JANUARY DISDAIN, SICK HUSBAND WHO COMPLAINS!

Today is the 31st.  Thank-ya Jesus!  I can't wait for this month to be over!  I have had enough of January!  I don't exactly know what is going to change when we enter February, but I got my arms wide open ready to embrace it.  Actually, historically, February produces more snowfall than January, but I don't know, there's just something cheerier about February!  It seems the sun shines more before and after the snowfall or something.  I have some things to look forward to this month including the Superbowl, a book writing seminar, Valentine's Day, comedy tickets, my husband's birthday, and the Oscars.  January had nada!  Well...that is not entirely true, today is a bit of a special occasion.  It's not my wedding anniversary, but rather the anniversary of our first date.  I think it is equally important because it commemorates either the day you met, or the day you started walking down the path to becoming a couple.  On this very day, seven years ago, we went on our first romantic date and began to fall in love!  I can still remember the butterflies in my stomach as I awaited my Prince Charming.

Flash forward to today and I want to kill him!  LOL.  Not literally, but almost.  I don't normally beat up on the mister, but he is driving me insane!  His sore throat has progressed to a cold and he is not taking it well!  He has moaned and complained every second.  I do feel sorry for him and of course I want him to feel better.  But what is it with men and being sick?!?  Why are they such babies!?!  He has not moved off the sofa in three days.  I had to tell him to take a shower twice.  He has gone through two and a half jumbo-sized boxes of tissues and half a roll of paper towels, in less than two days (dramatic).  He has also eaten a couple bags of throat lozenges and I don't know how many cups of tea.  I tried to warn him that all that sugar and caffeine is going to make his stomach upset.  Sure enough, stomach ache!

He has whined, complained, and cleared his throat to the point where I want to scream, "no wonder your throat hurts!"  "Shut-up already and stop with the throat clearing and maybe you will begin to heal!"  I think he has to let everyone know he is sick every second of the day, and believe me, there is no more dramatic a man than my husband.  I personally find his behavior more exhausting than the illness!  When I'm sick, I keep to myself.  In fact, I kinda just want to be left alone.  My philosophy is pretty much, "it will pass."  I don't enjoy being sick but I ride it out, and actually, it may be the only time I get to sit down and take it easy for awhile!

So why am I telling you this since it is off topic?  Because he has not stopped stuffing his face since this all started.  I have a few questions for you.  While it may seem like I am just picking on him, and to my mother-in-law who may be reading this forgive me, but how does a person with a sore throat eat a jumbo size bag of pita chips?!  Ouch!  I mean why not just swallow broken glass!  It reminded me of the time my father had his wisdom teeth pulled and came home after surgery and had a T-bone steak for dinner?!?!  My husband has made more trips to the refrigerator than I've made casseroles of macaroni and cheese.   He has eaten ham sandwiches, chicken soup, pop-tarts, bagels, cake, filled peppers, chicken, Popsicles, peanuts, cheese, soda, strawberries, Nutter Butters, cous cous salad, olives, and that's just the food I've witnessed.  Who knows what happened while I was out!  Then he actually looked me in the eye when I made that "are you kidding me look" as he grabbed on to more food and said, "eating stuff actually makes my throat feel better."  Yeah, and a sunburn feels good to people who just escaped a burning fire!  What's the saying, "Feed a cold, feed a fever?!"  LOL.

I nearly screamed, "do you not get that I am trying to diet!"  So this month has certainly come with some challenges.  I really hope in telling you this that I am not stirring up the God of karma to repay me with my husband's illness.  I'm hoping tomorrow's entry does not begin with, "Oh God, am I sick!"  I'm hoping maybe tonight we can have a brighter moment to celebrate our seven year dating anniversary.  Perhaps we will toast with some Nyquil! ;-)  Till next time...

"Sickness comes on horseback but departs on foot." -Dutch Proverb

CHUBBY CHASERS

Let me preface by saying, this could only happen to me!  Not knowing whether we are getting two feet of snow or just a dusting, I decide to head to the grocery store at 7 a.m. before the mad rush of apocalyptic food shoppers grabbing their snow emergency bread and milk show up.  I decide on that massive, discount, mega, super-store, better known as "Wally World," for some staples.  I roll out of bed, throw on some clothes, and think to myself, "it's Walmart, isn't it better to shower once you've returned home?!"  So I must confess that I'm not looking much better than the folks who show up on the "Walmartians" emails that turn up in my inbox.  My butt crack isn't showing and I don't have my cleavage tucked into my pants, but it still isn't pretty.

So as I race down the frozen food isle I see the all to familiar road block of workers re-stocking the freezer case with giant sleighs of food.  Great, I've escaped the soccer moms with their gaggle of kids, but now I've come during "restocking" hour.  Deciding there is no way I can clear the DiGiorno pizza guy and his menagerie of pizzas, I turn my cart to head back the way I've come.

DIGIORNO PIZZA GUY:  "I don't mind moving this stuff for a gorgeous woman such as yourself!!"

ME:  "blha ha ahah hahaha hahha aha!"

DIGIORNO PIZZA GUY: "You act like you don't hear that often enough!"

ME: (sarcastically) "Well I'm not sure how 'gorgeous' I'm looking this morning!"

DIGIORNO PIZZA GUY: "Gurl, you're too hard on yourself, you need to come spend a little time with the DiGiorno pizza guys!"

ME: (now turning beet red & trying to back peddle out of this isle and conversation) "well thank-you, you're very kind."

DIGIORNO PIZZA GUY:  "No, I'm being serious, you single, come out and mingle!"

It's one of those surreal moments where you say to yourself, "am I really getting hit on at seven o'clock in the morning in the frozen food isle of Wal-mart!?!"  The scary part is that he didn't seem creepy or weird.  He definitely was running some game, but he didn't seem weird.  He actually seemed kinda nice.  Come to think of it, he was quite a bit younger than me.  I  guess I'm looking less like a meth addict these days...LOL.

Somehow I couldn't shake this experience as quickly as I would have in my younger days when guys hit on me left and right and I often didn't even pause to acknowledge it.  As I was reviewing the incident in my mind on the drive home (another indicator that's its been far too long since somebody tried to pick me up) I realized that I had a similar experience a few weeks prior in a different supermarket.

I was in my car pulling up to that bold white line near the front door where people enter and exit the store with their grocery carts.  I stopped to let some gentleman, also younger, cross in front of me.  He flashed me this big smile as he pulled together his best swagger as he walked to his car.  I could feel his eyes on me as I pulled into a parking space and I practically ran into the store fearing he might still be watching.  Moments later, out of the corner of my eye, I see the exact same guy walking the supermarket looking down each isle as he passed it as if he was searching for someone.  Now why would someone who just paid for their groceries and walked to their car suddenly be back in the supermarket.  I suppose it's possible he forgot something but my female instinct said that wasn't the case.  He was looking for me.  YIPES!  I had hid in the cereal isle praying he wouldn't find me!  Where's one of those giant skids of frozen foods to hide behind now?!

What is with the chubby chasers lately?!  Did they all hold a meeting?  What would the meeting minutes reveal?  "Hey, you wanna know a good place to meet fat chicks...try the supermarket!" uhhhhh.....what can I say.  This is my life.

So speaking of lives, I'm feeling marginally better.  I'm off my bender and making slow progress back to healthfulness.  I'm still a bit blue and CAN NOT believe it is snowing AGAIN!  I have more than exceeded my quota of snow shoveling this week.  I'm running out of places to put the snow, especially near the end of the driveway where a wall a of snow stands that is nearly my height.  Having to heave snow above that perimeter is causing me some mild discomfort today.  I left out this grunt when I leaned over to pick up the basket of wash.  Generally, I LOVE snow and don't mind shoveling, but today I must confess that I am whispering in my mind, "please don't lay, please don't lay."  Making matters ever more dreary is my sick husband who is moping around the house complaining of a sore throat.  He is making that awful throat-clearing sound that makes you wince every time you hear it, and forces you to consider the very real possibility that you too may be making the exact same sound next week if you don't protect yourself well enough.  So not much in the way of excitement for us this weekend.

"When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment.  When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute! -Author unknown

OLD HABITS DIE HARD

I've been off on a bender for the last three days.  Ya know, like an alcoholic or drug addict would do, but with food.  What precipitated this downward spiral you may ask...??  Basically, I worked my but off last week.  I Went to the gym five times.  I shoveled snow three times.  I ran on the treadmill.  I did the Elliptical machine.  I lifted weights.  I did abdominal exercises.  AND I ate salmon soup for half the week.  No alcohol and no sweets and even in the face of my mother-in-law's lasagna, I was a good girl.  So I fully expected not only a weight loss this week, but a pretty impressive one.  I was so certain of this that I weighed myself a day early (Monday) preparing to make a great announcement on "Weigh-in Tuesday."  When I stepped on the scale and saw that I lost not one single pound, I flipped out!  I went berserk!  Now being a bit of an English buff, I always like to check and see if I've used the right adjective.

Ber * serk: adj 1. Destructively or frenetically violent 2. Mentally or emotionally upset; deranged 3. Informal  Unrestrained as with enthusiasm or appetite; wild: berserk over chocolates.

n. one that is violent, upset, or unrestrained. A berserker.

Yep!  Correct usage!  Dead on, in fact!  I can confidentially say I went berserk!  I know I have established a bit of a pattern- lose one week and then generally no weight loss the next.  I have been perfectly content with that until the weight losses started going from four and five pounds at a time to now just one and two pounds at a time.  Seeming too early to plateau, I believed that if I kept my nose to the grindstone I would have another weight loss this week, and a potentially good one that would make up for last week's so-so weight loss.   When that didn't happen, I saw red- as in red velvet cake, red saucy lasagna, and red-skinned potatoes.

I broke my own rule.  (see "BREAKING THE ALL OR NOTHING HABIT")  I didn't get what I wanted and like a big baby I threw a tantrum.  I basically said, "F*ck it."  "You don't want to let go of the pounds when eating soup and running, how's about some sofa riding and bagels then!"  I said "f*ck it" to my body!  Now as you can imagine this really hasn't gotten me anywhere.  In fact, it's put me at a two pound deficit, as I've gained back the pound I lost plus one more.

So why do we do it??  Especially, when had I just hung in there (like I preach in the post, "BREAKING THE ALL OR NOTHING HABIT") it is likely I would have dropped some more pounds.  If not by Tuesday, then Wednesday, or Friday, or whatever.  So why..........?!  Because old habits die hard!  Sometimes even when we know what to do, we still do the wrong thing!  I am disappointed at both the outcome and my response to it.  I'm sure you are disappointed as well.  But this is real life!  This isn't "The Biggest Loser," where you get swept away to a ranch to train 24-hours a day with celebrity personal trainers.  This isn't fat camp or rehab where you are isolated from your normal routine and receive professional help.  And I'm certainly not a celebrity where I have a live-in chef and full-time trainer.

This is just me taking what I've learned and my life experiences and applying them in a rudimentary fashion; every day trying my best to change a bad habit or apply a new behavior, psychoanalyzing myself and my collection of issues the entire time.  I'd love to see the pounds melting off, ten at a time, every week, but that isn't reality.  Well, it isn't my reality.  I am just a regular girl fighting an insulin problem right now.  And in case you forgot, let me remind you and myself at the same time, that means my body is converting every calorie to fat despite what I do or do not eat.  This week the insulin problem is kicking my ass!

Just because I am airing my dirty laundry does not mean I am without failure.  Putting out there all these details about my experience does not mean it will work.  I could fail at this!  I just have to believe that could fail, is not will fail.  Tomorrow is a new day.  I will find my power again and push forward.  Maybe all this is just bad gym karma from all my unkind words this week...LOL.  I did feel the pressure of doing the blog this week, especially when I did not have any good news to share for "Weigh-in Tuesday."  I needed to take a few days off.  But next time I go missing for more than two days and it's not a weekend or holiday- come looking for me!!  It just may mean that I've gone berserk! ;-)      

"Perfection is impossible.  However, striving for perfection is not.  Do the best you can under the conditions that exist.  This is what counts." -John Wooden

SWEAT BATH

Something else that makes me crazy at the gym, and I believe this to be a 'big-girl' only problem, is what I call the "skinny-bitch syndrome."  I am performing some cardio on a treadmill or Elliptical machine and some young, skinny, blonde, playboy-looking, bunny enters the cardio area, pans the room of a million empty machines, and decides that she wants to use the machine aside of me.  It's not because my location is near the fan or in line with the best TV, and it's not because she hopes to some day be my friend.  Trust me, it is because she thinks she can show me up.  She believes that I will shrink in her presence, and that somehow her decreased size and youthfulness will enable her to outdo me on the treadmill.  Ha ha ha ha ha...silly rabbit, tricks are for kids!

I get no greater pleasure in life than seeing this plan of attack fail!  YOU WILL NOT BEAT ME!  I will climb, run, increase the incline, pump up the resistance, increase the speed, take a heart-attack- whatever I have to do to beat you.  I guarantee one thing, you will drop before me!  I may be big, but honey I can move!  Your punishment for this lapse in judgment???  A SWEAT BATH!  When I'm through, you most likely will not chose the machine aside of me again!  I have gone toe-to-toe with many and it is always the other person who climbs off the machine in shame.

I'm not sure why I'm like this, if it comes from years of skinny girls always dominating the scene or if it hails from my disappointment in women in general, but clearly I have an axe to grind.  I can recall so many situations growing up where it would have been nice for one of the smaller girls to come to my rescue.  Standing there in the club having some low-life dude make comparisons of your size to that of your skinny best-friend, having to field insults, or just plainly being ignored- how nice it might have been for one of those thin girls getting all the attention to have taken up for me.  But somehow the sexist remarks and degrading attention always became a compliment to the thin girl, rather than the outrage to women in general that it should have been.  "Oh this must mean I'm thin and gorgeous because I am getting hit on more than my friend"  Pfftt!!

I will always defend the under dog!  That's just me.  No matter how thin, beautiful, smart, or popular I grow to be, you will never catch me basking in the sunshine of a compliment who's shadow falls on the less fortunate person aside of me.  I will always be grateful for compliments, but I will also always lift up the person who is going unnoticed.  Maybe for no other reason than I so would have liked someone to have done that for me.  I've never been ugly, but I certainly remember what it feels like to not be the prettiest girl in the room.

If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's how quickly you can find yourself on the other side.  You can be thin and gorgeous your whole life and wake up one day to find that you are now fat.  You can be beautiful and through some tragic occurrence end up disfigured in a way that changes your whole life.  I am grateful for whatever beauty and health it is that I have, and I wish that young women would have more of an understanding about this as well.  I hope to reach all of my goals and if and when I do, I will never forget what it feels like to be that overweight girl in a crowd of attractive, thin, girls.

I have considered that not every thin, beautiful, girl who gets on the treadmill aside of me is looking for a duel, and yes, much of this could just be in my head.  But I equivocate it to that instinct a black person sometimes has about the person standing across from him being racist even though he or she has not yet spoken a word.  I have developed a sixth-sense after years of being overweight in social situations.  I laugh because my husband has witnessed these showdowns at the gym and he has joked about secretly paying sexy women to get on the exercise equipment aside of me so I will work harder...LOL.

I'm proud of how hard I work at the gym.  It's a wonderful feeling when someone who is clearly in better shape than me approaches to say, "wow, I'm impressed- you inspire me."  This makes up for all the years of ridicule and lost self-worth to those who were thinner or more beautiful.  I hope this message inspires you to either be kinder to yourself or kinder to those around you.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” -Eleanor Roosevelt

MOVE ***** GET OUT MY WAY!

Some background music to accompany my angry blog today...LOL.  Ludacris Video

If you think I'm a nice person, you're about to think differently after reading this :-)~  I'm exercising my freedom of speech on this one.  I just returned home from the gym and I am fired up!  Do you know what time it is??  It is, "whoop somebody's ass at the gym" time!  LOL.  OMG!  I HATE January at the gym!!  There is no worse time to belong to a gym then January.  The huge NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION crowd is taking up every single piece of equipment no matter what time of day it is!  Suddenly 2 p.m. is 5 p.m. as you pan the room and realize that you're not going to get even half your workout done today.  Who are these people?!?  They are the fools that join a gym every January and quit by March!  They are not the slightest bit serious about fitness and they make working out ten times harder for the rest of us who are.  If I could put a number on it, I would say 89.999% of these people are wasting their time!  You know my position on this.   If you were serious about changing your life and getting in to shape, it wouldn't take the strike of midnight on New Year's Eve for you to do so!

And these people always need help.  Just as I'm settling in to the zone I got Betty Newbie asking me how to get the TV sound to work on her bike.  "You have to peddle, Betty!"  Help one and suddenly it's like zombies coming after you.  Don't get me wrong, I generally love to help people, but I got schooled real quick in just how useless an endeavor this is.  I have a friend who is big-time in to his workout and has been doing it for years.  For awhile we belonged to the same gym and he used to complain every January.  He used to say, "I think I'm just gonna stay home this month."  It's like waiting out a tornado.  I used to defend these folks and say, "everyone has a right to workout and the gym is not just for fit people!"  He used to reply, "but they are not serious...by this same time next month they will all be gone, meanwhile I've been coming here for years and now have to wait an extra ten minutes for every exercise machine!"  I used to think he was mean because he would make people with questions go get the staff for help.  I can't tell you how fully I appreciate his comments now.  Just as you get in to the zone you have to stop and show Cathy Clueless how to use a treadmill, and God knows you'll never see this woman at the gym again.  Sean, this blog is for you!

But it isn't just the newbies that drive me crazy.  There's a whole list of bad gym behavior that needs to be examined here.  I  have always lived my life in such a way where I don't worry what others are doing and instead keep focus on what I need to do, but some people make it impossible to keep any focus at all.  Not only are they wasting their time, they are wasting my time!  Who are they??  Well in keeping with my series on fitness pet-peeves, I'm about to tell you!  The following is a list of characters that should be banned from the gym!  Their behavior should be highlighted in the rules packet handed out by membership.  Does your gym crowd include any of these people?

SMOKEY "THE TOO CLOSE NEIGHBOR"
This is the person that despite there being seven other treadmills available, HAS to choose the one that is right aside of you.  As a bonus this person smells like they just climbed out of a campfire.  Now look, we all have our vices and this is not an attack on smokers.  I have never been addicted to cigarettes but I'm sure like everything else I could be.  What I'm saying is if you plan on being a smoker and running on a treadmill (a contradiction right there) could you please, please, make the decision not to chain smoke in your car all the way to the gym.  Also, could you please not congregate right in front of the doors smoking as I am here to try and clear my lungs out!  I'm not doing cardio so that I can suck in second hand smoke that burns my nostrils.  I also get tired of the relentless coughing and throat clearing that seems to be magnified ten times when you got Smokey next door to you.  I don't hop on the treadmill next to you smelling like a cheesesteak, and I don't block the front entrance while eating cheese fries.  I get smoking is your vice, now manage it!

THE "FRONT ROW" PARKER
Who is Parker?  He is the person that will circle the gym parking lot for an hour looking for a front row space.  If you do this you seem to have missed the point.  You are HERE to workout?!?!?  I don't even need to elaborate.

THE BUSYBODY
This is the person that is more interested in what you are doing, than what they are dong.  They've come to the gym to do one thing only.  People watch!  They will walk real slow on the treadmill aside of you and watch your numbers...hmmm she's running at 6.0...look at that, she's burned 400 calories.  If you've ever gone to the gym you know what I'm talking about!!  You can feel their stare!!  And some people are less than covert about it.  This group of individuals will exhibit absolutely no focus on the workout that they are doing, and their inability to focus makes you lose focus!  Their eyes pan the room constantly, they watch the front door like President Obama may walk in any second, they look at your stats more than their own, and they seem to be completely oblivious to any type of form in the exercise they are performing.

THE BOOK CLUB
This is the group of women or girls who rolled out of bed one day and decided, "let's all join a gym together!"  They enter in groups of two, three, or four and seek out the piece of equipment requiring the least amount of exertion.  They can usually be spotted peddling at a negative-2 on the bicycles.  Their main concern is not getting a good workout, but finding enough empty machines in a row so that they can sit idle, side-by-side, and hold a very loud and uninteresting conversation.  GET OUT OF MY GYM!!

THE CELL PHONE TALKERS
This hardly needs explanation as I think it can be applied to every single public situation there is in life, but for today we'll focus on this gym format.  I don't want to hear you on the phone.  I don't want to ever hear you on the phone anywhere, but especially not the gym!!  I don't care if the police are calling to inform you that your car is on fire in the parking lot.  Then step outside to take the call!  I have strapped on headphones for good reason.  Because I want to hear music, not about your friend who was so drunk Saturday that she cheated on her boyfriend.  NOBODY CARES!!  I can't believe I'm violating my own cell phone policy by saying this but....TEXT!!!!!!  If ever I've seen a situation that calls for using the keyboard- this is it!  A simple "I'm @ the gym- call u later!" will suffice!

I ONLY WORK MY UPPER BODY
How about the guys who show up to only work their arms and shoulders??  They look like "The Rock" on top and "Urkel" on the bottom.  If you chased them down the street they'd probably collapse after three minutes because they NEVER do cardio!  Nope, just arms.  These guys are every bit as bad as the women who won't use weights.  Especially when they think super-toned arms is gong to somehow camouflage the spare tire they have.

To all these people I have only one thing to say, "Move b*tch, get out the way, get out the way b*tch, get out the way!"

Everything I'm saying may seem incredibly cruel, but this is what years of gym going has taught me.  Exercise requires a great deal of concentration and focus.  It is a mental game.  You must talk yourself through every mile and if you are using weights you must focus on form.  Anything less and you are wasting your time and maybe even inviting an injury.  The gym for me is a very autonomous activity.  I go there to be alone with my thoughts and join my body to my mind in the healthiest of ways.  While it is nice to have a workout buddy, going to the gym with friends usually equals more talking than doing.  I won't even take my husband most days because then you become the starer who watches what he's doing the entire time instead of remaining focused on yourself.

I hope my gym returns back to normal soon, but in the meantime I will continue to vent to you, my audience.  Tune in next time for part-two of my continuing series on fitness pet-peeves and the aggravations of the gym.

“Motivation is a fire from within. If someone else tries to light that fire under you, chances are it will burn very briefly.” -Stephen R. Covey 

SANTA'S BELT

While my weight loss may have been a disappointment this week, there are some areas of improvement that haven't been discussed- namely, my measurements.  I noticed that my pants, especially my jeans, were fitting much looser.  Now if you know anything about plus-sized clothing, you know that there is a good deal of stretch built into almost everything!  Headbands, socks, underwear, bracelets, buttons, hats, earrings...LOL.  This is great a safety feature when you are blooming and one that probably keeps you in your clothes a bit longer before having to bump up to that next size.  But it is disastrous if you are losing weight because loose quickly turns to, "I can't keep my pants up!"

Anyone who has ever lost and gained weight before knows that as exciting as it is to drop a dress size, you're not always in the biggest hurry to throw out your clothes and buy new ones.  History has taught you that it is likely that you'll be needing those pants again some time soon.  If you have a lot to lose and are losing weight quickly, well that's gonna be a lot of clothes buying if you plan on replacing your wardrobe every time you drop a size.  I at one point had clothes in my closet that ranged from a size 4 up to a size 24, in fact, I still do.

True story.  When my husband and I were transitioning in-between apartments before having purchased our house, I actually collapsed the closet in the new place where we were staying.  Imagine being at work and you come home to find that that your clothes rack has given way and your entire wardrobe is laying helpless on the floor.  Now I'm sure the folks we were staying with most likely thought I was just a typical girl with a clothes addiction, who needs twelve pairs of the exact same black pants in her closet.  While I LOVE fashion and can be a clothes whore, my closet didn't collapse because I needed twelve different pairs of black pants.  It collapsed because I needed black pants in twelve different sizes so I could keep up with my weight losses and gains.

Destined to solve my droopy drawers syndrome, I headed to the store to look for a belt.  Yes, a belt will certainly solve all my issues.  I was pretty proud of the fact that I had lost two inches in my waist in a relatively small period of time, and so I was feeling pretty good walking to the accessories department at my local store.  My first inclination was, "where do I even shop for a belt?"  Do I need to seek out the plus-size department, do they have "larger" belts in the accessory area, the men's department, maternity???  I wasn't looking for anything special and I was hoping I wouldn't need to make a special trip to the fat girl store just to buy a belt.

As I pan the rack of belts in the accessory department I am relived to see sizes that go all the way up to 3X.  I had already played out a nightmare scenario in my head of me shopping for a belt in the men's department and a store employee approaching me to say, "um, mam those are MEN'S belts, your area is over there," and me having to respond, "oh I know that, I'm just too fat to fit those."

So feeling confident from my two-inch loss in my waist, I grab the 1X to start.  No success.  I move to the 2X.  Hmmmmm....searching, searching, ah yes, I'll take the 3X please!  Except, I'm sucking it in to the point where my eyes are bulging out and still can barely make it to the first belt hole.  You've got to be kidding me!!  Holy frig, I freakin' need SANTA'S BELT!!!  I end up purchasing a 3X belt complete with the stretchy buckle that has a slight expansion when you pull it to the right.  And let me tell ya, if I as much as sneeze, this thing is flying open!  Did I mention it is almost the ugliest belt I've ever seen??

These are the choices you have when you are severely overweight.  Consider it a lesson learned and let's just say I won't be celebrating a loss of inches in my waist any time soon.  At least not until I can fit a prettier belt.  Clearly, I have my work cut out for me!

“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.” -Theodore Roosevelt

WIP

Yesterday was "Weigh-in Tuesday" and it was a disappointing result.  I have lost one more pound, which is certainly not anything to jump up and down about.  It's not a bad thing, but it certainly isn't what I was striving for after a two week vacation over the holidays.  Truth be told, I probably would not have even lost the pound, except last minute I put in to play my "Winter Contingency Plan."

The "Post-Holiday Blues" has really affected my motivation, but I DO believe the worst is behind me.  I took a walk outside yesterday despite the icy conditions, shoveled snow, and set up a card table in my basement where I began putting a puzzle together (don't laugh- puzzles have come a long way with digital photography and they have super cool ones now that glow in the dark, are 3-dimensional, and can even be interactive with your computer.)  I also hooked up a humidifier in my bedroom.  I put some comedy DVD's in my Netflix cue, and I purchased tickets to see Lisa Lampenelli.  I haven't figured out a project yet, but I put together another one of my infamous lists of things I think need tackling in the next few months.  I'll keep you apprised of how my contingency plan is working out, but in the meantime, be patient, I am a WORK-IN-PROGRESS!  The way I see it...

Shoveling + outdoor walk = sunlight exposure
Puzzle = activity to keep idle hands out of potato chip bag
Comedy DVD's + a night out at the Lampenelli show = a lifted mood
Humidifier = less snake skin

These things should help.  I have faith in my weight-loss approach, I simply allowed the January depression to slow down my efforts.  Here's to hoping for a better week!

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal, it is the courage to continue that counts." -Winston Churchill

POST-HOLIDAY BLUES

I don't know about y'all, but I am having a bit of a struggle this month.  I have been tired, lethargic, and unmotivated.  This happens to me every January, yet I always think it will pass on its own without me having to do anything special.  Wrong!  It's a side-effect of living in the Northeast, and I lovingly refer to this phenomenon as the Post-Holiday Blues.  It's that sense of hopelessness that occurs when you realize the holidays are over and...now what!?  It is at least another four months before things warm up, but it's not just about the weather because, truth be told, I love the season changes and actually don't mind the cold.  It is a combination of everything!  You have that mad rush of Halloween into Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years, then nothing for months, unless you get excited over Easter??  Plus it's cold, the lack of sunshine and Vitamin D, the Daylight Savings crap where you feel like it is dark 24/7.  You're broke because you spent all your money at Christmastime.  Your car looks like crap from all the snow and salt.  Your skin and nasal passages are so dry from your indoor heating that you feel about 100 years old, and by this time, it is likely you've picked up some sort of cold, flu, or other winter-related ailment.  So how do you stay motivated when these are the conditions??  This is a question I'm asking myself right now?  The following is what I have in mind. 

WINTER CONTINGENCY PLAN

Have a plan:
First and most important is to HAVE a plan!  I think you need a plan or at least I do.  You have to devise a bit of a schedule for yourself during the winter months, because you can't rely on the pure adrenaline of the time of year and mild weather like during the summer, to motivate you to want to go out and do things.

Start early:
You have to do things as early in the day as possible.  You don't have the luxury of coming home from work and taking an hour to first get settled.  If you need daylight for your activity, you need to either get out there and do it right away, or learn to contend with the dark.  Regardless of the hours you keep, you must definitely be more mindful of the position of the sun in the sky during these long winter months.

Pick a project:
Pick something to do and stick with it.  If it's something outside where daylight is needed, commit to doing a little each day until it gets done.  If it's an indoor project, work on it until its completion.  Don't take big breaks and pauses from it.  Set a deadline and adhere to your time-line.

Get into the light:
I'm not advocating tanning booths, but I do feel different when I have access to a light source.  If you can't soak up some natural sunlight each day, at least ten minutes or so, try using an alternative light source.  There are tons of light therapy products that mimic natural sunlight.

Up your Vitamin D
Research suggests that at least 40% of the US population is Vitamin D deficient.  Deficiencies have been linked to everything from depression, osteoporosis, and cancer, to Diabetes and Obesity.  Ask your doctor for a 25-hydroxyvitamin D test, or 25(OH)D, then start the necessary therapy should you be deficient. 

Exercise
Keep with your exercise routine.  If it's too cold to exercise outdoors, go to the gym.  If things are getting boring at the gym, bundle up and head outside!  Keep some exercise equipment handy for at home.  If it snows or you get trapped indoors, do an old exercise video or some stair climbing in your home, but whatever you do, keep moving!

Lift your mood:
I find listening to upbeat music really helps me.  My stereo is always on when I'm at home, and I keep my I-pod Nano on me if I am working outside or moving around from room to room a lot.  Listening to comedy also really helps.  If you have I-tunes radio they have some great comedy stations that play live and  pre-recorded comedy bits 24-hours a day.  Better yet, support your local talent and go out and see a live comedy show- a great wintertime activity, or rent a comedy DVD.  The laughs will make you feel better!

Keep neat and orderly:
Nothing says "I give up" like a dirty home or a heap of laundry piled sky high.  Spring cleaning is great, but there is something to be said for winter cleaning as well.  Throw open your windows and let a little fresh air in.  Keep with your cleaning routine and your laundry and for God sakes, take the Christmas decorations down!!  Staring at that stuff weeks later only adds to your misery.  Finally, if your car looks white instead of whatever color it is supposed to be- head to the car wash!  Yes, it will most likely snow a minute after you do, but it will make you feel better I promise.  It's good for your car too!

Don't let TV (or food) be your #1 activity:
If you're stuck inside there are lots of activities you can take advantage of.  Try putting a puzzle together, working on crosswords, or playing some cards or board games with your kids or spouse.  Read.  Write.  Use some foreign language software or other educational software.  Keep your mind active and you are less likely to become a depressed couch potato.

Get physical:
Never underestimate what a healthy sex life can do for you!  The winter is a great time to snuggle up to a partner, and hey, it burns a few calories too! ;-)
 
"Depression is the inability to construct a future." - Rollo May

GOIN' IT ALONE!

It has been a week since I put out the call for help (The "Calling All Cars" post.) The consensus is that I should continue this blog on my own.  It wasn't even a close call.  100% of the feedback I received said, "lose the partner!"  So it looks like Two-Ton Tillies is now officially just a Two-Ton Tilly :-(  That's cool.  I can deal with that.  I mean, I HAVE been dealing with it.  I just wanted to be sure that I am giving readers what they want.  So going forward it will be just me writing the entries.  Take note that I have changed the opening description to reflect this.  Hope everyone is pleased!  Thanks to everyone who provided feedback.

"Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person." -Mother Teresa

THE JUICEMAN COMETH!

Let me tell you about my dear old dad.  He's sorta unique.  He doesn't really remind me of anyone else's father and he certainly does not fit the image of the sometimes popular beer drinking, TV watching, couch-potato, American-dad icons like Al Bundy and Homer Simpson.  In fact, he's a man who walks to the beat of a different drum.  LOL.  He always reminded me more of the "juiceman," albeit a better-looking version.  When other men his age were enjoying an icy cold beer in front of a football game, my dad was off juicing things with my mother screaming in the background, "stop using all the produce, it's expensive damn it!" 

Growing up, I have many memories of his crazy behaviors.  You see, unlike me, he has NEVER had a weight problem, nor has he ever been sensitive to anyone who does.  My dad has always been a ridiculously active man.  He would jog in our neighborhood and spend the last half mile or so running backwards so he could build up the back of his legs.  Imagine sitting on the school bus as a child and seeing your dad run backwards past your bus stop?!  The other kids used to turn to me and say, "Jennifer, isn't that your dad out there?"  I'd reply, "unfortunately, yes."  "What is he doing?!" "Running."  "Well why is he doing it backwards?!?"  You have to realize, back in the day, jogging wasn't nearly as prevalent as it is today, and running backwards I think still remains a bit uncommon...LOL.

My father never belonged to a gym, never attended an exercise class, and has never been on a diet.  But he has for as long as I can remember always been in phenomenal shape.  He used to always say to me, "you got to work it in to your lifestyle!"  Meaning, exercise is something you should seek throughout the day and be welcoming of every opportunity.  When I see school-aged children out of breath after climbing one flight of stairs, I realize just how right he is.  I remember he would disappear on his way to get the mail.  Ten minutes later you would find him doing push-ups off the deck steps on his way back from the mailbox.  Considering we had a next-door neighbor who used to ride his lawn tractor to the mailbox- that's quite a difference in dads.  Dad almost always ate standing up, he never paid a serviceman to do a job he thought he could do, and come hell or high water he'd sooner die than demonstrate any kind of weakness.

My dad will turn seventy this May.  He still runs four miles a day, though last I had checked he had abandoned the running backwards deal.  He rides his bicycle to work every day and still sucks down a hell of a lot of produce.  Last year he performed his own tree trimming service, pulling himself up a fifty-foot tree with a chainsaw strapped to his back.  I guess you would say he's taught me a lot about how to remain fit in this world.  I never fight for a front-row parking space, I always take the stairs, and like good ole' dad, I believe if you want something done right, you best do it yourself!

I spent an hour shoveling snow Wednesday.  Yes it'd be nice to have a snow blower, I feel the same about having a lawn tractor, but you know there is nothing wrong with getting out there and doing some manual exercise!  It has been two days and my forearms still ache from heaving snow over my shoulder.  People deteriorate because they stop doing.  Why do I think my dad is still able to do the things he does at 70??  Because he never stopped dong them!  Modern convenience is not always the answer and going to the gym isn't always enough.  Working additional exercise in to your day can somethings be the difference between staying healthy and strong, versus prematurely aging.  I'm pretty sure we'll lose my father in some unconventional way.  Every time he gets on the roof or climbs a tree, I remind my mother that it is a good idea to up the life insurance.  Still, he continues to live a very healthy and active lifestyle doing lots of things at his age that many can't do at half that age.  He takes no medications, and to date, suffers no ailments.

I know despite my present condition, I still have a lot of my dad in me.  Did I mention I've been thinking about buying one of those juice contraptions??  LOL.  If you want some insight into how I see my father, watch the video below.  It's ironic how my dad, like the juicemean, is also intensely religious.  Juiceman Video  If you want an even bigger laugh, watch Jim Carrey's re-enactments. The video takes some time to load but is well worth it!! Jim Carrey Video

"Get the led out!" -my dad

HUSBAND TURNED HARBOR SEAL

 As promised I made the salmon soup.  I was so pleased with how it turned out.  The recipe was simple to prepare and the result was spot-on.  I love to cook.  What fat person doesn't, right?  I enjoy trying new recipes and I often make things that can be sort of involved, so it's always nice when I'm able to present something that feels gourmet, yet doesn't take all night to prepare.  The soup had a nice milky broth and the fish was fresh tasting.  The stock was a bit strong, but I feel like the leeks and onion rounded out the flavor and helped balance the fishiness.

I'm not the biggest fan of "fish soups," actually, I'm not the biggest fan of fish, but I do enjoy it when it is prepared to my liking.  Recognizing that like all Americans I probably don't eat enough fish, I've made a conscious decision to replace some of my meat and poultry dishes with fish, and to also replace some dishes with a vegetarian meal.  My goal is to try and eat at least one fish meal per week, preferably two, and to eat at least one vegetarian meal.  I'm not only looking to reduce my reliance on red meat and carbs, but I'm also trying to vary my diet to where I get exposed to a wide variety of nutrients and don't just end up eating chicken every night as my protein.  It is challenging but not impossible.  I think it teaches you to embrace other styles of cooking and makes you a better cook, as you don't get caught up in making the same type of dishes over and over again.

Now my husband's reaction to the soup wasn't quite what I was hoping for.  I dished up a nice big bowl for him with a side of crusty French bread.  I was stuck cleaning up the kitchen so I told him to go ahead and start without me.  He grabbed his chow and snuck off downstairs.  Moments later, nothing.  I patiently waited for the all too familiar yell up the steps, "babe, this is good!"  But it never came!  Horror of horrors, is it possible he could not like the soup I've made?!?  He is pretty open-minded when it comes to my meal plans and I'm proud to say that he is forever saying, "babe, I don't even worry about what's for dinner, cause everything you make is good."  Would tonight be any different??  I headed downstairs to do some follow-up.  I found some sniffing going on, a bit of lip licking, some sifting.  It was more like a forensics investigation than a meal eating.

ME:  "You don't like it?"

HUSBAND: "It's fishy?"

ME: "That's because it is fish."

HUSBAND: "Well I know that but..."

ME: "It's okay if you don't like it, I won't be mad!"

HUSBAND: "I like the salmon, I think I just don't like it in soup."

ME: "Well that's sorta the whole point."

HUSBAND: "Well look, I'm not a harbor seal...you can't just feed me a pail of mackerel!"

I retreated back to the kitchen.  Time to sample it for myself.  Now he has me convinced I won't like it.  I take a taste.  "Hmmm...pretty good," I think.  I have some more.  This isn't fishy at all.  I'm now checking the pot, performing some forensics of my own.  I head back downstairs.

ME: "Look, I'm not saying you're wrong, but is it possible this is different and we haven't really had anything like this before and with you smelling a kitchen full of fish, it might have put you off a bit?"

HUSBAND: "It's fishy."

I got the following email from him today...

"Babe, I will try your soup again..." :-)

I don't have to tell you how the story ends.  Here comes the best part.  I reheat the soup tonight for dinner, half expecting a can of Progresso will also need to be opened for him.  I preface with, "it is not necessary for you to do this, I'm not mad or offended, and I don't expect you to force something down that you don't like."

HUSBAND: "yeah, I don't know, it taste different for some reason, it's not as fishy today...??"


ME: "Sigh........."

"Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography." -Robert Byrne

SALMON SOUP

I bet you're wondering what I plan on doing with all that delicious seafood I bought at Wegmans this weekend...?  Here's tonight's dinner...!

Salmon chowder 

• 2 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 1 leek, white and pale-green parts only, halved lengthwise, thinly sliced, and rinsed well
• 1 red onion, quartered and thinly sliced
• Coarse salt and freshly ground white pepper
• 3 small Yukon Gold potatoes, peeled and cut into 3/4-inch cubes
• 2 carrots, halved lengthwise and thinly sliced
• 6 cups store-bought low-sodium fish stock
• 12 ounces skinless salmon, cut into 3/4-inch cubes
• 1/2 cup heavy cream
• 1 tablespoon chopped fresh dill

Directions

1. Heat butter in a medium stockpot over medium-low heat. Cook leek and red onion until soft, 6 to 8 minutes. Season with 1 teaspoon salt. Stir in potatoes and carrots. Add stock and bring to a boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer until potatoes are almost tender, 6 to 8 minutes.
2. Add salmon and simmer until opaque, about 3 minutes. Stir in cream to heat through. Stir in dill, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and 1/4 teaspoon white pepper. Chowder can be refrigerated for up to 2 days. Reheat before serving. 

Recipe courtesy of the Martha Stewart Show, November 2010.

"The greatest wealth is health." -Virgil

WILD ABOUT WEGMANS

I had another stupendous shopping experience at Wegmans this weekend.  Motivated by the new year and the promise of a new me, it was time to throw out all those holiday leftovers and head to the Disney World of supermarkets to load up on some healthy food!  For those of you who know me personally, I understand how tired you must be of hearing me talk about this store.  But greatness deserves repeating since so few things in life actually measure up to my expectations!  As usual, when I entered the store it was light out...

and when I exited it was dark out.  God knows you could easily spend half a day there or more, there is so much to take in.

Like always, I was on a mission.  So I headed straight to the fresh fish market and was overwhelmed by all the choices.  Cod, Snapper, Grouper, Flounder, Mahi-mahi, Rainbow Trout, Bronzini, Monkfish, Salmon, Bass, Halibut, Pollock, Tuna, Swordfish, Orange roughy- the list goes on and on.  It's not just that they have an outstanding selection of fresh fish, but more the variety of ways they have prepped it for cooking.  One of my favorites is the Pesto Salmon.  A close second is the Panko-Macadamia Nut Encrusted Tilapia.  Though you really can't go wrong with any of the selections.  Whether it's Cedar-plank Salmon or fresh Sushi they have it all!  They also provide perfectly paired sauces like lemon-butter or Thai-sesame to go with your fish.

It is clear that I have not been getting enough fish in my diet.  I do not dislike fish as much as I dislike BAD fish.  Living in a land-locked state greatly reduces your exposure to fresh caught fish.  Most of the "fresh" fish around here, if you'll pardon the pun, looks a little "green around the gills" and the frozen fish offers almost no variety beyond Haddock or Tilapia.  Since discovering Wegmans I have increased my fresh fish consumption by about 200%.

Wegmans is also my organic food headquarters!  What an incredible selection of international and organic foods they have.  I laugh because other supermarkets THINK they have a great organic/international foods section.  You know, it is about two isles long, if that, and has almost no true international products or variety, plus outrageously hefty price tags.  Wegmans is a HUGE store and every square foot is taken up by some worthwhile product.  The store I frequent has a fresh seafood market, a prepared foods market that will tempt you to never cook from scratch again, a sushi bar compete with sushi chefs slicing and dicing on the spot, a pizza shop that has so many people coming in and out of it that it needs its own entrance, a hoagie shop, one of the finest bakery and dessert bars known to man, a restaurant and bar where, yes, there is a wait to dine of sometimes two hours or more on the weekend, a beer market with so many micro-brews my husband gets lost for hours, a bulk candy store where you can hand pick your own assortment of colors of M&M's, a cheese and olive store that makes you feel like you're in the Mediterranean, wine kiosk, a vitamin/natural health and medicine area, a buffet, cafe, and a lounge area complete with TV and fireplace.

Now I know other stores have some of these amenities as well, but they stink!  Wegmans is on top of their game!  There was a wait list just to get a pizza last Saturday that's how good it is.  I have to storm the bakery the minute I arrive to ensure there isn't a complete sell-out on my favorite items and that's despite the bakery team cranking it out while I'm there.  The bathrooms impress me!  They have seat sanitizer spray in the stalls and actual bottles of their store-brand hand soap for you to sample.

Here is what really sets them apart.  KNOWLEDGE.  My favorite game to play is, "Stump the Wegmans Worker."  I haven't been able to win that game yet!  I asked for Kaffir leaves once.  Not only did I have no idea what they were, but had never seen them before either.  Within seconds I was led to them.  And no, you don't have to hunt down a certain person from the right department, it seems everybody knows they're stuff!  My husband was looking for Chimay cheese, a Belgian beer producer who also has a small selection of imported cheeses.  They had both the beer and the cheese.  I asked for Surchoix Appenzeller cheese- within seconds it was in my hands.  I have actually started dreaming up items to request just to see if they carry it!

Anything you ask for that is not already there is put on order immediately.  They have the attitude, "if one person asked for it there's bound to be more so let's just go ahead and order it."  For instance, we buy our bottled Mexican Coca-cola there (because it is made with natural cane sugar and not HFCS.)  I said to an employee, I so appreciate that you even stock this item, but it would be nice if we could get a case and not have to buy individual bottles.  Next visit, guess what, they had cases.

I have shopped at Giant, Weis, Walmart, Redners, Shoprite, Pathmark, Acme, King's, Safeway, Stop and Shop, Weaver's, Boyer's, Shurfine, Super Fresh, Genuardi's, even the Piggly Wiggly.  While stores like Whole Foods may be the most comparable to Wegmans, let me tell you, it is a store absent of all personality.  They simply do not hold a candle to Wegmans.  I travel nearly an hour both ways to shop there, as we do not have a Wegmans in my town, and I always feel it is worth it.  They have even offered up free bags of ice to keep my groceries cool on the long drive home.

If you are on a health program finding good quality fish and poultry, whole foods and vegetables, and organic, minimally-processed foods is a must to serve your dietary needs.  Every time I shop Wegmans it is a pleasure.  My questions are met with answers, I always learn something new, I have NEVER EVER waited more than one person deep to get checked out, nor have I been asked to use a self checkout.  It is the only grocery store my husband happily accompanies me too.  What more could you want!?!  Wegmans is only available here on the East coast.  For more information about this store or a location near you, please click on the links below.  Happy shopping!

Wegman's Wikipedia

Wegman's Website

"Anyone who believes the competitive spirit in America is dead has never been in a supermarket when the cashier opens another checkout line." -Ann Landers

THE POLLS ARE STILL OPEN!

I'm sitting here just before bedtime reading some of the comments and emails received from this audience.  I'm really touched by the genuineness of what has been expressed.  So far no one has told me to hang up my writing shoes- no "don't quit your day job" comments thus far at least!  LOL.  In fact, you have all been super supportive.  I hesitate to mention this because I don't want to leak information, nor do I want to influence those who haven't cast a vote yet, but it seems the majority of you are okay with me continuing this blog on my own.  It sounds like a few of you may even prefer it.  The reason I struggle to keep that under my hat is because I am dying to say, THANK YOU!  Thank you for tuning in, thank you for taking an interest in my battle, and thank you for caring enough to get involved.  It is quite a compliment that you think I am capable of carrying this on my own and it is especially rewarding to hear that the content I provide is interesting and entertaining enough to not require a second voice.

I have not made any final decisions.  I still feel like I need to do some soul searching on the matter.  I also would like to speak to Tera again before making a decision.  After all, this is her journey too.  This blog is a democracy!  THE POLLS ARE STILL OPEN so if you disagree and would like to see this blog remain a duo; I really need to hear form you!  I feel like there are still some opinions out there that haven't been heard, so please cast your vote by commenting or sending me an email.  The deadline is this Friday.  I will announce my decision after everyone has had sufficient time to share their thoughts.

"Democracy is the only system that persists in asking the powers that be whether they are the powers that ought to be." -Sydney J. Harris

CALLING ALL CARS...

I spoke to Tera this week and I'm happy to report that she is doing well.  She has suspended all diet and exercise since having quit the blog:-(  She had some minor surgery over the holiday and appears to be making a full recovery.  We discussed the possibility of her returning to the blog, but I must admit I have some reservations.  One, I'm not overly confident that she will return.  Her current circumstances remain pretty much the same.  Two, if she does return, I'm not certain that she won't drop out again. 

I was hoping you the readers could help me figure this out.  Do you think Tera, if capable, should come back?  If Tera is unwilling to come back, do you think I should audition a new partner?  Should I take on a new buddy, and if so, what do you feel should be the criteria for filling the role?  Does this person need to be a certain age, demographic, certain amount overweight et cetera?  Finally, is everyone okay with me continuing this blog on my own?  Do you feel having only one contributor makes it any less appealing or interesting?  If I can not, or should not find a replacement, how do you feel about this blog continuing with only my perspective?  What do you think about having guest contributors?

I do not have all the answers.  I need to think about the future structure of this blog as I am not one who enjoys inconsistency.  Should it remain just me, then I need to revise the opening description.  A second contributor would mean more entries!  But I'm also leary about taking on a new partner, simply because I don't want to see this blog become a revolving door.  I felt the shift of disappointment and received the angry comments when Tera dropped out.  This has become a deeply personal and important endeavor to me and I do not wish to see anything disturb the integrity.  Nor do I wish to be tied to anyone who should take it less serious than I.

It certainly gets lonely being in this project alone and I greatly miss the camaraderie I had with Tera.  At the same time, I feel like it's my fight now!  Should I continue with it as I have been?  Or do I need to take steps to reinstate its original structure?  I feel the audience is the most qualified to answer these questions.  Please let me know how you feel.  I thank you in advance for your feedback.

-Jennifer

TIME TO KICK IT IN TO HIGH GEAR!

The holidays are over and its time to kick it in to high gear.  I did really well over Christmas vacation, having not gained one pound, but also having not lost one pound.  When you have as much weight to lose as I do, you really can't afford to slack off for too long.  I admit I'm still sorta stuck in that lazy, post-holiday slump, where you're readjusting back to being in the real world, trying to get back to a normal sleep schedule, and find yourself somehow still eating holiday leftovers.  On top of that my house needs to be un-decorated and it still looks like a tornado came through having not put it back together since I had guests.  But enough!  The slump stops here!  I'm shooting for a good weight loss this week, and I have yet to reveal everything I have up my sleeve for the new year.

First, I have to share with you some of the splendid holiday gifts I received.  Thanks to a recommendation form one of our readers, my husband bought me the Paleo Diet book.  I pride myself on being thorough so he also purchased me, "The Blueprint Diet," which is sorta the original book on that style of eating, and the companion cookbook so I may try out some of the recommended meals.  As I mentioned before, I do not believe in following any one diet, but I do believe in the research that goes into devising them.  I will read both books and get back to you.  I plan on comparing and contrasting the finer points of both plans and adding this knowledge to my stockpile.  This more primitive way of eating comes highly recommend for those suffering with insulin problems.

I also received some home exercise equipment for Christmas.  My husband purchased me the beloved "Body Bar!"  Oh I've missed you Body Bar!  I used to use this weighted bar to do Pilates-style sit-ups at my old gym.  When I switched to my current gym I was mortified to discover, no Body Bars :-(  Body Bar Classic

Additionally, my husband received some exercise equipment for Christmas that I suppose I can make use of as well.  How would you like to pull into the garage every night and see this guy staring back at you...

It is a punching man, like a punching bag, that he can practice boxing and mixed martial arts on.  Scarier still is the "Enter the Kettlebell: Strength Secret of the Soviet Supermen" DVD he got, along with the very scary 35 pound kettlebell weight that I envision flying through the drywall!  After reviewing this video I think it should be renamed, "Enter the Injury: Pulled Muscle Groups and Other Supportive Structure Damage."  The guys at my old gym always used kettle bells for training, but they also held belts in weight lifting!  Not me man, I'll be kickin' it old school with my Tae-bo and my Body Bar!  Till next time...

Hubby's pick:  "Any workout which does not involve a certain minimum of danger or responsibility does not improve the body - it just wears it out."  -Norman Mailer

BUILDING A CIRCLE OF TRUST

I'm going to use this concept from the ever popular movie, "Meet The Parents," but I mean it in a slightly different context.  Borrowing the tagline, "first comes love, then comes the interrogation," really suits my situation.  I haven't been the most forthcoming about my diet and exercise plans, nor have I mentioned to many people that I am doing a blog about it- and with good reason!  It is amazing to me that I need to think so strategically about something that should be a no-brainer.  But I do, especially since people seem to ask a million questions (interrogation) in an effort to debunk all the positives.  Slowly I've been revealing my efforts to lose weight because, well let's face it, losing weight is the one thing you really can't disguise.  But the reaction has been interesting to say the least.

This journey has gotten me to thinking about the people in my life.  Who really cares about me and supports my efforts, versus those who really don't care, are secretly waiting for me to fail, or are embarrassed at what I am doing.  When I tell people about trying to lose weight and how I am documenting the journey online, I get a bag of mixed emotions.  Instantly I think to myself, "I didn't say I was planning to knock over a bank, I said I'm trying to lose weight and am keeping a blog about it."  It makes me wonder why an already thin person would be so threatened that a large person should want to join them in good health?  I guess I can understand that feeling coming from a larger person.  Revealing this news has been like a litmus test, checking people for their acidity.  If this is how people react and you haven't even achieved the goal yet, you can imagine how wonderful they'll be once you do.

I was talking to someone about my blog and how happy it makes me, and how I love to help others.  I touched on how I'd love to write a book some day.  The response, "what would you call it...The Yo-Yo Diet?!"  Ouch!  Sometimes if you're lucky you'll get the very false, "great...good luck with that!"  Where you can almost hear them saying aloud, "you're gonna fail at this..."  In that moment you want to say, "what's it to you!?"  But then it instantly becomes apparent how you doing something well, is a reflection on how poorly they're doing at something.  I have one friend who practically sends me a letter of encouragement daily.  (She is definitely in the circle of trust)  In fact, when my partner dropped out, I think I called her up and said, "could you do me a favor, could you hurry up and gain one hundred pounds so I may have you as my new blog buddy?!"  LOL.

People respond to things in very strange ways and I don't always understand the motivation.  I just know that I've gotten very smart in my old years about deciphering who I can trust and who's really behind me, and who has selfish motives and an insincere heart.  Surprisingly, sometimes the people you think you can depend on are the ones to present the biggest bias against what you are trying to do.  Or you have the snoots that are thinking, "how tacky!"  Here's the beauty of what I'm doing...I don't give a sh*t what you think!  I'm doing what I got to do to get healthy and I can continue to pretend like it's a minor problem or I can actually man up, acknowledge it, and do something about it.  Sometimes I swear I reside on the set of "Real Housewives of Berks County."

Maybe your mother is more support than your father, or your mother-in-law is more supportive than your mother.  I don't care who it is, or what the relationship, but you best figure out early in the game who's in and who's out!  This philosophy can be applied to almost anything in life, dieting, your career, having children, running a race, starting a new hobby, pursuing a new interest, striving for a certain recognition.  I don't care where you are in life or what you are trying to achieve, there is always gonna be a team of haters.  Figure out your circle of trust today!  And don't feel guilty if you need to exclude certain people from things in order to guarantee your success.  In the end, YOU have to do YOU!  And hey, if people get pissed off at you for it, then maybe this is an opportunity to talk about it.  I can only imagine how celebrities feel.  You got an entire group of people standing around waiting for you to fail, but reach the top and that same group is calling you for money, friendship, and favors.  On the contrary, did you ever notice there are some people out there that despite how little they have, they are still just happy for you.

I used to think that I had to stay friends with everyone and if it was family I had to be extra concerned with what they thought of me.  Now I know better.  The old adage, "you can't please everyone" couldn't be more true, and usually the person you end up disappointing is you.  I know who's in my circle of trust.  Hopefully, I can include you, the followers, too :-)  Take a moment to identify who is a supporter in your life, and acknowledge them.  Equally important, take a moment to identify who is a saboteur, and make the necessary life adjustments to combat them.

"To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved." -George MacDonald

A VISION WORTH HAVING

Today is January second.  It is a new year and with it comes a new vision.  I finished my vision board over the holiday.  Well, I did not finish it one hundred percent, but almost.  I still need to fill in a few gaps with some additional images as I find them, but the outline and plan is definitely in motion.  My vision grew so big that I ended up using both sides of the board.  Here's how I broke it down.

At the center of my board is the center of my life.  My husband.  He is the glue that holds everything together in my world and not for one single minute of any day do I ever take that for granted.  I have a pink triangle framing the words "consummate love," a theory developed by psychologist Robert Sternberg.  Consummate Love is the most complete form of love containing three main components: intimacy, passion, and commitment.  Intimacy recognizes the warmth, closeness, and sharing in a relationship.  Passion refers to the intense feelings, both good and bad, experienced in love, including sexual desire.  Commitment is the intent to maintain a relationship in spite of difficulties that may arise.  Sternberg's synopsis of love is compelling and this Triangular Theory of Love is what we strive for every day in our relationship.

In the upper right corner of my board you will see clippings of Venice, Greece, Australia, and other destinations.  Some places are new, others are spots I'm hoping to return to.  Travel is deeply important to me and I get crazy with excitement every time I go some place new.  Traveling opens my eyes to a whole other world- one different from the everyday things I've become accustomed to.  I come home inspired by a new understanding of culture, people, and the landscape.  It literally rejuvenates my soul and opens up the bounds of my creativity.  I thought to include a small spot of camping stickers as my husband and I have never gone camping together.  Being outdoors somewhere picturesque can be just as good for the soul as a fancy vacation.  I would like to do this sometime soon.

The lower left corner contains phrases and pictures surrounding my passion for photography, writing, and creative expression.  I hope to manifest some new skills, equipment, and opportunities that may allow me to expand on my passions, and help me develop my ability to express them.  Directly above this I have placed the ideas of money, success, and career.  I hope to bridge the gap between the things that I enjoy doing and a means to make a living.  My most heartfelt wish would be to have a career that allows me to do what I love, and share it with the world in a way that helps to lift others up.

The upper left corner contains details about my home and my passion for decorating.  Home is where the heart is and my home is the foundation for my relationship, my life, and my world.  I hope for continued strength, success, and stability in my home.

Finally, the reverse side of the board is dedicated, of course, to health and fitness.  I put images of strength, power, and perseverance as reminders that will hopefully help me find my way back to good health.  One activity I miss dearly is running.  I hope this imagery helps me envision a future where I am capable of running like I used to.  Directly aside of this I placed images of fashion and style and pictures of favorite dressers like Katie Holmes, who has this great European sense of style that I so admire.  I placed a great big image of her in the center along with some pics of Sarah Jessica Parker who also has great fashion sense.  This is one thing I miss deeply- being fashionable.  I used to be quite a gal of style, always amazing those around me with my ability to keep with the latest trends.  I really enjoyed this, but it gets increasingly more difficult to do as you gain weight.  Eventually you find that you have given up!  I am still aware of the trends, but each shed pound puts me closer to embracing them again.

This is my vision for 2011.  I hope having put some of my ideas before you inspires you to imagine a year filled with blessings.

"Keep your dreams alive.  Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication.  Remember all things are possible for those who believe." -Gail Devers

THE LOBSTER'S REVENGE!

I'm sure you can tell by yesterday's photos that our lobster dinner was a success!  It was my first time ordering live lobsters through the Internet, and also my first time cooking a live lobster.  I had reservations about both, but the experience was surprisingly easy and the lobster was delicious!  For those of you who do not know me personally, I must explain that l am an animal lover to the extreme.  I have always felt a deep connection to animals, especially wildlife, which I spent a number of years helping as an "unofficial" wildlife rehabilitator.  So the thought of receiving two live animals and then dropping them in a pot of boiling water was not an easy endeavor for me.  But, one must learn to challenge thyself.  I was pretty sure the experience was gonna make or break me.

The lobsters arrived in a large cardboard box.  I think this was the worse part- just knowing that there was something alive in there sorta creeped me out.  As I stared at the box sitting on my kitchen counter, on guard waiting to notice the slightest little movement, the box did not move.  Then I began to think, "what if they're dead!?"  I was pretty sure this whole experience was gonna turn me vegetarian.  My husband sliced open the box and sure enough, they were alive and well.  A little subdued, but alive.  Once having faced them, the experience got a whole lot easier.  I did not want any undue suffering.  "We have to cook them right away," I said.  The instructions said you could store them in your refrigerator's crisper drawer, but I couldn't bare the thought.  For those of you whom have never done this before, I will tell you, it goes fast!  Within seconds of hitting the boiling water the lobsters turn red, and contrary to popular belief, they do not scream!  Lobsters do not have vocal chords and the sound that is sometimes associated with cooking them is a release of air coming from their stomachs as they steam.  Scientists believe that lobsters are so primitive, being absent of a central nervous system, that they do not feel any pain.  I'm not sure whether I believe that, as I feel all creatures have a life force, but I certainly was clinging to science's beliefs as we were dropping them in the water.

My husband had to do the dirty.  Being an ex-hunter, I knew he was the man for the job.  Still, it was no easy task for him either, as I say EX-hunter for good reason.  He too has an undying devotion to animals now.  As we were about to drop them in the pot, we borrowed a line from the movie, "AVATAR."  "I see you brother," was the lobster's last know words as we dunked them in their sea of fate.  Moments later we were chowing down on some of the most deliciously sweet and tasty lobster I had ever had.  Melted butter, biscuits, chowder, a salad and baked potato completed the meal.  We had an extraordinary white wine called "Big Claw," which we toted home with us on our last visit to Maine.  Finally, for dessert we had chocolate wine cake.  Manifique!  My belly was full!  More than full!  In fact, here's where it gets interesting.  As my hubby and I descended downstairs to watch the ball drop I said, "I think I ate too much!"  Within moments my stomach started gurgling.  While I hoped I was mistaken, deep down I knew what was in store for me on this cold New Year's Eve.  THE LOBSTER WOULD HAVE HIS REVENGE!!!  LOL!  (Chrissy, this one's for you!)

I will say that the next few hours were rather interesting.  I spent many of them in and out of the bathroom.  See there's one small problem when you restrict your calories for an extended period of time and then all of a sudden gorge on a really rich meal- it doesn't always agree with you!  I immediately thought about the cast of Survivor and how they get sick after they feast on a food reward.  Dieting IS real-life survivor folks!  My husband and I began to laugh as we thought about the very real possibility that I may be indisposed at the time of the New Year's kiss.  All laughter aside...we did have a very nice New Year's Eve and a very nice meal that I hate to admit was worth the gastrointestinal worries!  I hope you all had an equally pleasant evening.  HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Should anyone be interested in having a similar experience, minus the bathroom finale, here are the companies and recipes we used.  http://www.lobsterstogo.com/  http://www.hancockgourmetlobster.com/  http://www.marthastewart.com/recipe/chocolate-wine-cake

"There is no love sincerer than the love of food."  -George Bernard Shaw