WAITING ON TEST RESULTS...

If receiving the news about my weight wasn't horrific enough, now I am waiting on test results.  I went to the doctor for the first time in years to get some blood work done.  Tests were ordered to see if I have a thyroid condition, an insulin issue, Diabetes, high cholesterol, or anything going on hormonally.  Let me tell you, it is absolutely petrifying to be me right now, especially knowing that my weight has automatically put me at risk for some, if not all, of these conditions.  My blood pressure appears to be normal.  Now I am waiting to see if my other results are normal also.  There's an interesting dynamic to my fears.  Part of me is praying that everything is normal, as who wouldn't want a clean bill of health, yet part of me is looking for some answers, an explanation if you will, as to how I got to be this size?!  My worst nightmare is that my neglect has caused me to develop a condition such as Diabetes.  Last I heard, one in three people have it.  Did I really get here all by myself or has my determined nature and no nonsense approach allowed me to accept full responsibility for a state of health I didn't earn all on my own!?  I guess I will soon find out.  Again, you can't change what you don't acknowledge.  If I have pushed my health into the danger zone, then I need to know exactly what it is I am dealing with.  If I'm going to win this battle it is important that I know what I am at war with!  Is it just the Twinkies, or do I now have to take up battle with some physical factors too?  My hedonistic side would have me continue as I am, but the very faithful and grateful side says...if I am lucky enough to get a clean bill of health, I will never, ever, put myself at risk for these things again!  Here's to hopin' the faithful side wins out!