Whoa, Tilly!

Jennifer....I had no idea what box of mac n cheese I was opening there, LOL. But you're absolutely right! I am finding that a lot of foods that I prefer to eat are foods that I remember from being a kid growing up.

I can remember the first time I tasted Hershey's chocolate syrup....does anyone remember it when it was in a little 3 or 4 inch tall can? You'd pull off the yellow lid and then poke two holes in the top, one to vent and one to pour. I remember my mom making vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup for me for the first time. She poured the syrup, then let me put my little finger into the drizzle left on the lip of the can so I could taste it. I can remember it exactly like it happened this morning! I mean, I think I actually saw stars!

I also love home-made pizza. We used to have Friday night pizza, where my family would make it together then sit down all together to watch TV. I think I've linked pizza with happy family moments.... I think that's why some of these foods are so hard to break away from. It literally feels sometimes like you're ostracizing happy memories. *sigh* At least I think that's what I mean. Breaking down into the core of this food abuse is much more complicated than I ever could have imagined, and I think that I am learning more about myelf than I have ever realized was there..

Then, there's also some not so good food memories. I remember being 5 or 6 sitting at our dinner table and not being hungry; my dad was very angry with me that I was not eating my food. I had to sit there until I was done; it felt like hours. I could feel his irritation and disappointment, so I remember saying that I would go get my jump rope and use it as a seatbelt so that I wouldn't get up until I was done. He said that I shouldn't do that, but I should just finish. Over the course of time, I learned to eat everything on my plate and turn off "WHOA, TILLY, slow down.... reek-reek-reek, she's going to blow!! alarm.

Every little kid has the need and desire to please their parents. That is what I was trying to do. I can't blame my dad either. As a parent myself now, I can see his perspective-- he worked all day long to provide for us, and not eating must have seemed like an insult or unappreciation. I even caught myself feeling this way with my sons when they won't touch their dinner--- well, gee, does it taste bad? I spent all that time cooking.... I'm tired, I could have just made sandwiches.... I PAID for that food.... It has made me a wiser parent, and a wiser child myself.

So now, here I am trying to correct my problem before my kids suffer from my bad habits and before I stroke out on pizza, mac and cheese and brownies. Its tough with the kiddos. For those of you still kind enough to be following along, I work full time, have a part time cake business, have two kids, three cats, a house, husband and a dog. I get up at 6 am, drive 30 minutes to drop my kids off at grandmas, drive an hour to work, work nine hours, get off, drive an hour to grandma's house, pick up the kids, then 30 minutes home. When I get home it's the toddler roller derby, trying to play with, feed, bathe, snuggle, dress and bed the kiddos by 9 or ten. Then I usually have a cake to work on, or something to do with cakes, OR housework-- vacuuming, dishes, sweeping, laundry, litter box......then I shower quick and go to bed, getting up with the kids as they are up and down all night. Then, 6am again...... AAAAHHHHHH!!!

A mother's work is never finished... loosing weight is not an option, but rather a necessity just to keep up. = )