I am itching to talk about something that I think is beyond epidemic in this nation. In fact, I have considered writing a book about it. It is the notion that women can do it all! I think it goes back to the 1980 Enjoli Commercial, "The eight hour perfume for the 24-hour woman." Remember this?!? What a load of crap! "I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let-chu for-get you're a man..." Yeah, the whole time forgetting about yourself! "I can work till five o' clock, come home and read you tickety-tok."
I think this may be the biggest lie we've been fed as Americans yet! Here's my version, "I can work a man's hours, but be paid half as much, go home before starting my second job having had no time for lunch...cause I'm a woman...Enjoli...I can do housework until I'm beat, go to bed- wake up, having gotten no sleep...cause I'm a woman." Trust me, I am all about equality. I'd just like to see it manifest in a way that's actually beneficial to a woman. What I think we have done is breed an entire race of women who are so busy "bringing home the bacon," partnering a spouse, raising children, and keeping house, that they have no time for themselves! This would include, but is not limited to, eating properly and getting healthy doses of exercise beyond carrying laundry up and down the stairs. I think the more we do, the more we're expected to do, and worse still, we're shamed if we stand up and say we don't want to do it and aren't going to do it! Try telling someone these days that your profession is, "homemaker." Or better yet, try telling people you've elected not to have children since you already work a full-time job. Eh heh, they'll look at you like you have two heads! It's just assumed that you'll do both.
Women naturally assume a lot of the responsibility when it comes to life and family. I think we are just wired that way and men are fine with that. Now don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful husband who does a lot, but I can continue to burden myself with responsibilities and I guarantee at no point is he going to come to me and say, 'honey, I really feel left out when I don't get to clean the bathroom...you get to clean the whole house- save something for me!" Nope, never gonna hear that! The biggest difference I've noticed between the sexes is that men are okay with what doesn't get done. We as women are not okay with that. Real conversation from the weekend...
ME: "Honey, your parents are coming over tonight and we still haven't cleaned up the downstairs or the bathroom."
HIM: "So."
I bring all this up not to ignite a spark of controversy with women's lib or the battle of the sexes, but so we as women can look at our choices and see how we continually remove ourselves from the "priority list," and how this decision is affecting our health. I think it is great that I went to the doctor and am taking on this weight problem, but it is something I should have done a long time ago and probably would have never had to do, had I not removed myself from the priority list! Believe me, there are few things that make me crazier than a dirty, disorganized, living space, but I have come to terms with the fact that in order for me to have success in this weight-loss endeavor, I have to stop looking for more time and use the time I have. I must make myself a priority over the laundry, the meals, even the bills. There are times when I am just going to have to accept that "such-and-such" didn't get done and like a man say, "so!"
Tera, I have said over and over again, I don't know how you do it. But it's also not a gigantic surprise to me that your health is suffering. You are going to have to learn to say "so" to certain things, and ask for help with other things, because as I've mentioned, few life partners are going to scream, "hey, save some work for me!"
“The myth that we must have “time” -more time- in order to create is a myth that keeps us from using the time we do have. If we are forever yearning for “more,” we are forever discounting what is offered. The obsession with time is really an obsession with perfection- we want enough time to do everything perfectly!” -Julia Cameron
I think this may be the biggest lie we've been fed as Americans yet! Here's my version, "I can work a man's hours, but be paid half as much, go home before starting my second job having had no time for lunch...cause I'm a woman...Enjoli...I can do housework until I'm beat, go to bed- wake up, having gotten no sleep...cause I'm a woman." Trust me, I am all about equality. I'd just like to see it manifest in a way that's actually beneficial to a woman. What I think we have done is breed an entire race of women who are so busy "bringing home the bacon," partnering a spouse, raising children, and keeping house, that they have no time for themselves! This would include, but is not limited to, eating properly and getting healthy doses of exercise beyond carrying laundry up and down the stairs. I think the more we do, the more we're expected to do, and worse still, we're shamed if we stand up and say we don't want to do it and aren't going to do it! Try telling someone these days that your profession is, "homemaker." Or better yet, try telling people you've elected not to have children since you already work a full-time job. Eh heh, they'll look at you like you have two heads! It's just assumed that you'll do both.
Women naturally assume a lot of the responsibility when it comes to life and family. I think we are just wired that way and men are fine with that. Now don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful husband who does a lot, but I can continue to burden myself with responsibilities and I guarantee at no point is he going to come to me and say, 'honey, I really feel left out when I don't get to clean the bathroom...you get to clean the whole house- save something for me!" Nope, never gonna hear that! The biggest difference I've noticed between the sexes is that men are okay with what doesn't get done. We as women are not okay with that. Real conversation from the weekend...
ME: "Honey, your parents are coming over tonight and we still haven't cleaned up the downstairs or the bathroom."
HIM: "So."
I bring all this up not to ignite a spark of controversy with women's lib or the battle of the sexes, but so we as women can look at our choices and see how we continually remove ourselves from the "priority list," and how this decision is affecting our health. I think it is great that I went to the doctor and am taking on this weight problem, but it is something I should have done a long time ago and probably would have never had to do, had I not removed myself from the priority list! Believe me, there are few things that make me crazier than a dirty, disorganized, living space, but I have come to terms with the fact that in order for me to have success in this weight-loss endeavor, I have to stop looking for more time and use the time I have. I must make myself a priority over the laundry, the meals, even the bills. There are times when I am just going to have to accept that "such-and-such" didn't get done and like a man say, "so!"
Tera, I have said over and over again, I don't know how you do it. But it's also not a gigantic surprise to me that your health is suffering. You are going to have to learn to say "so" to certain things, and ask for help with other things, because as I've mentioned, few life partners are going to scream, "hey, save some work for me!"
“The myth that we must have “time” -more time- in order to create is a myth that keeps us from using the time we do have. If we are forever yearning for “more,” we are forever discounting what is offered. The obsession with time is really an obsession with perfection- we want enough time to do everything perfectly!” -Julia Cameron
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