don't think I've been this challenged since my short stint as a 911 operator at 19.  That job led to a position working for the Post Office; also a challenge. I've had a lot of jobs in my lifetime, and a lot of occupational responsibility early on.  When most kids were flipping burgers and dishing out ice cream, I was dispatching help to those in life threatening situations and getting up at the crack of dawn to run sorting machines for the U.S. Postal Service.  I'd like to think I can handle most any kind of job stress being older and, thus, wiser and more experienced.  But nothing could prepare me for this week.

I had to drive an hour and a half to and from a training session every day this week.  That would not have been so laborious had I been scheduled for a forty hour week.  But I worked ten and twelve hour days straight through the weekend without a day off.  On top of being physically exhausted, I've been mentally exhausted from the amount of information crammed down my throat. I also started this week having both a cold and a sprained ankle for which I am only now feeling some relief.  Having finally succeeded starting a day without a head full of cold medicine and a gut full of Ibuprofen, I walked into twenty-eight scheduled photo shoots.  Toddlers, babies, children with behavior problems & disabilities, grandma's who can't stand, grandpa's who can't sit, and parents with unrealistic expectations that don't meet their budgets or time constraints. Welcome to the world of portrait photography!  I must be insane! I am managing all of this, having never done this type of work professionally before, and being surrounded by a bunch of  staff members who are half my age (my boss is 21)

Worse still is the insufficient amount of training employers provide these days. A training program that should have spanned three weeks has been condensed to four days.  They don't want to spend the time, energy, or manpower to get you properly up to speed so you are thrown to the wolves and expected to survive.  It's sink or swim baby!  Heck, they don't even want to waste the paper it takes to get you properly trained!  I noticed not one thing covered in training was provided to me in written form.  "You want to know this, I suggest you memorize it right now because we don't plan on giving you a copy of this!"  That really shouldn't come as a surprise given I had to print all of my employment documentation (from polices, to dress code, to W2's) on my own printer and then mail it to the corporate office!  It cost me $18.30 in postage just to accept the offer, and an additional stamp or two for the paperwork they forgot to include.  Not to mention, one printer cartridge!

What is the world coming to?!  When did having a job become such a burden?! It's like they want you to pay them for the opportunity to work now.  All this and hardly any pay as I can tell you that I made the same wage almost nineteen years ago at my before mentioned teenage jobs.  I can't imagine why the middle class has been obliterated when the cost of living has doubled, but my income has stayed the same.  Here are some fun facts.  In 1991 when I worked that 911 job for roughly a dollar less per hour than what I am earning today, the average cost of a house was $120,000, the cost of gas was $1.12 per gallon, and a pound of bacon was $1.95.  I can tell you I bought a house two years ago and it cost twice that, it takes over $50 bucks to fill my gas tank and I drive a mid-priced sedan, and the pack of Oscar Meyer I have in the fridge cost me $5.99.  Care to know what the median income was in 1988..?? That would be twenty-three years ago...$33,400.  Care to know what it was in 2008??  You guessed it, $33,000.

Moving on....

I am proud of myself for one thing.  Despite my troubles, I did not medicate myself with food this week.  Believe me, that was no easy task.  Especially when I gained three pounds despite having stuck to my eating plan.  My only explanation would be the extreme stress coupled with ten hours of sitting all day through training sessions.  I have hit a tough wall because I am trying really hard to get under the 250's and instead I keep teetering back and forth, barely staying under 260.  A little discouraging when you got so much more weight to lose!  I will continue to press on.  Hopefully now that training has turned to the hustle and bustle of non-stop photo shoots, some of those pounds will melt away.  I can't tell you how much easier it is to control your weight when you don't have a job or work part-time.  You get to move about freely through your day and eat what you want, when you want. You have plenty of hours and energy to devote to the gym, and very little outside stress to deal with.  Wish me luck as I press on with this career change.  Hopefully things get better soon.  I can't imagine they could get worse!  LOL.  If not, I guess I'll be back in the unemployment line :-(

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” -Drew Carey

TERRIFIC TOOLS

I just wanted to share with you guys a really cool tool I came across the other day.  It is a nutritional calculator like no other I've encountered.  It allows you to select how many daily calories you'd like to eat, and the number of sittings, and then builds a menu plan around it.  You can choose to check the "this is a workout day" box and the selections change to suit energy demands.  You can eliminate certain foods or entire food groups based on preference.  In "sandbox mode" you can enter the foods you've consumed throughout the day and it will automatically calculate nutritional info and calorie count.  Check it out! :-)

Nutrition Calculator

FROM DINKS TO SINKS

My husband and I are just a couple of DINKS.  For those of you unfamiliar with the term, it's an acronym for DUAL-INCOME, NO KIDS.  Though recently we had become (how fitting) SINKS, SINGLE-INCOME, NO KIDS :-(  That's one depressing acronym!  All that is about to change.  Tomorrow is the big day!  I start my new job, bright and early :-)  Wish me luck!  I can't tell you what a relief it is to finally be putting an end to all this job searching and uncertainty.  

There is a whole set of emotions, both good and bad, that accommodate that. The good is the relief that I have found work, of course; no longer having to endure those sleepless nights filled with anxiety and fear.  (My husband and I can not make it on just one income.)  The bad- all those doubts that waste no time filling your head.  Is this the right job?  Will I fail at this?  What if I suck? Will the pay be enough?  Will I get along with people?  How will we cope with being on different shifts?   

Did you ever notice that even when something good happens, you are really just exchanging one set of disturbing emotions for another!?  LOL  Or maybe that's just me and why I need to keep my nose in the self-help/positivity books!  I can tell you there are reasons for my doubts.  I have had a string of terrible jobs where I have been under paid, under valued, and have endured abuse from my boss.  They have affected my health, my relationship, and my self-esteem.  I have been told over and over again by friends, family, and co-workers that I deserve better, am too smart, and too gifted to be settling for the kind of work I have in the past.  Is that another fat girl characteristic!?!  To allow abuse because others see qualities and abilities you don't see in yourself..??  I'm not sure, but much of it comes down to my own decision making.  If the books I'm reading are correct, I am the one common denominator in all these situations.  I am, even if only subconsciously, choosing to be taken advantage of.  

I think much of it comes down to having started working at a very young age. While you may think the extra experience is good character building, when you enter the work world at a young age (in my case two years before the legal age) you really are entering an adults world.  Because you are where you are not supposed to be, you learn to roll with the punches and accept questionable treatment as part of the trade-off for earning money.  Funny how that mindset can follow you into adulthood.  I was unusually independent at that age and didn't receive a lot of guidance from my parents.  Their occasional input seemed to air more on the side of practicality.  They were not taught, "follow your dreams" or "do what feels right," more, "do what you have to do!"  So, in turn, that got taught to me.  I abandoned my passions of writing and photography for more sensible jobs that I was good at, but secretly loathed.  I think this led to a lifetime of unsatisfying work.

I may have started out tolerating unsatisfying working conditions because I was young, but it didn't take long before I was doing the same thing as an adult for fear I couldn't support myself.  Employers know that and take advantage of it.  Often times we are not locked into a particular position because we need the income, but because we either don't have the energy to make a change or are unwilling to make the sacrifices necessary to unburden ourselves, be it cutting down to one car, downsizing a home, or telling our kids or ourselves we can't have certain things.  Can anyone relate??

I am proud to say the job I am taking tomorrow, which is still a long way off from the pay, benefits, or recognition I deserve, is in an area of interest I wish I had never abandoned.  Is it too late??  Will it solve the pangs of depression I have about my career choices?  I don't know.  But at least I'm trying something different.  If following my passions does not excite me enough to get past the long hours and less than impressive pay, than at least I know the next job needs to have good money, great benefits, and a ton of respect! Wait, does that still exist in modern day America!?! ;-)

The most important lesson from this week's readings is:  You are exactly where you are supposed to be.  I must trust that and believe it when I walk through the doors for the first time tomorrow.  I can not allow myself to be a victim anymore.  I must set the tone of respect and value for myself from moment one, and maintain that throughout this experience.  I am not the fat, old, latecomer to this profession.  I am the star!

“Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need.” ~From the movie Fight Club

POSITIVE PEOPLE HAVE BETTER LUCK!

Coming off the heals of prior discussions about my family history, negativity, and the belief that there is a curse, I thought I'd share a thought provoking article with you.  It reconfirms the principles I've been trying to embrace which is, luck is not genetic, only learned behaviors, misperceptions, and failure to accept responsibility is.  While many of us are suffering at the hands of some pretty trying circumstances, I think this article hits the nail on the head when it suggests that too many people succumb to "fatalism," rather than exercising some means of control.  I hope you enjoy.

Bad Luck Article


"The harder you work, the luckier you get." -Gary Player

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A DAY CAN MAKE

I have a dear friend.  She is old enough to be my mother and very wise.  I have always been able to take my problems to her.  When I have, she has reminded me of one very clear mantra she lives her life by, "what a difference a day can make!"  Her motto rings true for almost every bad situation I've ever been through.  It may be a day, a week, a month, or a year, but what a difference a small period of time can lend.   I wish people contemplating suicide would understand this concept.

You can be sick as the dickens, and a week later feel great.  You can be lonely and hurt, nursing the wounds of a relationship gone bad, and a year later be engaged to be married.  Or in my case, you can be devastated over a career opportunity, and a month later be accepting an offer for the very job you just got turned down for.  I have seen this concept put to test hundreds of times, and it always rings true.

If you recall in my, THE WORLD IS ON FIRE post, I complained of being out of a job and struggling to find work in a creative field.  Fearful I would have to return back to the trade I had fought to get away from, I was beginning to lose hope in this new career path I'd chosen.  So far, all it has done was lead me to the unemployment line.  But with only three weeks of unemployment compensation left, and the paralyzing fear that I was not going to find a job at all, much less one in my new field, I landed the exact position I had applied and been turned down for in August.  This is nothing shy of a miracle.

On August 22 I wrote, "Right now I stand nervously awaiting a decision that affects my present and my future.  I have done all that I can to influence things in what I hope is a positive way.  The rest is up to God.  Here's to hoping the push, enables a pull in the right direction for me.  Only time will tell."

The decision I was referring to was about a job offer that was likely to determine whether or not I was going to stick with pursuing my passions, or return back to my former line of work.  The news I heard that day was that someone else had been chosen for the position.  But time has told a different story.  The same position re-opened at this company and I was selected :-)

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours."- Henry David Thoreau

FURTHER EMOTIONAL EXCAVATION

I have had a terrific week of exercise and diet and a really calm sense of control this week.  I attest it to my spiritual studies.  I am diving deeper into the Lousie Hay and Wayne Dyer books.  I have compiled a few more notes to share with you...

"If you lived with people who were angry, unhappy, frightened, or guilty than you learned a lot of negative things about yourself and the world..."


This simple statement could not be truer of anyone more than me.  I did grow up in a very chaotic household with parents that were every emotion but happy. They also had a very grim outlook as a result of their life experiences. It was never really instilled in me to be joyous, happy, or carefree, nor was I taught that the world or my home was a safe place. I lived most of my days in survival mode with the constant suspicion that any happy moments were sure to be short lived and followed up with something tragic.

I was convinced that because my home is free of the yelling, fighting, and discord of my childhood that all was well with me.  I failed to realize that I had inadvertently carried with me the fear and negativity. Louise Hay says that we have a tendency to re-create the emotional environment of our early home life.  In my case, I married a very calm and gentle man and left behind the physical and emotional abuse that was inflicted by my father.  But, I carried with me the fear and anxiety that my mother felt as a victim trapped in the situation.  The unhappy childhood that both my parents experienced, along with the struggles of their adult life, made them very negative people.  This, in turn, was passed down to me.

My parents were not taught how to love themselves, therefore, it was impossible for them to teach me how to love myself.  For years our family has regarded itself as being under a curse, a bit of a cloud if you will.  Given the long history of tragedy in our family coupled with the lack of any successful family member, I would tend to agree.  But now I realize it is merely a tradition of abuse, self-loathing, fear, and negativity that has been taught, instilled, and passed down through the generations.  I would like to end this tradition right now, here, today.

The light at the end of the tunnel and the redeeming message of the day comes from Hay when she says, "your lifetime events were created by things you thought and words you used in the past. It is over and done with. What you choose to think and say today creates your future.   It does not matter for how long you have had a negative pattern.  The point of power is in the present moment."


Such simple, yet, concrete, advice has gotten me to look at the patterns in my life, including my negative and fearful eating patterns.  Amazing how I've been able to change that this week.

"What we believe about ourselves and about life becomes true for us." - Louise L. Hay

SWEATASTIC!

Ahhh......the Fall weather is here.  I couldn't be happier.  We had temperatures dip into the forties overnight. What a great time to go outside and do things!  I love the brisk weather.  I look forward to the mild days and cool nights of Autumn.  I can actually be active all day long without needing to take a shower every 30 minutes!  This is sweatastic!

For those of you who don't know me personally, I have a serious sweating problem.  Always have, always will.  It is one of those things that you never get used to.  I can break into a massive sweat over almost anything- mild exertion, bright lights, change in temperature, anxiety.  It is a curse I inherited from my father, and one that has plagued me my entire life.  I have never been able to take a decent photograph outdoors, wear any kind of formal-wear, use heavy make-up, or move around in any kind of active manner without being soaked in a matter of seconds.  This is a horrible thing to content with, especially as a girl.  Women just aren't supposed to sweat!  They are always characterized as being cold.  How did I get so lucky?!

Imagine not only being self-conscious about your size, but also having to worry that you will be seen raining all over yourself!  And of course the two get connected, fat and sweaty, even though in my case, my size has nothing to do with my sweating problem.  I have always sweated like this, even when I was a size 6.  It is just a family curse that got handed down to me.  The juiceman is the same way.  Incredibly healthy, incredibly fit, but incredibly fast to break a sweat.  My brother seems to have escaped this jinx and I don't believe I've ever seen my mother sweat a day in her life!  But for me, life has been different.

For those of you concerned that I might have a medical problem, relax, it appears I am perfectly healthy.  In fact, the doctor seems to enjoy telling me just how healthy it is to sweat.  Easy for him to say.  He's not the one having to carry a sweat towel and a jumbo bottle of water with him everywhere he goes. So the one thing I look forward to every year is the cooler temperatures.  It seems to keep me idling at a less intense pace.  I am very tolerant of the cold and enjoy a walk or jog in the brisk air.  I love sleeping with the windows cracked, burying myself under the covers, and watching the cool air fill the room.  I know...I'm different :-)  I love the trees changing colors and the rustle of leaves outside my window.

I know this may be a bit premature as I'm sure we still have some warm days ahead of us, but for right now, I'm going to accept this Fall preview!  I am going to take advantage of this weather and go outside for some exercise, do some fall cleaning, and take care of some work around the house.  With temperatures in the sixties all week, I can't imagine a better week to do it!

"Winter is an etching, spring a watercolor, summer an oil painting and autumn a mosaic of them all." -Stanley Horowitz

THE MIND BODY CONNECTION

So I've been trying my darnedest to get to the root of the problem.  Clearly I have hit the wall with my weight-loss efforts.  These last few months have been among my toughest.  The circumstances surrounding my life has made my mind a battlefield and my body the casualty of all this stress and discord. It got me to thinking about alternative methods.  When someone falls ill with a sickness that can't be properly diagnosed, often a battery of different treatments from medicine to acupuncture are prescribed in the hopes that something will work.  If I were to apply the same level of thinking to my own physical dilemma, I might find the cure in the most unlikely of places.  Maybe my weight is not just about how much I eat or exercise.

In an attempt to control my stress and improve mental clarity, I have begun reading some books on self awareness.  One is, You Can Heal Your Life (Gift Edition) by Lousie L. Hay.  The tile alone causes a loud chuckle as visions of comedy sketches with women crying in the self-help isle of the bookstore dance in my mind.   The other book is, There's a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem by Wayne W. Dyer.  While I am only a few pages in, I can tell you both these books have caused me to have some pretty strong "a-ha" moments.  I find it no coincidence that with each turn of the page, I have had better luck with health and fitness.

For this reason, I would like to share with you the points of interest that have lead me to having better days, in hopes that it will help you too.  This will be an ongoing process where I post as discoveries are made.  Today's discoveries are as follows:

"I have the power to create my own circumstances."  Seems like a simple thought, I know, but when you grow up with the mindset that you are a VICTUM of life circumstances it becomes very empowering to shift that perspective to a sense of control.  Yes, life can throw us curve balls, but it is important to know that we have the ability to choose, create, manage, react, duck, retaliate, and defend. There is a duality to this.  I may not have control over everything, yet I have control over almost anything.  I am a player in this game of life.  I can either give it my best shot or sit on the sidelines.

The second thing is the notion that we create, or at least contribute, to all illness in the body.  Now hold on, I'm not suggesting that an ill person is responsible for giving themselves Cancer.  What I'm suggesting is that there is a strong mind-body connection and any disease of the mind can quickly manifest into a disease of the body.  Given the numerous studies on stress and its affect on the body, I would think no one would look to challenge me on this point.  I am sure my obesity as of late has had a lot more to do with what is going on in my mind, than what is going on in my body.  Recognizing that thoughts have power, I began to take tally of my negative thoughts.  Not only were there too many to keep track of, but I was shocked at the thoughts I had about other people!

Today alone, during a very short trek out, I thought the following things about others.  I pulled into a parking space aside of a car that was on the line. THOUGHT: "Nice park job buddy!"  A few moments later I walked into the gym and had to sidestep a woman.  THOUGHT: "Woo...she needs to lay off the plastic surgery!!!"  On my way to the bank I saw a group of people sitting on the sidewalk with lunch bags.  Not in the grass, not on a bench, but on the sidewalk a few steps before a stop-sign.  THOUGHT: "WTF are they doing...?!?" I quickly realized that almost every thought I had was negative, especially when it came to other people!  Why was I so angry and why couldn't I find something more positive to think!?

Louise Hay says that everyone suffers from self-hate.  The inability to love ourself causes much harm.  I didn't think I hated myself, but when I began to take note of all the hateful things I was thinking about others, it became obvious that if I am thinking these things about strangers I must, in turn, also be thinking this about myself.  Dyer suggests we empty our minds of all negativity and focus on bringing joy to others.  A very tough thing to do after today's snapshot on my thoughts about other people.  Perhaps the negative thoughts I have about myself and others are contributing to my weight problem and my life's problems.

It really was an eye opener.  I am the kind person who smiles and holds the door for every person I encounter.  I am often the one playing devil's advocate and defending the person being ganged up on in a group conversation.  Yet here I was with absolutely no control over the harshness of my thoughts.

**A special thanks to my friend Donna who gives great spiritual advice and makes killer book recommendations like the Louise Hay book. :-)**

“There's a whole part of your life you have no control over, that is predicated on lies, gossip, and negativity- everything that my family doesn't represent. My mom and I believe in positive living.  Conscious living and trying to focus on things that make your family happy.  It's not always possible, but it's important to strive for it.” -Kate Hudson  

DISAPPEARING INTO THE ABYSS

I don't know what to say.  I've had a tough time as of late.  Things have been out of control and I have not done a very good job of coping.  If you are one of those people who look forward to sunny reports on health and fitness, you have tuned into the wrong blog my friend.  I've wrestled with the notion of keeping this space all about goal achievement and drive; making this forum one of accomplishment and cheer where no topic outside of wellness makes an appearance.  But that just isn't reality for me.  I have way too many personal demons to conquer before that can happen.  For those of you who are able to do that, I applaud you.  But it certainly isn't my experience, and if it isn't my experience there must be others out there who feel the same.  Yes, how nice it would be to keep every post on topic.  But if this journey has taught me anything, it is that everything is connected.  Every thought, experience, upset, and win is connected to how we eat and why.  Some of us eat out of depression, others eat out of loneliness, and some to celebrate.  Me...I eat for all those reasons.  To ignore all the issues going on around me and to only speak about weight-loss is to have missed the point completely.  I want to give a voice to everything.  And by giving a voice to other things, I am in turn, giving a voice to my own discord.  I am pumping up the volume on the voice inside my head that makes me reach for the cheesecake.

I can tell you that voice has been very loud lately.  Just a decibel below scream.  It has caused me to cope with my problems in the only way I know how- a reckless and indulgent style of eating.  That decision has cost me some time and triumph.  The goal I set for losing another twenty-five pounds is breathing down my neck and I am no where near the finish line.  I must face the fact that the first concrete goal I have set for myself is about to be missed. No Schwinn bicycle for me!  But I want you all to know that I am still in the race.  I can do this and I WILL do this!  Maybe not as quickly or as easily as once believed, but it will happen.  There is no journey without setbacks. Sometimes these moments are what teach us how to go on.  I have had to pick myself back up again.  The biggest lesson learned: food hasn't fixed any of it. It hasn't put me closer to God.  It hasn't put me in a career.  It hasn't fixed my finances or led me to any kind of awakening other than the one I'm having right now.  The one that says why do you keep using food for things it can't possibly provide?

Good question.  Because we all use something for comfort.  While I haven't had any big bowls of macaroni and cheese lately, nor have I gone on any major binges (I guess there's been some improvement) I haven't plugged forward.  I haven't continued with the behavior that is going to lead me to success.  I have allowed life's problems to overwhelm me and stagnate me into the abyss.  As if adding one more problem to the list, obesity, is going to solve my other dilemmas.  LOL

A few posts ago I alluded to some news I was awaiting.  If you haven't guessed, I didn't receive the news I was hoping for.  It devastated me.  It was the bad cream on top of an already burned cake.  But I must regroup.  I remain hopeful.  I will once again trust that everything happens for a reason and that the lessons gained out of this experience will one day overshadow the anguish of it.  I hope today is that day.  I can not promise that all future posts will be cheery, but I am committing myself to moving forward.  Hang in there with me.  This is far from over.  Thank you for your patience, understanding, and support.  I look forward to bringing you regular posts again and hope you will be there to share in that with me.

“If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution.” ~Author Unknown

SHAKE, RATTLE, AND ROLL

So as everybody seems to be aware, we got hit with an earthquake here on the East Coast.  It certainly can't compare to the type of quakes that commonly plague the West Coast and other parts of the world, but it was still pretty startling.  Though it only lasted a mater of seconds, if you have never experienced one before, it can be pretty horrifying.

I was in my basement at the time it struck.  With earthquakes being such a rarity in Pennsylvania, at least the kind you would actually be able to feel, I had surmised four different scenarios in my head before determining it was a quake.  My first inkling was just one of unease, like the feeling you get when someone is sneaking up behind you.  Then it moved from a feeling to an actual belief that someone or something was in the house, be it an intruder or something supernatural.  (LOL, now I know how it must feel to think you've been paid a visit by something from outer space.)  Once I realized that an invader was not possible, I jumped to the next scenario.  Everything from, had my deck collapsed to did a gas leak cause an explosion somewhere close by??! When the shake, rattle, and roll continued, I soon figured out it was an earthquake.  I watched my plasma TV rock back and forth on its pedestal, my barware cling, and my heavy sectional sofa bounce around like it was apart of the seating at the IMAX theater at Universal Studios.

I have lived in Pennsylvania my entire life and can only recall one other earthquake which was so mild, that most didn't know it had occurred until they read about it in the newspaper.  So it was pretty unnerving.  Especially following my discussion yesterday about the push we are feeling.  Even if you are not someone who believes we are headed on the path of destruction, I don't know how you could be alive today and not recognize the extreme changes in our weather and atmosphere.  I am absolutely baffled when I hear people dispute the legitimacy of theories like Global Warming.  I am stultified that anyone could believe that we could continue to deforest our land, erode our ozone layer, eliminate native plants, animals, and insets, pollute our airways, pollute our waterways, multiply are population at an alarming rate with no regard for the availability of necessary resources, and practically spit in the face of God and all his creations, and not suffer any consequences!!

All I can say is that today's events reinforced the notion that we are all being pushed toward something.  I am not typically one who runs around screaming "the sky is falling, the sky is falling!" but I definitely believe the Earth is trying to grab our attention.  I know this.  What a shame that so many people are too busy texting on their phones and blogging ;-) to also notice!

"Someday perhaps change will occur when times are ready for it instead of always when it is too late..." -Shirley MacLaine 

LA PUSH

So I guess my last post was a bit depressing, no?  Well I always speak the truth as I see it.  And part of that means letting people know where I am no matter how hard that may be to talk about or to hear.  I do think the world is in a terrible state.  I think many of us are feeling an enormous push.  Some think it is about 2012, others believe it is connected to the bible and end times, and others don't seem to know what the rest of us are talking about?!?  Why are some so affected, while others appear unaware that anything is even going on?  I have a bit of a theory about that- at least in regard to myself and those around me who may be experiencing similar emotions.

Everything happens for a reason.  Sometimes those reasons are unclear and we are left to wonder why turmoil seems to be lurking around every corner.  I believe this "push" is a wake-up call.  Not because you are living a bad life or are deserving of trauma, but because you may not be living life to the fullest. This is about the giant billboard of the heavens screaming out to us, "are you where you want to be?"   Are you doing the kind of work that is important to you?  Are you living in a place that makes you happy?  Are you fulfilling your dreams?  Are your priorities right?  Are you surrounding yourself with the right people?  Are you doing too much?  Too Little?  Do you wake up everyday loving the life you have, or wanting it to be over?!

This isn't about how much money you earn or whether or not you are considered successful by societal standards.  This isn't about living life in the fast lane or being the envy of all your friends.  This is about your definition of a happy life; you living out the hopes and dreams you had as a child, but more importantly the ones you have as an adult.

Is there some place you want to go that you haven't been?  Is there a hobby you dream of that you haven't yet begun?  Is there a career passion you've always wanted to try that you haven't pursued?  Is there a move, a goal, or a wish that you've been talking about nearly your entire life that you have yet to fulfill?  What are you waiting for?

I understand that life presents obstacles. There are financial roadblocks.  Time roadblocks.  But when you truly want something you find a way to make it happen, and when you don't, you only stand to suffer a lifetime of regret.  If there are things standing in the way of your dreams you need to do something about it now.  Then you need to realize and recognize that your potential for reaching this goal is only shrinking as time goes on.  A life of no met goals or dreams fulfilled, is only a life that will always feel exactly as it feels today. That "push" will eventually fade and with it will be the chance or opportunity to have made some changes.

I don't exactly know what is waiting around the next corner for me, but I am doing my best to stop and take notice of what God is trying to tell me.  To pay attention to the message on the giant billboard in front of me.  I am looking at the things that need to change in my world.  There's nothing I can do about regret, other than to have fewer regrets in the future.

Right now I stand nervously awaiting a decision that affects my present and my future.  I have done all that I can to influence things in what I hope is a positive way.  The rest is up to God.  Here's to hoping the push, enables a pull in the right direction for me.  Only time will tell.

“Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself and know that everything in life has a purpose.” -
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross   

THE WORLD IS ON FIRE

Exhale......deep breath.......exhale...Yes, it has been a very long time.  I don't believe in the history of this blog, I have ever gone this long without writing a post.  It has been a very difficult time for me.  This week has been difficult, this month, and this year.  If I were to be honest, the last three years have been difficult.  I don't know how the rest of you are feeling, but I feel like the world is on fire.  The political unrest, the crime, the economy, the job market, the financial market, the environment, the quality of our food, the quality of our jobs, the quality of the goods we buy, and the quality of our lives has all become so poor.  The American dream has been downsized.  For those of you following along in other countries, I know your dreams have been slowly eroded away also.

The world is on fire, and MY world is on fire.

#1 SELF ACTUALIZATION
As many of you already know I have been searching for work after having lost a job in a creative field.  For years prior, I had worked in every industry from civil service to corporate America doing mundane tasks and collecting my living mostly from a long stint in sales.  Having always felt the creative spark of wanting to do work more suited to my passions and creativity, I finally made the very difficult leap from working in a health club to working in photography. About a year after landing what I thought was the job of my dreams, I lost it. I have since struggled financially and have struggled to find comparable work. Not wanting to give up my dream and return back to the work I have grown to despise, I continue to search for the next open door. My self-actualization has been burned.


#2 ESTEEM 
Naturally when you can't make your life work it affects how you feel about yourself.  Not being able to fulfill dreams, not being able to control weight, not being able to find work, completely erodes away confidence and costs you the respect of others.  My self-esteem has been compromised.

#3 LOVE/BELONGING 
I have had a terrible time with family.  My parents have gone a long stretch without speaking to me.  They have a bad habit of withdrawing their love when trouble arises as they are spooked by the fear that they may have to help emotionally or financially.  Lacking the skills involved to nurture, they retreat at times when most parents reach out to their children.  Coming from such a small and volatile family, my love and sense of belonging has been threatened.


#4 SAFETY
I have watched a string of robberies and home invasions break out in the neighborhoods surrounding me.  No one is protecting us as most of the reports were taken over the phone, a patrol car not even sent out to do an investigation.  Law enforcement has done their best to squash news of the incidents leaving many residents unaware, unprepared, and unguarded for the attacks that continue to occur.  I have no means right now to beef up security. My safety feels threatened.

#5 PHYSIOLOGICAL
Naturally, when you are stressed your eating patterns, sleep patterns, sex habits, bathroom habits, all get disturbed.  My physiological world has been disturbed.

For those of you recognizing a pattern here, what I have just described is Maslow's Hierarchy Of Needs Theory.  When every sliver of that triangle has been disturbed for a period of say about three years now, you have a person who is both physically and emotionally on the edge!  In other words, MY WORLD IS ON FIRE!!!!

I hope I have a more positive outlook tomorrow.  Trust that I will have more positive things to share with you next time.  I just wanted to offer up some explanation on where I am right now and why my ability to post this past week has suffered.  Here's to hoping better days are ahead for all of us!!

“Fear less, hope more, eat less, chew more, whine less, breathe more, talk less, say more, hate less, love more, and good things will be yours.” -Swedish Proverb

"Food" for Thought

Here's a thought provoking article for the thin and the fluffy alike...

http://nutritiondiva.quickanddirtytips.com/eating-frequently.aspx

In my quest for liberation from my food consumption quirks, I came across this article and was tickled when our dear Jennifer sent the link to me to see about my take on it: eat every 3 hours? good, bad or other?

I think that it's a method that may work for some people if utilized effectively. I think that it would be most effective with people who overeat due to some nervous compulsion or as a pacifier to soothe emotional upsets. I have found this with myself actually, in the beginning of the diet that I am on. I have really been studying my responses to stressors, the foods that trigger a binge and why. Before I was eating to excess when I sat down to eat, subconsciously, that stretched, full feeling had become comfortable to me, that I had worked hard, that I DESERVED this moment of relaxation, the 'nourishment.' When I started taking away the volume, I felt panicky, like I was being deprived, although I was not technically hungry after a certain amount of food. I used the snack times as a tool, to fill in the gaps, to explore healthy snacks and start changing my mind-set, that smaller meals and less food in a sitting was not a bad thing. I used to start to train my stomach to smaller amounts and paying close attention to my hunger signals. Now after 8 weeks, I am able to start dropping the snack, if my stomach doesn't feel hungry, without feeling nervous. It has gotten me more used to looking at much smaller portions on my plate, and really thinking about what is going onto it.

I think that well balanced main meals should be the staple of your day, and properly planned with proteins to carbohydrates gives you the staying power to last through to the next meal. The chemistry of what you put on your plate is what will keep your blood sugars even over the course of the day. So 5-6 small meals I don't think are necessary. (I cannot speak for the population dealing with Diabetes except in the area that diet makes the difference for most in the quantity of medication that is needed.) I am insulin resistant, and food choices are everything because my body reacts so strongly to what I eat. "A moment on the lips is a lifetime on the hips" or gut, in my case.

For me the 3 small meals and 3 small snacks have been a tool to help me begin to combat the slightly obsessive-compulsive reasons why I am prone to over-indulge; its a little more complicated for me than that, but that is primarily the root. It may not be the same for everyone. I would be interested to see what others' take is on this and their experiences.

On another related note to the urges we have, with Nature vs Nurture: I think that the "nurture" is stronger than the nature. The body only needs a certain quantity of food based on its caloric output, but humans use food to satisfy basic needs that are not nutrition related. While its true that you find fat animals in nature, their fat is there for survival purposes only- for insulation, for endurance during long periods where food will be scarce, and so forth, but you never find an animal who has fat without purpose---unless they've been domesticated by humans.

"Food" for thought? I think so! Let's hear what you think!

TREE HUGGER

List of Woody Plants/Trees For Good Biological Support:


1.) Oak
2.) Willow
3.) Cherry, Plum
4.) Birch
5.) Poplar, Cottonwood
6.) Crabappple
7.) Blueberry/Cranberry
8.) Maple, Box Elder
9.) Elm
10.) Pine
11.) Hickory
12.) Hawthorn
13.) Alder
14.) Spruce
15.) Ash
16.) Basswood, Linden
17.) Filbert, Hazelnut
18.) Walnut, Butternut
19.) Beech
20.) Chestnut

Obviously I mean the native varieties.  We talked about the affect alien species has on trees such as this.  I never even got to how lumbering has killed off our hardwoods.  Go ahead and plant a tree!  You need one for your hammock anyway!  Do a double good and make it a tree from this list ;-)

"God has cared for these trees, saved them from drought, disease, avalanches, and a thousand tempests and floods. But he cannot save them from fools."  -John Muir 

THE RECONCILIATION ECOLOGY PLAN

I live in one of those neighborhoods that is peppered with streets named "Red Oak Lane," "Beech Street," and "Elm Avenue."  Years ago these streets were littered with rows of trees, but today they are lined with ornamental plantings that bare little resemblance to their namesake.  Though off topic, I wanted to share with you something near and dear to my heart.  Close friends and family would verify my status as a tree hugger.  In fact, the nickname bestowed upon me from my father-in-law is PETA.  I have a deep respect for wildlife and the environment, and have been known to make friends with creatures most individuals would consider a third stage, red alert, threat to their home-front. So why the difference in thinking?  Why do some embrace nature with open arms, while others make it their mission to rid the planet of all forms of original habitat?  Is it that we are born as individuals, some with an innate love of nature, and others with a fear?

I personally believe the answer lies in understanding nature and our planet, or in most cases, the lack of understanding.  If we would invest as much energy into learning about nature, as we do trying to control it, perhaps we wouldn't feel compelled to squash it as soon as it inconvenienced us.  But of course we would first need to ditch the idea that the Earth and all of its creatures were created to serve humans.  Because I believe most would do better, if they knew better, I wanted to share some information with you.

We have more than 300 million people living in this country and no mention of a need for population control or any national recognition of the limits of the land's ability to support that many people.  We have not left enough habitat for most species to avoid extinction.  It is interesting that our attention has been drawn to the the loss of tropical forests with no mention of the devastated forests here in the U.S.  Fifteen percent of the Amazonian basin has been logged, but seventy-five percent of forests on the United States eastern sea board are gone!  In my home state of Pennsylvania, less than one percent of the land is wild.  We have paved at least four million linear miles of public road.  Add parking lots, driveways, and other paved surfaces, and you have more than 43,480 square miles of blacktop.  Compound to this our love affair with lawns and less than three percent of the land remains undisturbed for plants and animals.  We have taken ninety-seven percent of the land in the forty-eight continuous states and modified it for our own use.

Why am I telling you these depressing facts?!?  Because if we don't do something now we will have lost ninety-five percent of the species that greeted the Pilgrims.  This is not speculation, this is fact.  Unless we modify the places where we live, work, and play to meet the needs of other species, we will be the only species remaining.  If you don't understand how the extinction of every other species ensures the extinction of us as a species, well, I won't waste anymore time trying to inform you.

There is something small and easy, not nearly as vast as you would expect, that we all can do to help the situation.  We can design our living spaces, our backyard, to accommodate the basic ecological needs of other species.  With the placing of my hammock, and the mission of landscaping my property in an eco-friendly way, I began researching plantings for my yard.  In the process I discovered an amazing book, one which is helping me quote the statistics above, and opened my mind even wider to the contribution I can make to bio-diversity with my simple quarter-acre.  The predictions of mass extinction are based off assumptions that man will continue to fight co-existence with other plants and animals.  Bringing Nature Home: How You Can Sustain Wildlife with Native Plants, Updated and Expanded by Douglas W. Tallamy, tells of an approach that may just save our planet.

We have excluded other species from our living space through thoughtlessness, not need.  This book speaks of ways we can reintegrate native plants, insects, and wildlife back into our yards.  We have come to expect perfection in our yards.  The plastic quality of artificial flowers and the pristine manicured lawn of a golf course is now the norm.  What it really is, is a garden so contrived that it is no longer a living community.  It is so unbalanced that any life form other than the desired is viewed as an enemy and quickly eliminated.  We have shopped the nursery looking for plants and trees marked pest free, that only grow so wide and so high, that promise quick growth, that do not produce messy pods, seeds, leaves, fruit, or any other sign that the tree is real and not artificial.  This is all so we can keep our yards, gardens, driveways, and gutters free of any mess.  I have neighbors who discuss this natural debris like it's toxic waste, meanwhile they don't think twice about whipping out a can, a bottle, or a drum of harmful pesticide and weed killer.

I hear them complain about the occasional insect outbreak appearing completely unaware that they most likely caused it!  You can not chop down native trees because they cause a nut or leaf to land in your yard, and replace them with a sea of Japanese ornamental trees and plants, and then be stupefied as to why you have so many stink bugs!?!?  You built them a home second only to Japan itself!

In a balanced community, no one member dominates another, at least not for long.  This is why not all of the leaves in native forests are eaten by insects. Todays gardener is so concerned about the health of their plantings that they run for the spray can at the first sight of an insect.  My husband just sprayed a bunch of bees at the insistence of a visitor who saw them looming around the front yard.  Moments later he thought, why did I just do that!?  They weren't bothering anyone.  Turns out, they were a strain of bees that rarely sting or attack anybody.  Gee, I can't imagine why our bees are going extinct if two self-proclaimed environmentalists were so quick to grab the Raid can! :-(

A sterile garden is one teetering on the brink of destruction.  It is completely dependent on the efforts of the gardener as all other checks and balances have been removed.  This is why you see a drought reek such havoc on our landscape.  All we have managed to do is create a high-impact enterprise, that requires more time and money than we have to spend.  We'd do better to employ nature for such purposes.  What if we invited more toads and bats into our yard to eat the insects we'd like to control?  When I mention this the neighbors look at me like I'm the crazy one.  Meanwhile they continue to use weed killer that is linked to birth defects!?

What's the difference between alien and native plantings?  The butterfly bush is a popular example.  It provides nectar for adult butterflies, but because it is an alien planting, not one species of butterfly in North America can use it to host larvae.  They can not reproduce on it.  To ensure survival we need to replace it with native host plants like Milkweed to ensure we will have butterflies in the future. This makes more sense than hoping butterflies will eventually adjust to the new nectar source.

We also feel the need to mow all areas of land, even roadsides.  We need to convince the civic association to stop mowing roadside that support Milkweed populations during the summer.  A single cutting in October is enough to maintain safe roadside visibility while protecting habitat and it would save the township money during this recession!  Did you know mowing for one hour produces as much pollution as driving 650 miles?  We burn 800 million gallons of gas each each year in our dirty lawnmower engines and spend 45 billion each year on lawn care.

Evolutionary biologists believe humans plant lawns without visual obstructions because we want to be able to see what danger may be lurking.  The desire to spot trouble early lingers in the human psyche.  Maybe if we understand this we could fix it, as the chances that one or two more oak trees in your yard will not enable a lion attack.  Converting lawn to trees or garden would have a three-fold affect: creating food and habitat for wildlife, absorbing carbon dioxide and reducing emissions, and saving us money.

Don't get me started on what we lose because we remove leaves that are free mulch, fertilizer, and weed control.  Some simple changes to your landscape habits could help us sustain wildlife and diversity for the rest of our years.  Be a rebel in your neighborhood like me, put up a bat house, and a corn feeding station for the chipmunks and squirrels.  Most importantly, educate yourself on the things living in and around your community.  I have heard such a fountain of misinformation spew from the mouths of those who share the homes close by.  Everything from, I am going to get rabies from a squirrel, to I am going to be killed by bats.  The facts, there has never been one recorded case of a human being contracting rabies from a squirrel in the history of the United States.  They simply are not carriers.  And as for the bats, they are far more interested in eating flying insects than me!  Some of the arguments people make against nature are just plain ignorant and ridiculous!  All while ignoring the fact that the most destructive species on the planet is man; the only species that destroys his own habitat!

Please consider the pleas I have made today.  Even if you are the only one on your block converting alien plants into native plants and inviting wildlife to seek refuse in the safety of your borders, the affect is cumulative and probably synergistic.  Check out the book I mentioned above.  It is a real eye opener and a great guide to planting eco-friendly dwellings.  Tomorrow I will share with you a list of the most helpful trees to the environment.

-PETA signing out!

"Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them."  ~Bill Vaughn

SURGICAL SOLUTIONS

For those of you who are considering surgical intervention for weight-loss, I would like to share a very helpful website that provides information on procedures.  WEIGHT-LOSS SURGERY HELP

If any of my readers has a success or failure story about one of these procedures, please share!  I'd love to hear comments on how it is going for you.

For anyone on the fence about surgery, I hope this website helps and I'd like to hear from you too!  Let me know how the decision process is going and what has led you to consider surgery.

BAD MEDICINE AND THE BARIATRIC BLUES

I'm sure many of you are wondering how my former partner in crime is doing. For those of you who were late joining this blog, it originally had two authors. The other Tilly in Tillies was my friend Tera; a married, thirty-year old, mother of two, who lives and works in Texas.

We were fed up with our weight and wanted a way to communicate, articulate, and share our struggles.  A blog seemed the perfect solution.  We could post photos, share our emotions of the day, exchange recipes, and monitor success and failure, all without having to commit to scheduled times for phone calls.  It seemed a simple scenario.  She could share one day, and me the next.  We might just develop an audience who could learn from, and identify with, at least one of the pair of us.  But when Tera's world caught fire, keeping up with the health and fitness mission, and the blog based off it, became too much.

I was hoping Tera would continue to mind her health.  Sadly, she continued to gain weight.  Having reached a pinnacle of frustration, she sought help from the medical community.  She was referred to a Bariatric surgeon who wasted no time selling her on surgery.  When she mentioned this in an email, I was flabbergasted.  How could a perfectly healthy, thirty year-old woman, who was much younger and weighed a lot less than me, be an ideal candidate for surgery?!?  Has the world gone mad??!

I wasted no time in forcing my overbearing opinion down her throat.  I had some questions about this diagnosis.  Did anyone recommend a diet and some exercise first??  How about a change in lifestyle??  Were the words: habit, behavior, therapy, or medication mentioned??  I was furious. Not at her, at the medical community!

I had a sour experience that fueled this reaction and my passion to take matters into my own hands.  Before starting the blog and being diagnosed with an insulin condition, I had sought the help of a bariatric specialist.  This seemed like a great idea after it was recommended by one of the TV doctor shows.  Go to someone who specializes in obesity so they can evaluate your health, check for causes, help you manage any existing conditions, and design for you a health and fitness plan to get you on track to a healthier weight.  Should your issues be extreme, they can also administer medication or perform surgery. Perfect!

But when I began to seek help, I was denied everything that preceded the word surgery on that list.  First I called my health insurance to see what visits and treatments would be covered.  Counseling, nutritional advice, medications, working with a dietitian or personal trainer- none of that was covered.  The only way I could get help with my diet was if I was diagnosed with a debilitating condition like Diabetes.  I told the insurance rep, "I don't want Diabetes, that's why I'm asking for help!"  They wouldn't pay for any preventative measures, but they would pay for bariatric surgery.  I would think a few meetings with a bariatric counsellor or a dietitian would cost less than a surgery.  It didn't matter.  They weren't interested in helping me.

I decided to skip insurance and go right to the source.  Turns out, no one seemed interested in helping me with any of these measures.  I was being sold on the benefits of surgery over the phone, and these doctors hadn't even met with me yet.  I could be capable of battling this without an invasive procedure, but I wasn't even presented that as an option.  Nor did anyone seem concerned about discussing the risks involved in surgery.  The attitude was, "people call us when they want to have their stomachs stapled, when that becomes you, feel free to call back!"  This wasn't going anything like what Dr.Oz said.

So I decided I was going to give Tera the medical advice I had hoped would be dispensed to me on one of those phone calls.  I said...


"Tera, you are a healthy, intelligent, young woman who is perfectly capable of losing weight through diet and exercise.  This problem does not require a surgeon or a hospital stay.  What it requires is some discipline and lifestyle changes.   I suggest you start exercising thirty minutes a day, packing your lunch, getting eight hours sleep, and finding a way to reduce your stress.  You may need to find a different job, hire a baby sitter, or get a divorce, but I suggest you start making the necessary life changes to bring your health back around.  If you don't, I guarantee this will be the first in a line of many surgeries you will need to correct your failing health.  When you don't address the underlying issues, new problems continue to surface!"


Tera brooded for a day or two, then emailed me to say, "I knew you'd give it to me straight!"

I am not against Bariatric surgery.  So save the hate mail.  What I am against, is it being dispensed as the first or second solution for anybody with a weight problem.  I remember when this surgery first hit the scene you had to be a certain size, and in a certain condition, to qualify for it.  Things had to be life threatening.  It didn't take long for that to change.  If you are one of those people at rope's end who is facing a life or death situation, HAVE THE SURGERY!!  CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!  DON'T WALK, RUN!!  But if you are someone who can still move around, exercise, make it to the gym...don't sell yourself short!  There is something to be said for taking responsibility for a situation, for behavior modification, for ownership, for making the necessary changes to ensure that all facets of your health are being cared for by you!

Bariatric surgery.  Yes, some have great results!  But others get infections, remain overweight, have bowel troubles, or continue to overeat and throw up because they never changed their behavior.  Why would you want to put yourself through that if you can do this without it!

I am happy to report that Tera has momentarily shelved the idea to have surgery.  She has decided instead to follow the diet they prescribe following surgery.  She has lost 20 pounds!  I am so proud of her!  I will support her no matter what she decides in the end.  Maybe it is me who is the fool to battle through this problem in a slow and difficult way.  But for now I carry on.  I hope others will do the same.

"Your only limits are self imposed."

SOME HEALTHIER SOLUTIONS

I know it has been awhile since I've given you some updates on my progress. I will be sure to get to that later this week.  I wanted to follow up my DEATH BY DOUGHNUTS post, because, what good is a problem without a solution?  While what I propose may not be as convenient as throwing a clear box of ready-made doughnuts in your cart, I promise the extra effort is worth it.

I am always on the hunt for natural products.  I routinely check the shelves of all grocery stores to see what I can dig up.  Finding natural-made products requires a bit of sleuthing on my part, because they are generally produced by small, independent companies.  Because these companies don't have the buying power than the big corporations do, their products are often placed with the lowest priority on grocery store shelves.  I could tell you stories about hunting down natural breakfast cereals that were conveniently placed way out of view of the popular Post and Kelloggs brands, as in, found in the baking isle, but that's a whole other blog post to look forward to in the future.  For now, I will simply say you need to keep your eyes, peeled!

I found this brownie mix, No Pudge, produced by Reily Foods out of New Orleans.  It contains the following ingredients: Pure cane sugar, unbleached wheat flour, dutch coca, dark coffee, egg whites, cornstarch, wheat gluten, salt, and baking soda. Hey!  I didn't lose my place typing that list!  Quite a big difference from the laundry list of additives in the grocery store baked doughnuts!  It calls for the addition of one container of plain or vanilla yogurt. 120 calories per serving.  Even if you increase that to a double serving- not bad!

I also found a product by Nestle, a lemon bread kit, with a bigger ingredient list.  I was still pleased to see that it was a long way off from what was appearing in the store-bought snack cakes.  At least it contains all-natural flavorings, no artificial colors, no hydrogenated oils or high-fructose corn syrup, and no preservatives. Not perfect, but a much healthier choice than the death doughnuts!  I was happy to see this one coming from a bigger company.  One serving has 230 calories.

I came across this soft pretzel baking kit from Auntie Anne's.  I was a bit puzzled when I read the ingredient list, because I could swear it is healthier than the nutrition facts I recall looking up on the pretzels served through their retail chain.  The kit comes with dough mix/yeast/baking soda and cinnamon sugar for making ten plain or cinnamon pretzels.  All you need is butter, which is optional.

The DR. OETKER organic baking products are a great choice for muffins, cakes, and other dessert mixes.  My box of Lemon Poppy Seed muffin mix contains only seven ingredients.  Big difference from fifty-three!

Most of these creations take ten minutes or less outside of baking time.  If you can't wait forty minutes to have a wholesome dessert, you probably don't really need one.  Still, for those who can't find the time or patience to bake we have one more alternative.

In the freezer section a very small selection of natural made desserts can usually be found.  The easiest among these is ice cream, with Haagen Daz being my favorite for taste.  They boast of five ingredients or less and their ice cream has a much creamier, less icier texture, than say Breyers.  A little pricier and a bit more fattening, but definitely good quality.  Remember less is more, so just help yourself to a smaller serving of a higher quality dessert.

My favorite pre-made frozen desserts are found at Target.  The Archer Farms brand has a dizzying array of natural foods from frozen creme brulee to trail mix.  BUT, be sure to read all labels before popping an item in your cart.  While I've been able to find a great selection of minimally processed goods from this brand, not all of their offerings are natural.  Pick and choose accordingly.

Of course the best alternative is still baking your own creation from scratch, but few of us have the time to devote to that these days.  I absolutely love homemade cooking and baking.  But on days when that is not an option, I've found the above products to be good alternatives.

“I really don't think I need buns of steel.  I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon.”  -Ellen DeGeneres

TOXIC INGREDIENTS

Article on food ingredients and chemicals

DEATH BY DOUGHNUTS

ENRICHED FLOUR, WHEAT FLOUR, MALTED BARLEY FLOUR, NIACIN, IRON, THIAMIN MONONITRATE, RIBOFLAVIN, FOLIC ACID, WATER, PALM OIL, MODIFIED PALM OIL, SUGAR, YEAST, DEXTROSE, SALT, DEFATTED SOYA FLOUR, SODIUM ACID PYROPHOSPHATE, SOYBEAN OIL, DRIED WHEY, SOYA SUTHIN, SODIUM BICARBONATE, MONO AND DIGLYCERIDES, SODIUM STEAROYL-2-LACTYLATE, CALCIUM PROPIONATE, DIACETYL TARTARIC ESTERS OF MONO AND DIGLYCERIDES, WHEAT STARCH, DRIED HONEY, DEPROTEINIZED WHEY, NONFAT DRY MILK, CALCIUM CASEINATE, AMYLASE. ASCORBIC ACID, I-CYSTEINE HYDROCHLORIDE, ANNATTO AND TURMERIC EXTRACT, AZODICARBONAMIDE, EGG, CALCIUM CARBONATE, AMMONIUM CHLORIDE, CALCIUM SULFATE, SUGAR, WATER, MODIFIED PALM CARBOSHORTENING, MALTODEXTRIN, CORN STARCH, CALCIUM FLAVINATE, AGAR, SALT, MONO AND DIGLYCERIDES, SORBITAN MONOSTEARATE, POTASSIUM SORBATE, ARTIFICIAL FLAVOR.

Wanna take a guess what this long list of ingredients represents?  It is the make-up of one glazed doughnut prepared by a grocery store bakery.   Fifty-three ingredients!   I didn't know that was even possible!  I lost my place three times typing this outrageous list!  Let me tell you something.  If you are buying and eating baked goods from your groccery store bakery, you are well preserved by now!  As in, better than a frog awaiting dissection in a seventh-grade science class!

It continues to get worse.  I am a bit of a food additive expert, and there are some new things on this list that even I don't recognize.  Grocery store bakeries are not your friend!  They are in business to turn out cheap goods laced with chemical fillers and preservatives that they can sell at a profit.  They do not care about your health.  They don't even care about taste, as I can tell you that this was the worse doughnut I've ever eaten!  They care only about convenience; a ready made product in a plastic container that you can quickly throw in your cart.  There are plenty of signs in the bakery area promoting "hot and fresh, " but not a single claim of "natural and delicious!"  Has anyone ever returned one of their baked goods due to lack of quality??  I was highly tempted to march this six-pack of doughnuts back to the bakery counter and sight, "horrible taste," as my reason for return with the synthetic list of ingredients as my proof!

The other popular bakeries that stock their snack cakes and muffins on supermarket shelves aren't much better.  Pick-up a box of Tastykakes, Entenmann's, Little Debbie's and see if anything in the list of ingredients would be found in your pantry.  If you want a dessert item you are best off to bake it yourself or buy from a reliable small business where gourmet still means flour, butter, and sugar.  What is found in these products goes way past just fat and calories.  These items contain things that will literally shorten your life.

I have and will continue to campaign for more natural foods, but other consumers must do their part by not buying these items.  I have said it before, and I will say it again.  Cheap food, means cheap ingredients.  You get what you pay for!  Everyone hates the cost of buying groceries these days, but I would sooner give a dollar more to a company producing products that have all-natural ingredients, than save myself the dollar but be giving my money to a giant corporation who is getting rich off of poisoning my family.  That dollar or two you think you are saving is going to have a bigger cost to you at some point later in your health.  If you don't think so, I want you to go back to the top of this post and re-read that list.  Than ask yourself if there is any way feeding this to your family could be healthy?

I am very passionate about this and hope that everyone will begin to spend as much time reading the labels on their food products, as they do the price-tags. I promise this is the last grocery store produced baked good you will find in my shopping cart, and not because I am on a diet.  It was a moment of weakness, but a great reminder of why I choose not to spend my dollars on tempting convenience items.  Tomorrow I will share with you an article that will put you on alert for some of the ingredients you should be cautious of, and some of the common tricks food producers use to disguise your awareness.

-We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.  ~Alfred E. Newman

THE BABY SLING!

Everyone should own a hammock.  This is my message for the day.  I am tempted to leave it at that...

but I guess I'll say a bit more.

There is no better way to relax than lying like a baby in a sling with a light breeze rushing just beneath you as you listen to the rustle of leaves above. Kick a leg over the side and you can give yourself a light push, swaying quietly in the shade.  With no distractions but birds chirping and a stare at the clouds rolling by in the sky, I can fall asleep in a matter of seconds.  It is the most peaceful moment in my day, especially if I add a cocktail and a good book.  I put it right up there with taking a bubble bath or walking the beach, as far as my top 5 girly moments goes.

The hammock is newly installed.  It was a clearance item at my local hardware store.  It came with the hanging hardware and a big pillow (not shown.)  There are better quality hammocks available if you're willing to search, but I took advantage of a deal.  I would venture to guess that most seasonal inventories are starting to go on sale now.  I just finished staining the pole to match our deck, and hope to plant a climbing vine at the base of it when the weather cools.  I was thinking some red Clematis Niobe, like the one pictured below, will brighten things up a bit!

The installation is really quite easy.  Find a nice shady spot with a tree that is large and strong.  Measure approximately thirteen to fifteen feet from base of tree.  Dig a hole about a foot deep, reserving half the dirt.  Place a 6x6 pressure-treated post in the ground.  Fill halfway with cement and let cure for 3 days.  Fill in hole with left over dirt and cover top with sod.  Drill a hole in the post and tree for the hooks, about six feet off the ground.  Twist hooks deep into wood.  Hang hammock.  Adjust chain so the hammock hangs low enough that you can easily climb in, but doesn't sag on the ground when you do.  Re-adjust until height is perfect and the hammock hangs straight and evenly from its chain.  You want to leave some chain slack, as the hammock will stretch over time and need to be raised up.  Stain post and add a cap to the top or a decorative birdhouse.  If you are lucky enough to have two trees spaced thirteen to fifteen feet apart, skip the post and start process with drilling the holes in each tree.  If you have no good trees, plant some!  Then purchase a hammock hanger for your hammock until they have grown into mature trees.

This is phase one on the list of many overdue landscape projects.  I will keep you apprised of my progress.  I hope everyone considers installing a backyard hammock.  The entire project cost me less than a $100 and took only a few hours across two days to complete.  It truly is worth the investment. Best thing about a hammock, most hold between four hundred and five hundred pounds and some are even designed to hold two people!  A special thanks to my husband and father-in-law for helping me with this project!

"I like to sit in my backyard. I go out on the hammock and sit in silence and kind of meditate. Nature is calming, and it's nice to go out there and clear my head." -Devon Werkheiser

RETRACTION

I would like to take a moment to right a wrong in my post entitled, Games, Games, Games!  While Weaver's in Fivepointville is often referred to as The Amish Wal-Mart, it is owned and operated by Mennonites.  It is where the Amish shop and it is located in the heart of Amish country, but is a Mennonite operated business.  I just wanted to make that clarification out of respect to both sects, and to those who both shop and live there.

-City Girl ;-)

GAMES, GAMES, GAMES!

You may recall me mentioning something about a trip to an Amish general store in my post, VITARRHEA. What I failed to mention is why...?? Living in southeastern Pennsylvania, I am a short drive to lots of places.  One of them is Amish country.  The Amish often get a bad rap from those who criticize everything from their belief system to their simple mode of travel (horse and buggy).  I, however, have come to respect and appreciate their simpler way of life.  The Amish are known for everything from their homemade baked goodies to their incredible woodworking skills.

East of Lancaster and southwest of Reading is a town called Fivepointville. There you will find what is often referred to as the Amish Wal-Mart, though I feel this cute, little bit of everything, store is deserving of a better comparison.  (Can you get hot, fresh, deep-fried, cinnamon-sugar doughnuts while browsing the isles of Wal-mart??)  Weaver's is best known for their huge selection of leather work boots, sporting goods, and hardware, but my family and I head there for the huge selection of board games and other classic toys.

Simple on the outside, but a lot of games on the inside!

I was blown away that a small family-run store would have such a wide selection of classic games to choose from.  Old Maid, Parcheesi, Rook, Canasta, Kismet, Mousetrap, Shoots and Ladders, Apples to Apples, Hi-Ho Cherry-O, Risk, Sorry, Life, not to mention new German classics like Settlers of Catan (including all the variations and extender kits) and Powergrid.  We especially love their hand-carved Croquet set, selection of wooden trains and blocks, and their model car sets.  On the rare occasion I stumble into a chain toy store or department store, I am often exhausted by the fact that all the classics (if you can even find them) have been converted into water-downed TV versions like Toy Story 3 Yahtzee and Hannah Montana Monopoly!  I guess that's fine if you are eight, but it doesn't work so well when you are THIRTY-eight!  LOL.

The games go on for the whole isle...

They even have the Amish card game "Dutch Blitz!"

At first I was perplexed as to why the Amish would have a more impressive selection of games than a game store??  But then it hit me, because that's what they do.  They don't play video games or go to the movies. They spend their time working outside and participating in social gatherings that can include games.  What good would it do to stock the board game version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire if your customer base doesn't watch TV!?  I'm guessing most of the Amish have never even heard of the show.

Living close to the Amish has taught me that sometimes we put too high a premium on television and other forms of technology.  Family time has become individual time with most children locked up in their rooms playing video games while the parents cling to their Blackberry.  When is the last time the entire family took a break together and went outside in the yard for a game of Twister?  I may sound old-fashioned in saying so, but I think we have abandoned some of the best things in life in order to waste time on complicated gadgets.

I recently saw a documentary on a group of Amish teens who went to stay with a group of London kids and experience city life.  Having never before ridden the subway, you expected the reactions from the Amish kids to be something along the lines of, "Wow, that was neat, fast, exciting, fun!"  Instead they couldn't get over that seventy-five percent of the riders were wearing earbuds listening to music, books, etc.  "How is it that you can be surrounded by so many people yet be so socially isolated from one another," one girl asked.  "We would never pass by one of our community members without saying hello?!"   I thought that was a really interesting observation.

When the economy gets tough we often need to revert back to simpler decisions.  Not every day can be a night at the U2 concert!  My family and I have elected to battle things out through a good game of Chess and Chinese Checkers.  Besides, it's a lot easier to find yourself stuffing food in your mouth when watching television than when playing Twister!

If you'd like to start a Family Game Night and need some supplies, may I recommend you visit Weaver's in Denver.  And unless you're dieting like me, don't forget the doughnuts!

Rather than end with a quote today, I thought I'd end my post with something that sums up my lessons from the Amish...Life Lessons From The Amish