LOB-STAH!!!

FITNESS PET-PEEVES!

I am happy to report that my holiday house guests are now gone!  While we had a fantastic time together, like the famous Ben Franklin quote says, "guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days!"  LOL!  (Forgive me boys ;-)  During their visit we had some great conversations, one of which was about healthy eating.  My friends are in amazing shape.  We're talking young, radiant, and beautiful!  I'd be only too happy to be in the shape they are in, yet like so many fit people I've come to know, they are guilty of some of my biggest pet peeves!

I am an advocate for natural foods.  I believe in eating as many whole foods as I can get my hands on.  When I do buy packaged foods, I am an avid label reader searching for products with the fewest total ingredients, and eliminating items that have artificial sweeteners, corn by-products, and hydrogenated oils.  I buy as many organic foods as I can, and tend to gravitate toward smaller, independent, brands more so than the conglomerate food companies.  I buy produce at my local farmer's market and remain adamant about finding sustainable fish, grass-fed beef, and free-range chicken.  Yes, it gets expensive...but it's pay now or pay later!  You will not find a single product in my house that contains High Fructose Corn Syrup.  In fact, if someone is requesting a soda, it is likely I am handing them a bottle of Coca-Cola from Mexico that is made with cane sugar.  If you can not tell, I am passionate about eating natural food and feel very strongly that the synthetic, corn based, over-processed, diets of most Americans is contributing to the high instance of Obesity, Diabetes, Cancer, and other health related problems we see in this nation.  It has become a bit of a platform for me.  People need to get smarter about what they are putting into their bodies- worrying less about looks and more about nutrition.  Get educated on the matter and start shopping with more of a discerning eye, because if you think our government is protecting us and keeping us healthy- think again!

I used to work at a gym and I think one of the most irritating things I would witness was individuals who would kill themselves working out for two hours, then ten minutes later be sucking down a "health" drink that contained more artificial ingredients than a piece of plastic.  How is that good health?!?  I call these folks the "superficial health nuts," because it always seemed like they were willing to put anything into their bodies as long as it promised a slimmer you!  They'd sell their souls for flatter abs never once being concerned with whether or not they are actually feeding their bodies the nutrition needed to have energy, make repairs, and stave off disease.  I never could figure out why someone that buff was so intimidated by the 15 calories that might be found in a teaspoon of real sugar?  After all, the number one side affect of working out is the ability to metabolize calories!   These folks are eliminating from their diet things like fresh fruit and carrots for fear of sugar conversion, and replacing it with packets of Equal, butter substitutes that resemble tubs of yellow Cool Whip, and meal replacement snacks that have a shelf-life of five years!  Putting all health concerns aside, who the h*ll in their right mind wants to live this way!?!  You can't have an egg with a yolk in it?!  You're throwing away the lecithin and healthy omega-3 fats!  You can't have a grain of rice or some orange juice when you spend two hours at the gym every day?!?  Gimme a break!

Here's my philosophy, eat as many vitamin-rich whole fruits and vegetables as you can get your hands on, limit processed and starchy foods, and don't sweat things like carrots or orange juice because I guarantee that's the least of your worries!  Everybody wants to look good, but at the end of the day we eat for a reason- to nourish and replenish.  Ask yourself if you are putting better fuel in your car, or your body?  Do you have your priorities right when it comes to your health and fitness plan?  I ask myself these questions every day.  I am committed to making the necessary changes.  I know my friends left pledging to do the same.  I'm so fired up about it that you get two quotes today!

-As for butter versus margarine, I trust cows more than chemists.  -Joan Gussow


-Did you ever stop to taste a carrot?  Not just eat it, but taste it?  You can't taste the beauty and energy of the earth in a Twinkie.  -Astrid Alauda

A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE

I hopped on the scale with much trepidation yesterday.  This was probably the scariest "Weigh-in Tuesday" in the history of Two Ton Tillies, past, present, or future.  Nothing compares to the anxiety of stepping on the scale a few days after Christmas.  I can recall every guilt ridden second from childhood to present every single time the holidays would come to a close.  I am happy, no ecstatic, to report that I have not gained one pound over this Christmas holiday!  I declare, "It's a Christmas Miracle!"  Yes, it would be nice to tell you that I lost some weight this week, but I am pretty sure I have been gaining weight post December twenty-fifth since I was in diapers!  So this truly is a miracle!  Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could safely roll in to the new year without going even one pound backwards?!?  Well let's not get ahead of ourselves.  There's still the tiny little matter of New Year's Eve to discuss.  While I'm sure most of you are puzzled by this statement, regarding New Years as less of an eating holiday and more of a drinking holiday, a true fatty is always more concerned with the meal than the cocktails.  So here's what I got lined up for the welcoming of 2011.  My husband and I are planning on spending the evening at home, just the two of us.  Having weighed the weights of going out versus staying in, we decided that being home this New Year's Eve would be a safer, more affordable, more intimate way to celebrate.

One of our favorite places to visit is Kennebunkport, Maine.  We love everything from the beaches, to the landscape, to the seafood, and it is an especially beautiful place to visit in the winter.  Last year we spent New Year's Eve feasting on lobster and sipping champagne with a group of guests at our favorite inn.  We sat curled up in front of a roaring fire while it snowed like mad outside.  While it isn't possible for us to repeat our travel this year, we are doing our best to bring as much of that experience in Maine to our holiday here at home.  We are having two live lobsters shipped to us on New Year's Eve along with a quart of chowder.  We have some champagne on chill and I'm preparing a salad and a chocolate wine cake for dessert.  All we need now is some snow!  We plan to watch some favorite flicks and check out the usual festivities that are live on TV.  Being the die-hard animal lover that I am, I have put my husband in charge of cooking the lobsters.  Let's pray he has the guts to go through with it because if it comes down to me, we'll be naming them and keeping them as pets.

"Those who indulge, bulge." -Anonymous

HOLD ON, I'M COMIN!

Sam & Dave Video

HANG IN THERE EVERYONE!  I HEAR YOU LOUD AND CLEAR AND I AM WORKING ON A POST AS WE SPEAK!!  CHECK BACK AT DAY'S END AND IT SHOULD BE UP!

-JENNIFER

HOLIDAY RECAP

Buffalo chicken dip, garlic-Parmesan dip, potato chips, baked ham, fried ham sandwiches, mashed potatoes and gravy, macaroni salad, potato salad, ham and bean soup, beef barbecue, spinach dip, cashew patties, peanut-butter rice krispie squares, chocolate-coated pretzels, Glogg, nogg, deviled eggs, cheese, crab dip, giant Reese's peanut butter cups, bagels with cream cheese, panettone French toast, spam, chili, cheddar-oregano bread, Christmas cookies, whoopie pies, Mike's Hard Lemonade, ring bologna, Christmas ale, apple dumplings, pasta salad, croissants, Brandy Swizzle's, truffles, chocolate mints, chocolate cherries, toffee, Poppycock popcorn, expensive Cognac...  This is everything, well almost everything (there is a space limit on this server) that I've been exposed to in the last 72 hours.  Talk about dodging bullets!  It is amazing that I am still intact!

I have eaten some things on the list, but I have also chosen to skip some stuff too.  It has been a non-stop food buffet since December 23rd.  Between the food I myself have prepared, the food that has been delivered by friends and neighbors, and the food shoved in my face at various holiday parties and family get-togethers, it is amazing that everything I've achieved in the last eight weeks hasn't been flushed down the commode.  For the most part, I have handled it well.  I have not gone "mad" with my eating and have continued with my workouts.  There has been a definite increase in calorie consumption this week, but I am worlds ahead of what took place last Christmas.  I suspect that I will have an extra pound or two to work off between now and New Year's Day, but nothing that I foresee as any kind of major setback.  I have out-of-town guests staying with me so the pressure to cook and keep a well-stocked fridge has definitely added to the burden.  Luckily my house guests are fitness gurus and pretty self-sufficient in the eating department.  If anything, I'm sure Santa's bakeshop has been more a hindrance to them, then their eating has been to me.  Nonetheless, I'm sure you can agree that the more people you have cooking and eating in your house, the higher the chances that you will overeat.

I realize I have been lax on the entries lately.  Please forgive me.  I'm sure once the holidays pass and my home is mine again to do with what I want, I will be back on schedule with my daily entries.  Until then, I wish all of you the Merriest Christmas and hope that you too can successfully navigate the onslaught of holiday calories headed your way!

"I am not a glutton--I am an explorer of food" -Erma Bombeck

PULLING AWAY FROM THREE-HUNDRED

Yesterday was "Weigh-In Tuesday" and I'm happy to report that I have lost 4 more pounds!  This makes a total of 18 pounds.  Yea!!  I am slowly pulling away from the dreaded three-hundred pound mark and I am almost a safe thirty pounds from that nightmare.  Thank God!  Can you hear me exhale a sigh of relief!?  aaahhhh.....  Who'd think a person would ever be happy just to weigh less than three-hundred pounds!  I guess everything is relative.  The next threshold to cross will be the big two-fifty and then maybe I can safely say that I no longer weigh as much as a black bear.  Even though a number like this is so far from my personal goal, I still think it is important to set mini-goals along the way and celebrate every win you can.  It definitely helps to keep a yard-stick as a reminder of how far you've come.  I successfully kept my head to the grindstone this week and it paid off, but now it's time to enter...THE HOLIDAY ZONE!!  >>Reek Reek<<  More on that later.

“The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.” -Richard Bach 

BACK TO BASICS

Did you ever notice how good food tastes when you are on a diet??  Any kind of food!  Health food!  Fattening food!  Food you don't like!  I woke up this morning with a ferocious appetite.  I'm not sure why I was so hungry- maybe because for the last seven days I've really been towing the line.  I was starving!  My hunger has been insatiable all day and I find it pretty funny how most of what I ate I would find totally unappealing if I weren't on a diet.

I made myself a steak sandwich at around 10:30 this morning.  I wasn't playin'!  Waiting around for lunch or dinner was not an option and my usual morning meal of fiber cereal and fruit was not gonna cut it.  So I cooked up some steak with some bell peppers, added a bunch of hot peppers, then mixed in a little jack cheese.  I loaded this onto a lightly mayo-ed whole wheat roll and topped it with thinly sliced tomatoes that had been salted and sprinkled with oregano.  When I tell you it's the best damn thing I've ever eaten, believe that I am not lying!  What's funny is I HATE tomatoes.  I'm cool with tomato sauce and tomato products.  I can even handle diced tomatoes if they're firm and have been seeded, but the Earthy, slimy, seedy, make all your sandwiches soggy variety, will deter me from eating whatever they've been placed on.  Not today!  I'm also not a big fan of "hot" food.  I can take a little heat, but once it becomes a five alarm fire I usually walk.

Later in the day I thought I was going to pass out from sensory overload when I had some Melba Toast and cheese with some grapes as a snack.  You heard me...MELBA TOAST!!  Are you kidding me?!?  That's like getting excited over a rice cake!  I found the whole situation pretty amusing and it got me to thinking about how Americans overindulge on everything to the point where most things aren't enjoyable anymore.  I think our quality of life suffers a great deal as a result of this.  Think about it.  We overeat, overspend, over-text, we overdo the holidays, we drive cars that are ten times bigger than what we need, we hoard, we over-watch TV, we drink too much, smoke too much, work too much!  When did the American dream become all about excess...??  The only thing we don't overdo are things that are actually good for us!

I remember a time when driving was enjoyable- when it was fun to go cruising, take a road trip, or a Sunday drive.  Not anymore!  I understand a lot has to do with the change in traffic patterns, but I also think it is because we drive ten times more than we once did.  I love to watch people move their cars two blocks.  I think, "really, you live less than three blocks away and you can't just walk to the store for your newspaper?!"  And when did everybody start driving their kids to the bus stop!?!  Jesus!  No wonder we are overweight in this country!  We're giving our kids a ride, to their ride!

We have ruined for ourselves just about every good experience there is in life and I'm the first to admit that I've done it with food.  Absolute, unnecessary, total excess!  I can tell you that food hasn't tasted anywhere near as good as it has in the last few weeks, and I KNOW it's because I took it for granted and ate and ate and ate as mindlessly as I could.  What a lesson learned!  If you truly are a foodie then you should care enough to respect the experience.  Someone who truly values food will not overindulge to the point of being unhealthy.  Learn to limit yourself and I promise all things will become more enjoyable.

My husband and I recently went two years without television.  What an experiment!  The whole time all we heard from others was, "you're not missing much because the programming stinks!"  There most definitely has been a decline in programing, but I'm sure that's because we now have an excessive 150 stations on average, instead of the 6 or 8 channels we once did.  But I have to tell you, I really enjoy the few hours of television I watch per week.  Notice I said, a few hours per week, not a few hours per day!  Going without the Telly taught me to focus on more meaningful things.  I read more, exercise more, clean more.  As a couple, my husband and I were talk more and have actual sit-down meals in our dining room- not just balancing a plate of food on our laps in front of the boob tube.  Not only did other things in my life become more meaningful, but so did the act of watching TV.

Excess is everywhere but it is up to you to pick and chose how much you will indulge on things.  Think about your life today.  What things are you abusing?  What is it that you might be overindulging on, and has that overindulgence caused you to appreciate the experience less??  I appreciate food a whole lot more now that I make more conservative choices.  Perhaps we all just need to consider getting back to basics.

"The proximity of a desirable thing temps one to overindulge.  On that path lies danger." -Frank Herbert

THE VISION BOARD

If I'm going to keep Katie Fantastic on top and Barbells on the bottom I best get with the motivation.  It is for this reason that I pulled out of the closet my "Vision Board."  Time to give this thing an update!  For those of you unfamiliar, a vision board is a visualization tool used to help manifest one's hopes and dreams into real-life accomplishments.  It reached the peak of popularity when the DVD "The Secret" was released.  Soon everyone from Oprah to my dental hygienist was doing vision boards.

You create a vision board by pasting some collected images (could be from periodicals, the web, etc.) that best represent your hopes and desires to some poster board (or other suitable canvas) in a collage-like form along with lettering, phrases, and other inspirational details.  The belief is, if you keep this reminder at the forefront of your space, your life will begin to manifest what is on the board.  The physical supplies include poster board or foam board, some scissors, magazine clippings, photos, glue, and some other scrap-booking materials.  The mental supplies are a little harder to come by.  The project requires you to tap into your innermost desires and convictions, and then creatively express them on your board.

I can honestly say that when I used this board in the past, it worked.  My husband and I were shopping for a new home.  It was one of the most stressful things we've ever had to do and the criteria in order for the home purchase to work was very finite.  It could be said that our house might have come along without use of the board, but if you knew how perfectly this home fit our expectations, and how lucky we are to be the couple who purchased it, you would be in your car heading to the craft store right now.  In fact, in looking at this board today, I can honestly say everything on it has been achieved.  Even if you think all this talk about vision boards is hooey, I think participating in such a project is a great way to clarify your goals and define your direction in life.  We brainstorm, create outlines, and use project tools for work.  Why wouldn't we do the same for our personal life??

As I've mentioned before, I think celebrities and successful people in general, reach stardom because they believe in themselves.  Having positive images and ideals to focus on is a good way to keep that belief strong.  I will be working on this project in the next few days and will share with you the end result when my board is complete.  I implore you to do the same.  It doesn't have to be a weight or health related challenge.  It can be anything you want to change or improve in your life, or maybe something new that you'd like to welcome into your life.  My completed board will appear in a future post.

"A vision is not just a picture of what could be; it is an appeal to our better selves, a call to become something more." -Rosabeth Moss Kanter

DIETING IS REAL-LIFE "SURVIVOR"

So I'm watching the CBS show "Survivor" last night and they, the cast, are participating in a "rewards" challenge.  After completing a mission that includes a dip in the pool and the solving of a puzzle that is easier than something you'd see on "Wheel of Fortune," they get whisked away on a cruise with some family members to a delicious meal on the water.  I'm watching them chow down on a feast of sandwiches, cookies, chips, and champagne, all the time drooling as I watch them dig in.  I think to myself, "now wait a minute... they are stuck in the woods of Nicaragua eating a meal I would kill for, and I'm all comfy on my sofa in Pennsylvania with a stocked refrigerator upstairs, a giant can of Christmas cookies in my dining room, and my choice of grocery stores within a mile's drive, and I'm the one who's starving...?!?  What's wrong with this picture?!?  That's when it occurred to me.  Dieting is like playing a real-life game of Survivor!  You have to outwit, outplay, and outlast all your desires!  I'm not sure what it's like to be stuck in the jungle for thirty-nine days, but I know what a lifetime of deprivation feels like!  Sign me up!  I could probably kick all their asses!  LOL.

Aside from the Survivor talk, I am happy to report that I am back on track and having a much better day(s) then what I had at the beginning of the week.  I'm not sure what drove me to the dark side of macaroni and cheese eating and visits to the drive-up window, but if I had to guess I'd say a week of baking cookies with my mother.  Let's just say that some experiences and some people can tap you out even when things are going smoothly.  But I seem to be good for now- relieved that it's over and happy to be re-focused on my health.  I am going to try really hard to tow the line for the next eight days because I would like to take part in at least some holiday eating and not have a guilty conscious about it.  I will need to think up some ways to keep my motivation strong this week.

"I choose not to think of my life as surviving, but coping." -Lorna Luft

HIGHS, LOWS, AND BAD ALTAR-EGO'S

The last two days haven't been the greatest for me.  I have broken open a box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese and consumed a Baconator sandwich within the same forty-eight hours.  Let me provide you some further details.  The Mac n' cheese is no surprise.  I think by now we're all fully aware of my persistent desire to consume macaroni and cheese in every available form, but the Baconator is a bit of an upset.  For those who are unfamiliar, the Baconator is the 900+ calorie, double-decker, bacon cheeseburger from Wendy's that just spits in the face of all whom are demanding healthier menu items.  What's really sick about it is I don't even eat fast-food, not even when I'm not dieting!  I don't really have a good explanation for this other than to say my highs are very high, but my lows can be equally as extreme.  I wish I could tell you that I didn't enjoy eating this and that it made me sick, but in keeping with the honesty of this blog, I have to tell you that I enjoyed every overly salty moment of it.  A bliss that has a cost.

Yesterday was "Weigh-in Tuesday" and it was not exactly a celebratory moment when I stepped on the scale.  I did not lose any weight, in fact, I gained a pound.  Not losing weight this week is really not a surprise.  I've mentioned before that the pattern seems to be a week of weight-loss followed by a week of no weight-loss, but gaining a pound sorta unnerved me.  I'm sure the pound is temporary and has everything to do with the indulgence that took place the night before, but that didn't stop me from sulking and skipping my workout.  You've met Katie Fantastic, my super-duper strong and healthy altar-ego.  Now I feel it is only fair to acknowledge the hedonistic side of me, the bad-altar ego that resides inside the same being.  I thought long and hard for what I should call her, that evil, glutinous, b*tch!  I tapped in to a childhood memory that will serve me well in this case- the first time someone called attention to me being fat.  It still stands out in my mind.  I was in Elementary school and a boy in my third grade class called me "Barbells!"  He was the younger brother, of my brother's best friend.  My brother, who is ten years older than me, never usually had access to such information because of our age difference.  This age difference, however, never stopped him from teasing me relentlessly.  Thanks to the fact that his friend had a brother the same age as me, he became privy to this information and so the torture began.  Luckily, I had shaken this name by junior high as my popularity with both the cool kids and the not so cool kids began to grow, but I will still never forget it!  It is for this reason that my bad altar-ego shall go by the name...Barbells!  Let's pray Katie Fantastic knows how to kick her ass!

“Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.” -Truman Capote

THE SMARTEST THING I'VE NEVER DONE!

Today marks the week long baking extravaganza I have agreed to with my mother.  That's right folks- it's Christmas cookie mania!  We are baking up a storm and hopefully giving the large majority of them away!  Here is the Christmas cookie line-up: 

"Weighing in at 180 calories per cookie......with 9 grams of fat and 23 grams of carbs......we have...Toll House Chocolate Chip cookies!

Followed by:

2.) Death By White Chocolate
3.) Cherry Cheesecake
4.) Butter Cut-Outs (a must to appease my mother)
5.) Raspberry Linzer
6.) Spumoni Bars (new this year!)

I'm not gonna lie, I could go for a good cookie right about now.  While there are no low-cal versions being baked this week, I did take all necessary precautions.  Observe that there is no peanut butter on the list.  I simply can not control myself when there is peanut butter anything in the house, much less MY peanut butter cookies, which I'm proud to say are not the bland, dry, sugary, absent of all peanut butter flavor, cookies that you generally see out there.  Put peanut butter right up there with macaroni and cheese for me!  I'm sure there will be a poem about my love of peanut butter in an upcoming entry, but for now let's talk about the smartest thing I've done thus far!  It is...(drum roll please)...starting a diet BEFORE Christmas!!  (cheering!)  Yes, you heard me!  I should win a prize for this ground-breaking decision!  Year after year I do the same thing, and get the same results, and then wonder why I'm fat and miserable.  Every frickin' year I make the decision to start a diet AFTER the holidays.  I cram as much food as I possibly can into my mouth before the January deadline, with the understanding that come January, this need for overindulgence will all magically cease as I embark on the diet of a lifetime.  I end up gaining some obscene amount of weight over the holidays and then throw myself into an extreme diet and exercise mode that begins January first and is over by February second.  What is not over is the 15+ pounds I put on over the holidays.  I would be better off to do nothing, and have no plan whatsoever, then to set myself up for this kind of failure!  Why??  Because if I didn't have the notion of a severe January diet looming like a cloud of death above my head, I wouldn't overkill my eating the month before to the point where I kick off the New Year with at least a fifteen pound deficit.  Yes, I would still overeat (I think we all do at the holidays) but I literally have this mentality of, "I got to get it in," before January, which causes me to over indulge on my overindulging!

I have done this soooo many times without success, yet it never discourages me from doing it once more!  Well not this year sister!  I am pleased as punch that I am starting off this holiday season having already lost 13 pounds.  I don't feel the pressure to perform a miracle next month.  I don't feel as though I CAN'T have some holiday eats, especially having gotten a handle on this so early on.  I may just start out this New Year weighing less than I did last New Year's.  WOW!  If I can share only one message with you this week, let this be it!!  Anyone who is listening, pleeze, do NOT waste one more second of your life on this falsely promised notion of redemption!  There is nothing magical about January first!  REPEAT...JANUARY FIRST HAS NO SPECIAL POWERS!!  We do not suddenly wake up as transformed human beings, with superhero will-power.  All you are doing is putting off until tomorrow, what you could be doing today!  I beg thee...try something different this time!  Join me in this fight TODAY!

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." -Albert Einstein

THE SHE-WOLF!

It's time for me to introduce you to MY second I.  I call her Katie Fantastic and she is a she-wolf!  Ever see or hear something that just instantly moves you to action?  Well let me tell you how it happened for me.  I was standing in my friend's apartment, drink in hand, when this music video came on TV.  I was utterly and completely captivated.  Slightly shocked, a bit applauded, but I couldn't take my eyes off it.  It was at this moment that I realized I must do something about my current condition.  First, as a disclaimer, I would like to say that I am not gay, I'm not a slut, and I don't generally buy when sex is what is for sale, but this was overwhelming to my senses.  It is the Shakira music video for She Wolf, and it is what best captures the energy and drive I channel when I am Katie Fantastic!  If you've never seen it, and believe me you would remember if you had, please take a moment to watch it- the entire video please, full-screen, as it is worth the three minutes and forty-nine seconds for shock value alone.  If you have seen it, please re-watch, as it bears repeating.  Then we will resume.

She-Wolf Video

Love or hate her, the girl got some moves!  Let's just say that every time I hear this song I start movin'.  I don't have a cage in my basement, yet, but I can be found reenacting this video several times a week.  Perhaps by the end of this journey I will be able to dance the whole thing.  Now that'd be a video worth seeing!! ;-)  I guess what I'm trying to say is that, we all at times lack the motivation to be our best.  It is a mental game and sometimes you have to dig deep and use whatever you got, even just your imagination, to take things to a higher level.  I can tell you that when I am working-out and I have pushed myself to the limit, it is Katie Fantastic that takes me through those last minutes of exercise.  Whether I am at the gym or returning back to my house from a run, I am, in those last seconds, screaming inside my head, "I AM KATIE FANTASTIC!!!"  Because if I didn't, I might never make it home!  One of these days, my neighbors are gonna hear me scream out that phrase as I'm nearing the driveway!  Any time someone says to me, "how did you do that??"  My response is always, "it must have been Katie Fantastic!' 

You may not be as extreme a person as me, but it never hurts to have a technique like this in your back pocket.  Did you think about the list of attributes I assigned??  Do you have a sense of what you would like those headlines to say about you??  Great!  Now you need a name!  A theme song may not be a bad idea either.  Use some of your adjectives to design a name for yourself as I did with fantastic.  Maybe you have a mundane first name like me (Jennifer).  Pick the name you've always wanted; the one you wish your mommy had given you!  Check out Drew Barrymore's movie, "Whip it," for some inspiration.  It's a total girl-power movie and those girls chose some amazing names as their roller derby names.  “Eva Destruction."  "Maggie Mayhem!”  LOL.  Celebrities rarely go by their God given name.  Maybe a shorter version of your real name?  Esteemed tattoo artist Katherine Drachenberg nicknamed herself KatVonD.  Use whatever works and gives you the motivation you need.  Don't stress about it as you can always change it later should you think of something better.  Then, start tapping into your power.  Anytime you are nervous about something, sheepish in a situation, lacking the perseverance to push through, remember who you are!  Remember your altar-ego!  Anytime I get worn out or are feeling low, I just start humming the tune to She-Wolf in my head.  "Nocturnal creatures are not so prudent, the moon's my teacher, and I'm her student...there's a she-wolf in your closet, open up and set her free...."

"To wish you were someone else is to waste the person you are." -anonymous

CREATE AN ALTAR EGO

People are forever asking me where I get my confidence from, my self-esteem.  I guess they aren't used to someone weighing 300 pounds and still feeling pretty good about themselves- LOL.  After all, society has made sure that fat people are viewed as near worthless.  If you are a man, probably the worse thing your wife or girlfriend could be is overweight.  No street cred for nailin' the fat chick!  She'd be better off to have two heads.  I think trannies are more accepted in the male arena then a fat girl is.  It's not just a male thing either, because sadly, women say it about other women too!  "Fat and smelly," "Fat and lazy," "Fat b*tch."  I mean let's be honest, we never really hear fat teamed up with any good adjectives.  So if like me, you've had a lifelong battle with weight, it can be hard to preserve one's self-worth.

I think I am just a confident person at heart.  I come from pretty gutsy people and I think I have always been very good at knowing exactly who I am.  Knowing, for instance, that big or small, I am the exact same person!  Still, it can get tough sometimes, especially if you are the type of person who holds yourself to some pretty high standards.  So I'll let you in on a little secret that has always helped me...create an altar ego!  Sometimes the best way to feel good about who you are in the moment, is to think of yourself as who you'd most like to be.  If you could be the most perfect "you," what would that look like...??  How does that person think?  What is that person known for?  Think about how you would want to be described by an audience: fierce, fashionable, sexy, daring, smart, then apply it to your thinking.

I honestly believe celebrities and superstars get lucky.  They have one big break and what fuels the rest of their fame is the belief that they ARE something great.  It's like writers are expected to have the next great novel, actors- the next best film, so they begin to expect it of themselves because of all the feedback they've gotten from society.  “Riveting, fantastical.”  I think they begin to think of themselves as riveting and fantastical!  You can have all the talent and beauty in the world, but sometimes the hardest part is believing that you do!  Be your own fan!  Don't wait for your first novel or big break.  Think of yourself that way now!!  Build the field of dreams in your life and the rest will come.  Think I'm crazy?  Recording artist Beyonce released an album called, “I AM Sasha Fierce.”  She's a pop superstar for God's sake and even she felt the need to create an altar-ego for herself!

In Latin, alter ego means "the second I."  This is your homework assignment for today- to begin thinking about your second "I."  I want you to think about all the characteristics you value.  All the good things about yourself, as well as, the attributes that are yet to come.  Concentrate on how you see yourself when you are at your most fabulous.  Jot down adjectives that you would like to see in print if Hollywood wrote a review about you.  Think about your favorite celebrity or the person you admire most in life, then tune in tomorrow for tips on how to construct the perfect altar-ego.

"I am indeed a king, because I know how to rule myself." -Pietro Aretino

THE SHOW MUST GO ON!

I was a little caught up in the drama yesterday with Tera quitting the blog.  I apologize for my distraction, but it was a very sad day for me.  I want her to be well and I hope things settle down for her soon.  I got so caught up in the madness that I completely forgot about "Weigh-in Tuesday!"  I am happy to announce that I have lost three more pounds!  Woot!  Woot!  This makes a total of thirteen pounds since November 1st.  There seems to be a pattern forming.  I have a week of no weight loss or a slight loss, followed by a week of a bigger loss.  Whatever the case, I'll take it!  I feel like it is a respectable amount to be losing, at a responsible rate.  It works out to be 2.6 pounds per week.  I know new studies indicate that there is no correlation between how fast you lose weight and its permanence, but I couldn't disagree more with the findings.  The problem with these studies is that they are always cranked out by scientists and doctors, and I suppose people looking to participate in a weight-loss study, but never "real" people suffering from life-long yo-yo dieting and obesity.  Every single time I have lost weight super fast, I have gained it back super fast also.  Can anyone agree with me on this??  Now that's not to say that if you lose weight slowly you don't still run the risk of gaining it back, but I wholeheartedly believe there is a connection between how fast you lose the weight and its permanence, and let me tell you why.  Because when you lose weight super quick it generally means you are doing something EXTREME to lose it.  Extreme, by definition of the Merriam-Webster dictionary is, "going to great or exaggerated lengths; Radical, went on an extreme diet."  LOL.  (They actually use dieting as a means to demonstrate use of the word!)  Any time you do something extreme, it is often a short-lived moment in your life.  It is not something you can realistically keep up for any prolonged length of time.  I lost weight before through extreme diet and exercise.  Ask me how well that turned out??  I'm writing a blog seven years later entitled, Two Tion Tillies!"

I get really fed up with all the fad diets and miracle cures because I think it is one of the biggest money making exploitations of the American people.  I do not doubt that they work.  Of course they do, for about a minute!  If you eat nothing but grapefruit for sixteen weeks I guess you will lose some weight. But what happens when you stop...??  Are you really going to do that forever??  Is eating only one thing or eliminating an entire group of foods like carbs really healthy for our bodies...??  Atkins, South Beach, The ZONE, Raw Foods, Real Age, Fat Smash, Mediterranean, YOU ON A DIET!...I've tried them all!  I think I was at my first Weight Watchers meeting at age eight and was enrolled in Nutri-system by my twelfth birthday.  I've examined every weight loss cure out there and will probably continue to do so because I respect the research.  People keep asking me what I am doing to lose the weight.  I am doing the Jennifer diet!  Funny thing happens when you've tried all this stuff, you become a bit of an expert.  I have borrowed from each and every one of them and I am taking the best techniques, best medical findings, and most practical suggestions, and applying them in a sensible fashion.  I should write a book based on all my life experience and call it, "THE REALITY DIET!"  Or "THE SIMPLICITY DIET!"  Or the "REAL LIFE CURE!"  It is simple.  Watch your portion size, mind your carbs, move regularly and consistently, eat healthy, whole, unprocessed foods, have more good days then bad, drink lots of water, get plenty of rest, keep regular with your doctor, and have a positive outlook toward your life and your body.  I would love to expand on each and every one of these concepts, but that may just take a book!  I will share some of my favorite books, plans, and advice, in future blogs.  You will never hear me say that this is easy, but you will always here me say that it is simple!

"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex...it takes a touch of genius- and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction."  -Albert Einstein

AND THEN THERE WAS ONE...

I am sad to report that Tera will no longer be a part of this blog :-(  That seems to be the decision, at least for now.  She is dealing with some personal issues, which is making being a part of anything extra curricular very difficult right now.  I hope for her sake that she continues to mind her health, regardless of not being able to blog about it.  We talked about her possibly resuming the blog in the future- maybe as soon as mid-January.  But you know what???  I DON'T HAVE UNTIL JANUARY!!!  I COULD BE FOUR-HUNDRED FREAKIN' POUNDS BY THEN!!  I DON'T HAVE THE LUXURY OF SAYING, "EH, AFTER THE HOLIDAYS."  NOPE!  SORRY!  I SAID THAT FOR THE LAST THIRTY-SEVEN YEARS AND WHERE DID IT GET ME?!?  I COULD LITERALLY CHOKE ON A HAM SANDWICH THIS CHRISTMAS LIKE MAMA CASS!  THAT URBAN LEGEND COULD BE TOTALLY TRUE FOR ME!!

If you can not tell...I'm pissed off!  I'm not pissed at Tera.  I adore Tera and she is doing what she needs to do right now.  I'm pissed off at the situation!  At having to do this alone!  Because I have to do every thing alone!  Always!  And people always quit on me!  I guess it's like my friend Wendy says, losing weight is the one thing you can not push someone to do.  It has to be on your very own timetable.  When you say so, and not when anybody else says so.

As much as I enjoy and need the support...I gotta cut you lose Tera.  I have to drop the dead weight (no pun intended) because my time is now!  I can not suffer another failed venture.  I simply can't.  Will not!  The show must go on!  I hope that all of you continue to tune in because I am not going anywhere!  It may be just Two Ton Tilly now, instead of Two Ton Tillies, but this Tilly is about to get mad silly because all this does is make me even more determined.  In fact, I've never felt more motivated in my life!  I'm on fire!  I guess I'm just going to have to pick up Tera's blogs and share more often.  I will do my best to write an entry every day.  I can not promise I'll be perfect at it as I took this project on with the idea of blogging every other day- a perfectly manageable feat for me, but I guess the ante just got raised.  It's put up or shut up time because now it's all on me.  No partner to connect to, or deflect to. 

“Life. Fire.  Being myself on fire I set others on fire.  Never death.  Fire and life. Le jeux” -Anais Nin

MY PARTNER IN CRIME

So I'm sure you've noticed that my partner in crime seems to have gone missing.  She missed this week's blog all-together, and many of you have sent messages inquiring about her absence.  I've held off from addressing the issue because I figure everyone is entitled to a bad week, but may I be the first to say that I am concerned for Tera because she is one of the most reliable people I know.  I never would have chosen her to embark on this mission with me, if I didn't believe her to be equally as capable of achieving the goal and sharing her triumphs and tribulations consistently with an audience.  I have emailed and called hoping to gain an explanation so I can lend my support, but have gotten no response.  This worries me.  I hope she has not given up.  Most of all, I hope whatever is standing in the way does not continue to be a roadblock to her success and healing.  It is a dim day for me because like you, I look forward to hearing about her experiences and gaining strength from her insight.  There is definitely something to be said for the synergy that exists when two friends join forces against the same fight.  Tera, if you are listening to me way down there in Texas, "THIS BLOG NEEDS YOU...AND SO DO I...DON'T LEAVE ME HANGING BY MY FAT ALL ALONE!!!"  

Weight loss isn't for the faint of heart.  I think we can all agree that having someone to brave the rapids with you can certainly add to your strength and success, but I also believe that sometimes we have to paddle on our own.  I am hoping to continue this journey as it was intended, with both of us bringing you our experiences.  For this reason and until I here differently, we will continue the format of each of us providing our entry, every other day.  But I want you to know, should things change, I will paddle alone!  I WILL NOT GIVE UP THIS FIGHT OR THIS BLOG UNTIL I REACH MY GOAL!!  Stay tuned!  I hope the next person we hear from is Tera!

"Teamwork divides the task and doubles the success." -Unknown

THE BEFORE "BEFORE"

So I  was digging around to see what I could find in the way of images of my former self.  I couldn't find very much.  I was hoping to locate more full-body pictures, and ones of better quality, but this is what I found.  Still, I think you'll be able to get an understanding of who I once was.  The sad part is, the reason there aren't more photos is because I never wanted any taken!  I still thought I was fat here.  Once a "fatty" always a "fatty!"  The mindset rarely changes even when we reach a healthy weight.  I was about a size 8.  Not my thinnest, but close to it.  I think at my smallest, I was teetering between a size 4 and a size 6, depending on the clothing manufacturer. Likewise, sometimes I would fit a size 10.  Never a size 0 or 2, but a healthy weight, nonetheless, for a girl of a 5' 4" stature.  I was very muscular and quite curvy.  I don't know if you can tell by the first photo, but I had certain "assets."  I prided myself on doing a lot of weight training.  I never worried about becoming to bulky.  I just wanted to be STRONG!

These photos were taken about seven years ago at age 31.  Now go back and take a look at my current photos.  What the "h*ll" happened!?  Years of stress, bad jobs, neglect, yo-yo dieting, and unattended medical problems have sure taken a toll.  Will I ever look this fabulous again??  I don't know.  It is impossible to turn back the hands of time, but I do believe age is just a number.  We can all look fabulous at whatever age we are.  I know this because many would tell you I looked better at age 31 then I did at 18.  We'll just have to see what I can do at nearly 38.  I have reasonable expectations. Perhaps I will surprise myself and exceed them :-)

"It's never too late to be what you might have been." -George Eliot

DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!!

A very wise friend once told me, never show your "before" photos until you have your "after."  Well what if you have your before, "before" photos??  What if you have photos that show how fabulous you were before you gained weight??  I certainly could take my friend's advice and save myself a hill of embarrassment by not posting these photos until I reach my dream size, but what fun would that be?!?  It would be a cowardice move on my part because anyone can stand next to a size 24 cardboard cut-out of their former self when they are lean and mean and wearing a spandex bodysuit that shows off their new washboard abs.  No one needs the "new and improved" when they are stuck drowning in a weight problem.  What people need is someone who is right there in the moment with them.  So if anyone struggling with their weight is out there listening, I'm here!  Right there with ya!  Struggling too!  And no I haven't reached the "after" yet!  If I withhold these pictures until I have, then it just means I've already given up on myself.  I must not believe I'm gonna reach the "after" or I wouldn't have to hold-off.

It's not easy being this big. This is about as real as it gets!  Take a good look.  Did you see my chins in that one shot??  No make-up, no fancy clothes, no fancy hair, and no Photoshop.  I just took the pictures as I was on this day.  You know how in those infomercials for exercise equipment they always show people pushing their stomachs out while slouching to look extra fat in the "before" image??  In the "after" shot they are suddenly all sucked in, gleaming, looking 100 pounds thinner even though the caption says they lost only 15 pounds!  Well let's just say I have the "before" down, and I didn't have to resort to such antics.  The fat just showed up naturally!  No need to slouch here!  I am just that bloated and washed out!  My skin looks peakid.  I look tired.  I don't look the least bit youthful or energetic.  I actually look sickly!  My husband was quite right when he compared me to a meth addict.  Bare in mind, these photos were taken AFTER I had already lost 7 pounds!!  Good Lord!  I think I've deiced one thing after viewing these photos.  If I EVER write a diet book, fitness journal, et cetera, the front cover will be one of these photos with the title, "Don't Let THIS Happen To YOU!!!"

“To change one’s life: 1. Start immediately. 2. Do it flamboyantly. 3. No exceptions.” -William James

PUT IT AT THE TOP OF YOUR X-MAS LIST!

 

  Apple Website/ I-pod Nano 

Who doesn't love Apple products!??  Okay, maybe Microsoft doesn't and a few others out there, but I DO and I can not recommend enough the newest I-pod Nano!  At 1.14" by 1.24" it easily clips to your shirt collar, t-shirt sleeve, or other apparel.  No more clunky devices to carry around on arm bands that cut your circulation off!  It is especially great if you are a mover and a shaker like me.  If you do any high-impact exercise like running or flailing your arms back and forth on an Elliptical machine, it has no greater purpose.  It stays put on my shirt collar and is so light I often have to check to make sure it is still there.  It has done wonders for my workout!  And get this, it has a built-in pedometer that you can use by itself or paired with the Nike sports kit which coaches you on miles traveled and calories burned through a voice that is cheering you on in your ear buds.  Did I mention it also has a built-in radio??  

The Nano retails for between $149 and $179 (ouch!) depending on whether you desire the 8GB or 16GB memory size.  It is money well spent, especially if it keeps you motivated during exercise.  All I had to do was add up the money I'm saving on macaroni and cheese and it paid for itself!  LOL!  Actually, I got mine for free through credit card points.  You may want to check if any of your cards offer the Nano in the rewards catalog.  You can also purchase the I-pod Shuffle for a reasonable $49, but it's minus the touch screen and pedometer.  Both devices come in a variety of cool colors.  As you can see I selected the pink.  I'm done doing my commercial.  I just wanted to say that if you or anyone you know is trying to get back to the gym, this is a really great item to help motivate!

"A lot of companies have chosen to downsize, and maybe that was the right thing for them. We chose a different path. Our belief was that if we kept putting great products in front of customers, they would continue to open their wallets." -Steve Jobs

A Dieters Nightmare and Defense

The holidays are absolutely, positively a dieter's worst nightmare...... Even with as good as we try to be, it seems that the tiniest taste or glimpse of some of these "traditional" holiday dishes is enough to crumple the strongest of wills.

As you know, I had the job of attending 3 thanksgiving meals.... my last two went fairly well, with the exception of the consumption of a piece of pumpkin pie at one, and a piece of cherry pie at the other..small slices, but slices nonetheless. Even though I monitored what went on my plate, I still feel vile....like I robbed a store or something. I don't know why I am stuck on the all-or-nothing mentality. I can only surmise it is from the period I went through in high school where I skipped meals left and right and ate next to nothing. The ONLY time in my life where I have lost a significant amount of weight, but also probably a keystone in the mental battle of all of this. My feral brain keeps running back to "hey this worked before" but the more logical brain says "shut up stupid, see where that got you?" Its like I now have two hamsters fighting for control in my wheel. (YES, hamsters....their behavior and twitchy-ness best describes the nonsense that arises in my brain. HAHA) I think that is what kept sending me back to a million "DAY ONE" of a diet that I have been through. Now Im just on day 29 and revamping my strategy. That in itself is huge for me.

Now I get to go to the grocery store and attempt to choose healthy options that are affordable while fighting two kids in the shopping cart.......

MOURNING THE LEFTOVERS

First things first, a big shout-out to my very talented graphic-artist friend, Scott, for doing a bang-up job on Tilly (our new graphic).  For those of you unfamiliar with the origin of the term "Two-Ton Tilly," the estranged cousin of "Two-Ton Tessie," Tilly refers to a British military tank.  SO...Tera and I brainstormed the image that now appears in our header.  Kudos for all the details Scott!  We especially love the cupcake tattoo, and the fact that Tilly is motoring over a box of pizza!  May I also add that the resemblance is overwhelming, especially the large tank cannon emanating from Tilly's endowed upper half.

My Thanksgiving meal was amazing and not nearly as scary as what you described, Tera.  The chicken, though the skin got a little dark, was moist and delicious.  The sweet potatoes were simple, but tasty.  The Brussels sprouts were so good I wanted seconds, but the standout dish was the pistachio brown-butter cake with Concord grapes I made for dessert.  It was soo good I had to give the cake away as I could not be trusted to sleep under the same roof housing this decadent delight.  I would say this meal was a satisfactory replacement for the traditional turkey and gravy most of America dined on this holiday.  So then why did I wake up the next day mourning the traditional Thanksgiving leftovers?!?

Thanksgiving isn't just that big fat meal you have with the family, it is the hot turkey sandwich you make the next day for lunch, the potato filling you reheat for dinner, and the pumpkin pie that somehow follows you into the next week!  Every day I do this diet I learn just how emotional eating really is.  It's not just the obvious things I need to plan for, like brainstorming a healthy meal in exchange for the turkey swimming in heart-attack gravy, it is all the other thoughts, urges, and instincts that kick in whenever food is the main event.  The cues, sometimes unbeknown to myself, are buried just below the surface.  Years of eating as ritual has ensured this.  I don't have a strategy worked out for the leftovers, but at least I know what pitfalls can potentially be lurking around the Thanksgiving Day corner.  For right now I'm going to try and build a new tradition in leftovers with my cranberry chicken and Brussels sprouts.  Perhaps tomorrow I will construct a leftover hot chicken and cranberry sandwich that will rival anything I've had in years past.  I'll let you know how that goes.  Till then, I hope everybody is enjoying their leftovers!


"Tradition is the illusion of permanence." -Woody Allen

An Alfred Hitchcock Thanksgiving

My family traveled from Rosenberg to Dallas to spend Thanksgiving with my brother-in-law and his family, which is great fun because they have two girls the same age as my boys and it is always neat to watch them play.

Thanksgiving morning started in my mind's eye, very much the same that a good Alfred Hitchcock flick would start-- the little theme song, black and white set, and that portly bellied silohette on the backdrop..... only the song is running through my head and the pot belly belongs to me. (Everything was still in color, but in moments of panick I did have black and white flashes-- especially when it was my job to unwrap and rinse the turkey--- you know that one famous scene where the blood is running with the water down the shower drain? Yeah, I had that from a turkey in a kitchen sink. Surreal.)

Anyway, the morning started with our cast of characters--- 4 kids under the age of 4 chasing each other down the hall, through the living room, into the kitchen to zing one, two, three times around the island before bopping back onto the couches, bouncing off a wall and thundering up a flight of stairs. My brother in law was doing up some dishes and cleaning the cook surfaces, my husband ran to get canned CINNAMON ROLLS >>dum, dum, duuuuuhhhmmmm<<>>>REEK REEK REEK REEK EEEEK!<<< The black and white commences to the slightly off kilter filming of the scene just outside the garage with a huge kettle filled with hot oil, the murdered turkey gets plunged in to get rid of the evidence..... The 'criminals' look over to the door where I am peeking from and give me the oddest look....LOL.
SO the turkey was fried. I got the small salad plate instead of the large dinner plate and took 1/3 portions of the meats, and a tablespoon of everything else. I skipped the gravy. And the seconds. I think I was the only person that didn't waddle away and beach myself.
Now the hamster that runs the wheel in my brain was throwing an absolute fit! He was screaming "bring it on ALFRED" the whole time....fuzzy little jerk-face. My hamster is suffering from some serious unsoliceted work related stress (I'll tell you later Jennifer, and GREAT job by the way on your holiday meal, it sounds delicious!!!)
But the good news is, I have not GAINED any weight. Normally between Halloween and Thanksgiving, we're looking at 5-7 pounds in candy, holiday food, and baked goods. I am a total of 4 pounds down, so 259~
I still have to make it through thanksgiving with my mom tomorrow and thanksgiving with my dad on Sunday........ PRAY FOR ME, Dear Jesus give me strength to control and moderate my munching with wise and healthy decisions for the good of my body. Also please tell my hamster to remember his meds, he's in desparate need of a 'chill pill'
SO the Hitchcock sequel continues--- will the fat lady fail to fill her silohette? Will there be more bird murder?? Stay tuned!

THANKSGIVING SHOWDOWN!

I am making Thanksgiving dinner this year and no one in my family is interested in attending.  That may be because I announced it will be a much healthier version than what is customary.  My mother-in-law will be making a guest appearance, but I think even she has the good sense to eat at home first.  LOL.  My husband's on board with the idea so I think that is awesome.  I'm not doing this because I think having turkey and gravy one day a year is a sin, but more because I am tired of bowing to the pressure to do what's best for everyone else instead of myself.  Maybe next year I'll have the usual, but this year I am trying something different.  I'm preparing "Cranberry and Lime Drunken Chicken," "Cuban Style Roasted Sweet Potatoes," and "Brussels Sprouts with Marjoram and Pine Nuts."

You can find the recipe for the chicken in the November issue of "O" magazine or on the website (Cranberry and Lime-Leaf Drunken Chicken)  The Brussels sprouts are an old Bon Appetit recipe, but can be obtained at Brussels Sprouts with Marjoram and Pine Nuts/ Bone Appetit.  I'm not sure where the sweet potato recipe originally came from, but there are plenty of similar versions on the web.  For dessert I plan to make Pistachio Brown-butter Cake with Concord Grapes. 

I will be marinating the chicken tonight and most likely baking the cake.  I'm sure while I do this visions of candied sweet potatoes and hills of potato filling soaked in gravy will be dancing in my head, but sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do!  All I have to do is replace those thoughts with thoughts of over-sized thighs and hills of dancing cellulite and the decision becomes easy!  I'll let you know how things turn out.  Until then, Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

“The pain of discipline is far less than the pain of regret.” -Sarah Bombell

CONFESSIONS OF A YO-YO DIETER

I am proud to announce that I have lost three more pounds.  This makes a total of ten pounds in three weeks.  I realize this news should be coming to you tomorrow on "Weigh-In" Tuesday, but since it will be Tera's turn to blog I thought I'd weigh myself today.  I've dreaded weigh-in's my whole life so I think I may be on to something since I'm willing to step on the scale a day early.  I feel very positive that I am moving in the right direction, but there are still so many defeating thoughts.

I have a confession to make- this ain't my first rodeo.  About eight years ago I had lost one-hundred pounds.  I did it through extreme diet and exercise and managed to keep it off for about four years.  I had become a bit of a celebrity.  Everyone was amazed at how I had done it.  I wasn't amazed because I knew how many hours I had put into the gym to get that body.  No one knew I was starving inside.  I would go out for a night on the town and if I had anything more than a cup of ice, I would come home and go running for an hour.  It didn't matter if it was 2 a.m., fourteen degrees outside, or raining cats and dogs,  I wasn't about to let this weight thing get the best of me!  Little did I know it already had.  It was controlling my life- this obsession with being fit.  As good as I felt and as good as I looked, I knew at some point I would not be able to keep up this pace.  What I never expected was that when I stopped starving myself and working-out three hours a day, I would gain back every single pound I lost and then some.

I had corrective surgeries to remove excess skin and thought I'd never find myself in this place again.  Here I am.  A little less than ten years later my weight has skyrocketed to be forty-five pounds more than what it was before I had started dieting back then.  You CAN NOT imagine how defeating this it!  All that hard work, all that deprivation, and all that money to fix stretched out skin damaged from years of yo-yo dieting, is down the tubes.  Though I've had much bigger weight-losses in my life, I can't tell you how proud I am of the ten pounds I've lost this month.  I'm proud because I know I ate reasonably and exercised moderately to achieve this.  I've gained and lost weight more times that Oprah, yet I never give up!  This time I believe I'm gonna beat this once and for all.  Anyone who's ever lost a significant amount of weight knows how much you learn through that process.  Well imagine how much you learn when you've done it more than once!

I consider myself to be somewhat of an expert on the matter.  Addressing the insulin issue has been a big win for me because I don't think it's normal to have to spend that many hours working-out, just to maintain a healthy weight.  I can remember feeling the symptoms back then- the extreme sleepiness after I ate, despite having eaten nearly nothing.  Silly me, I thought the extreme carb cravings and the crash of energy was just the result of some hard workouts.  Now I know better.  Still, with all this knowledge and insight, the one single thought that wakes me up in the middle of the night is..."what if I go through all this again, only to fail again, and find myself gaining all the weight back plus fifty pounds more?!?"  I really do not want to spend my life this way.  Always working towards a goal but never long-term achieving it.  A constant state of deprivation.  What if I never even achieve the goal this time??

What I try to tell myself is that everything happens for a reason and perhaps we are meant to have do-overs until we learn the lessons we didn't absorb the first time.  I've done it before, so I have to believe that I can do it again.  I just pray that this time I can cross this goal off my "To-Do List" once and for all.  I will not give up until this mission is complete.

“Many of life's failure are men and women who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”- Thomas Edison

Making a list and checking it twice--- what the heck is in this???

Well, ladies and germs, it is I, returned from an extended trip to the great outdoors, aka the boonies...ever greatful for the fact that the great indoors has electricity and an abscense of dirt and bugs. And don't get me wrong, I love to fish, but fishing looses its appeal when watching preschoolers, baking in the sun and dealing with those oh-so fun touristy types and then traffic.

Anyway, I am dreading my Monday grocery trip. Every Monday, I pull out coupons and make my shopping list, trying to get everything that we will need for the week. In the last few weeks I am coming across the dilemma of getting what is healthy and affordable. It seems like all the things that are worst for you are the cheapest! White bread is about a dollar, while wheat breads start at 1.39. Enriched pasta starts at about a dollar, whole grain is $2.40. Regular milk is $2.38, while organic is $4.99. Lunch meat that is full of gelatin and fillers starts at $2.40-- deli meat is 6.99 a pound and up. Fruits and vegetables fresh are astronomical, even when buying "in season" items, I still spend at least $20-$30 every week. But it is necessary--- you put garbage in, you get garbage out. Reading some of these labels is giving me nightmares--- turn over a container of anything you eat that is "processed." You can't pronounce most of that stuff, much less know what it is! Or you have something that is advertised as having chicken in it, but chicken is like the tenth ingredient on the list.

There has got to be a better way! Or at least a happy medium between quality and expense.

I am thinking about looking up some co-op's in the area and seeing what they have to offer.

I also about killed myself on the stairs yesterday. I'm marching up and down a couple sets every day to build my endurance up slowly, and OMG! I got a toddler underfoot unexpectedly and we both wiped out! Getting healthy is dangerous. and to think I am actually toying with the idea of asking Santa for some rollerblades this year (Jennifer, that's the nice thing about Texas---sometimes we get 80 degree weather in the dead of winter, lol) to help with the cardio, but if I can't make it up and down my own stairs without incident, I am terrified to think what would happen when we throw WHEELS into the picture, and ask me to obtain a little balance and coordination to boot. YOWZA! Maybe a bicycle......

SCATTER MY ASHES AT THE CHEESECAKE FACTORY!

When I die I want my ashes scattered at the Cheesecake Factory.  You heard me!  Forget the ocean, haul my body bits to the kitchen of the greatest chain restaurant in the world!!  I had the most wonderful meal at the Cheesecake Factory yesterday.  If you haven't guessed, a visit here was at the tippy-top of my "Food List."  I have been holding out for this gratifying moment for the last three weeks and, as usual, The Factory did not disappoint!  I was a bad, bad, girl!  I had the Boston House Salad as a starter, followed by Steak Diane with Shrimp Scampi.  It was wonderful!!  The food is spot-on every time.

Where I live there are few choices for a good meal and I am not impressed with even the town favorites.  I'm generally not a fan of chain restaurants which often crank out ridiculously salty meals, but I make an exception for the Cheesecake Factory.  With over two-hundred menu items to chose from, its a food lover's dream!  Few places can offer such a large selection and serve so many different styles of cuisine well!  The Mexican dishes are wonderful.  The Thai entrees are good and the "comfort dishes" like Meatloaf and Sheppard's Pie are simply amazing!  The portions are quite large and the prices reasonable.  Considering all the tempting selections I could have succumb to (did I mention they serve Fried Macaroni And Cheese) I didn't do too bad.  I skipped the alcohol, declined the bread, tried to limit the carbs, and passed on dessert.  I also did an insane amount of walking following my meal.  I'm sure everything I ate was still plenty calorific, but even just having the will-power to skip dessert at this place is nothing shy of a miracle.  But like I've said before, "The Food List" is about an indulgence, not going on a mad, crazy, binge.  So my infomercial for The Cheesecake Factory has come to an end.  Thank you for your attention and happy eating!


“Well-behaved women rarely make history.” -anonymous

FOOOOOOD FIIIIIIGHT!

A musing on Thanksgiving....If I don't get to eat it, do I get to throw it? My job for our Thanksgiving meal is to bring the pies. ARGH! The Flying Saucer here in Houston has absolutely, positively the best pies you will ever eat and I am picking up a couple to take to Dallas. I have also decided that I am making a couple pumpkin pies from a healthy recipe.

This was borrowed from the KSBJ morning show page, courtesy of Catherine Kruppa:

Easy Pumpkin Pie

FILLING-
2 egg beaters (1/2 c.)
1 can (16 o) solid pack pumpkin
1/2 c Sugar + 3 packets of Sweet n Low
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp ground cloves
12 oz. can Pet Light evaporated skim milk
Fat Free Cool Whip

Graham Cracker Crust-
12 low fat cinnamon graham crackers
1 tbsp sugar + 1.5 packets Sweet n Low
2-3 tbsp Butter Buds (made from mix)

Preheat to 425. Mix filling in order listed. Mix together crust ingredients and press into pie pan, sprayed with non-fat cooking spray. Pour filling into crust and bake 10 minutes. Reduce heat to 350 and bake 40-45 more minutes.

2 pies, 16 servings. 118 calories, .4 G fat.

Did you know pecan pie has 680 caories in one slice???

So what I am seeing is that I don't necessarily need my straw helmet, but to make careful decisions. (and stay away from slices of Flying Saucer pie....)

I have been fighting food urges like crazy, as my busy life keeps its pace and I avoid buckling under the stress. I am coming to this crossroad where I have some serious financial decisions to make, that will ultimately make my schedule somewhat less harried. Change is hard. Especially for me. I don't like anything to do with it and it makes me panicky when going through it. I have been keeping carrots and yogurt as my back up snacks for when I need to have something sweet--or if I need to munch. Yogurt is just sweet enough to satisfy the urge, but not so much it trips a trigger, and its loaded with calcium. Carrots have that crunch and take a little bit of work to eat--- excellent for munchies.

My older son, bless him, told me yesterday.....MOMMY? I love your tummy, it so (squ)wishy. *sigh* I can't let my kiddos growing up thinking this much extra weight is good.

Tomorrow is Saturday, so we'll be walking around the block, kids in the wagon!

BREAKING THE ALL OR NOTHING HABIT!

I have some disturbing news.  I did not lose any weight this week.  Not one ounce!  In fact, when I hopped on the scale on "Weigh-in Tuesday," it read the exact same number as last Tuesday.  The old Jennifer would freak out and revert right back to bad habits, throwing her arms in the air and saying, "pffftt...I'm screwed no matter what I do!"  The new Jennifer, the less perfectionistic Jennifer, knows better.  Weight-loss is about finishing the race, not how fast you run it!  If I were to pinpoint one single concept that has held me back from success in almost every aspect of my life, it would be the "all or nothing" attitude; the idea that I have to do something perfectly all the time or I'd rather not do it at all.  I set such high standards for myself and those around me, that I often do not complete a task for fear of mediocrity.  I have re-started more diets than you can imagine due to what I perceive as, "failures in the execution," all along never coming to terms with the reality of the situation...had I just kept on going I would have reached my goal by now!  So I refuse to do that to myself again, nor will I punish myself for it.

I had a great week of exercise and diet, maybe not as perfect as my first week, and maybe not as fruitful, but fabulous none the less.  For me to have lost seven pounds in seven days was nothing less then spectacular, and to have maintained that loss for an additional week is even more spectacular.  I am going to finish this race!  I may not do everything perfect.  I may set goals that I miss or am slow to reach.  I may even take a step back once in awhile, but one thing is for sure, I am not stopping until I am back to a healthy, happy, satisfying weight!  What does no weight loss mean to me??  It means I'm going to work that much harder this week.  I don't know or understand everything that my body is going through right now.  What I do know is that it is busy making a lot of adjustments.  I'm going to continue to give my body what it needs to reach an enlightened homeostasis...and I'm going to write this damn blog every day until I reach it.


“Perfectionism is self-abuse of the highest order” -Anne Wilson Schaef

Diet Coke tastes bad---- WHAAAAAT???

The missing hath returneth......

So, I am on week 3 of one specific trigger purge---- Diet Coke---- well, anything "diet" really. I was at a point were I was drinking a two litre of it a day to get my caffiene kick and avoid feeling tired and head-achy. I drank diet coke like my two year old drinks milk. I gave it up for good old fashioned water, with a rare and occasional Crystal Lite packet added to it. We've gone through 6 24 packs of bottled water in that time frame. Anyway, I decided to have a small diet coke this morning on the way to work because my head was pounding something fierce, took one sip and

BLECHHHHHHHHHH

The little hamster that takes up residence on the wheel in my head started running really fast, he tripped and THUMP, THUMP, THUMP before flying out of the wheel into the cedar chips of my left brain with his teeth chattering. Then we spent about 15 minutes together twitching and trying to figure out what the "F" happened.

My body was craving water for it's pain, not the chemical concoction that makes up diet coke! At the next stop light, I poured it out the window. Monkey, be gone!

This revalation is extremely encouraging, because all the time I thought I needed it, and I was suffering, and poor me.... I should have slapped that hamster a long time ago. He's got another thing coming, that's for sure!

Overall, I feel pretty good. I got on the scale, and was somewhat disappointed that I am still at 260, just a 3 pound total loss, however I have to keep remembering that I am making small gradual habit changes. Small habit changes gradually---small weight loss gradually that should STAY off.

Now, I am gearing up my game plan for "T" day.....I'm going to have to go into this one with full gear on--- pads, helmet, cleats and a baseball bat.

I have been invited to THREE thanksgivings, God Bless them all. One with my brother in law, one with my mom, and one with my dad. All in a span of 5 days. The triple trifecta of not only a dieter's nightmare, but an emotional eater's nightmare filled with emotion causing family members. I swear I am going to have to put mittens on both hands and look all weird just to make it past the shmorgasboard of appetizers.

And my really tight pants so my belly gets all uncomfortable and smooshed so I can only eat two bites, and standing up at that.

So, cleats, tight jeans, protective padding, mittens and my copyrighted helmet with the straw. READY???? and break!

OH TERA, TERA, WHERE FOR ART THOU...???

MAKING SELF THE PRIORITY!

I am itching to talk about something that I think is beyond epidemic in this nation.  In fact, I have considered writing a book about it.  It is the notion that women can do it all!  I think it goes back to the 1980 Enjoli Commercial, "The eight hour perfume for the 24-hour woman."  Remember this?!? What a load of crap!  "I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let-chu for-get you're a man..."  Yeah, the whole time forgetting about yourself!  "I can work till five o' clock, come home and read you tickety-tok."

I think this may be the biggest lie we've been fed as Americans yet!  Here's my version, "I can work a man's hours, but be paid half as much, go home before starting my second job having had no time for lunch...cause I'm a woman...Enjoli...I can do housework until I'm beat, go to bed- wake up, having gotten no sleep...cause I'm a woman."  Trust me, I am all about equality.  I'd just like to see it manifest in a way that's actually beneficial to a woman.  What I think we have done is breed an entire race of women who are so busy "bringing home the bacon," partnering a spouse, raising children, and keeping house, that they have no time for themselves!  This would include, but is not limited to, eating properly and getting healthy doses of exercise beyond carrying laundry up and down the stairs.  I think the more we do, the more we're expected to do, and worse still, we're shamed if we stand up and say we don't want to do it and aren't going to do it!  Try telling someone these days that your profession is, "homemaker."  Or better yet, try telling people you've elected not to have children since you already work a full-time job.  Eh heh, they'll look at you like you have two heads!  It's just assumed that you'll do both.

Women naturally assume a lot of the responsibility when it comes to life and family.  I think we are just wired that way and men are fine with that.  Now don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful husband who does a lot, but I can continue to burden myself with responsibilities and I guarantee at no point is he going to come to me and say, 'honey, I really feel left out when I don't get to clean the bathroom...you get to clean the whole house- save something for me!"  Nope, never gonna hear that!  The biggest difference I've noticed between the sexes is that men are okay with what doesn't get done.  We as women are not okay with that.  Real conversation from the weekend...

ME: "Honey, your parents are coming over tonight and we still haven't cleaned up the downstairs or the bathroom."

HIM: "So."

I bring all this up not to ignite a spark of controversy with women's lib or the battle of the sexes, but so we as women can look at our choices and see how we continually remove ourselves from the "priority list," and how this decision is affecting our health.  I think it is great that I went to the doctor and am taking on this weight problem, but it is something I should have done a long time ago and probably would have never had to do, had I not removed myself from the priority list!  Believe me, there are few things that make me crazier than a dirty, disorganized, living space, but I have come to terms with the fact that in order for me to have success in this weight-loss endeavor, I have to stop looking for more time and use the time I have.  I must make myself a priority over the laundry, the meals, even the bills.  There are times when I am just going to have to accept that "such-and-such" didn't get done and like a man say, "so!"

Tera, I have said over and over again, I don't know how you do it.  But it's also not a gigantic surprise to me that your health is suffering.  You are going to have to learn to say "so" to certain things, and ask for help with other things, because as I've mentioned, few life partners are going to scream, "hey, save some work for me!"

“The myth that we must have “time” -more time- in order to create is a myth that keeps us from using the time we do have.  If we are forever yearning for “more,” we are forever discounting what is offered.  The obsession with time is really an obsession with perfection- we want enough time to do everything perfectly!” -Julia Cameron

HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM!

I am officially exhausted! It shouldn't be humanly possible that I have cleaned the living room 4 times today--- that's 4 wipe downs of the TV, 4 scrubbings of the coffee table, 4 spot-wipes on the couch, 4 toy round ups, 4 vacuumings. And that was all before nap time at 2 pm! Add to that making breakfast, a snack, lunch and 6 servings of juice. I got lucky and only did dishes twice, then I mopped the kitchen, the entry way and all three bathrooms. I got 7 loads of laundry sorted, a load started. I changed everyone's sheets, so adding 3 more loads onto the top of the washer. I fed the animals, then went on sippy cup round up upstairs. 4 juice cups and a milk-sippy cup gone cheese factory --blecchhh---picked up toys upstairs and scrubbed a toilet. Then I went to drop off a cake, pick up some milk and then home to cook dinner, break up two lively toddler fights, kiss some boo-boos and shoo the pantry bandits back into the living room. I serve dinner, referree a fight over a banana, clean up some banana and clear away the dishes. Then I clean up the kitchen, ponder cleaning out the fridge, but settle on bathing, dressing and snuggling with the boys. Then my 2 year old gets to bed once, twice, third time's the charm....and the psychological bedtime game starts with my 3 year old "mommy, your bed is much better" and by this time my nerves are frayed around the edges and he wins to kick me in the back and elbow me in the eye for another night. After I write this I get to iron a shirt that I will probably overstarch just to amuse myself. Now I sit here TRYING to remember what I have consumed today..........
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the only food I can remember from the day is that F-ing banana that I didn't even eat, and most of which is in the garbage or ground unmercifully into the living room rug (note to self for tomorrow...shampoo rug....)

HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM!

Now, one would think that with all this running around that I am doing, I would be a great deal thinner, however I am discovering that I am probably hoovering extra calories here and there without even thinking about it. I'm going to have to up the security level in my brain with new impulse firewalls; really pay attention to the nibbles! Either that or I will be fashioning a helmet with a straw bedazzled with the Slim Fast logo on it. HA.