THE PRIMAL CONCLUSION

FOOD FOR THOUGHT...

Over the past century of rapid technological progress, we've figured out how to manufacture and package food and mass-produce animals, producing huge profits without regard to the health, humane, or green consequences.  Our government's laws, subsidies, and diet education efforts are seemingly driven more by lobbyists for the beef, grain, and dairy industries than by unbiased scientific evaluation and concern for human health.  It's unsettling how much decision making power is controlled by corporations that spend billions of marketing dollars molding and shaping conventional dietary wisdom in the direction of profits with little regard for health.  Wisdom about grains is being battled by billions of dollars in corporate and government propaganda pushing us to conform to dietary habits that we are not suited for, do not nourish us, and are downright destructive to human health.  

Stepping back for a moment to grab a wide-angle view of the wide angles in the buffet line at a Vegas casino, it's evident how ridiculously out of control this situation has become.  Americans look like one giant yard of fattened cattle ready for slaughter, complete with a significant percentage of 'downers' (a term for sick cattle that can't stand up; they are dragged with forklifts to slaughter)  If you are an "above-average" American family, you can congratulate yourselves while remembering that "average" is actually borderline obese (64% of American adults are classified as overweight, of which one-third are classified as obese)  America is heading steadily down the pop charts while larger, hungrier, more strategically minded societies such as China and India will soon surpass our economy.  Poor investment in education and technology in favor of billions spent on military are some key reasons for our impending downfall.  Imagine if the money recently spent on bank bailouts had been channeled into diet, fitness, and health education.  

Career men in their 40s and 50s take prescriptions left and right, families frequently feel that life is too hectic and stressful to align with the broad definition of health, and teenagers often feel overpressured and disconnected from parents.  Today's kids have too much body fat and too little physical fitness.  We eat too much beige stuff and not enough green stuff.  We avoid exercise and sit at desks all day staring at a screen in the name of increased productivity.  We go home at night and stare at a bigger screen in the name of relaxation.  We stay up too late and then awaken to the stressful screech of an alarm clock.  We are stressed by bills, traffic, air, noise, digital pollution, the future, and all kinds of anxiety we manufacture in our restless minds.  Our first line of defense when our genes react by these lifestyle habits is prescription drugs.  

While you can clearly discern my passion throughout this book for a more Primal way of life, I don't wish to be judgmental and assert that there is a right or wrong way of life for you.  If you are drawn to a life of inactivity, big-screen TV's, lavish desserts, and microwaveable meals, we can still be friends.  While I have dedicated my career to promoting health and being a motivational force in people's lives, I want to temper my enthusiastic message with the understanding that I'm simply presenting you a specific blueprint of choices and explaining the benefits of choosing them or the possible ramifications of disregarding them.

-Mark Sisson 

For more information on Mark Sisson, please visit his website at Marksdailyapple.com

"When you see the Golden Arches, you are probably on your way to the pearly gates." -William Castelli

AND here they are....

Gosh I wish these were pictures of flowers. I hope you read my disclaimer!

I will have some better ones next month, I will have the husband take some, but for now you've got some very Sahara-esque fleshy landscapes.

I have to hunt down a seamstress's tape measure now.

PRIMAL PART DEUX

Having studied the "Primal Laws" and absorbing some wisdom from Mark Sisson, I walked away from this book with several "a-ha moments."  The first and most profound for me is the simplest of all concepts.  Are you ready...?

Corn is not a vegetable, it is a grain!

I knew that, I just forgot.  All this hatred I have for High-Fructose Corn Syrup and all the corn by-products in the processed foods, and the corn-fed cattle that is supposed to be grazing on grass, and corn being the first ingredient in our beloved pet's food, and corn, and corn, and more corn.  It suddenly all makes sense why I should be so concerned that Americans who were tested by hair follicle showed a  make-up of 69% corn, whereas are European counterparts, who eat fewer processed foods and have banned the use of HFCS, tested at only 5%.  Because corn is a grain!  If it were a vegetable, there wouldn't really be much wrong with that now would there be?!  But if grains are what are causing the rise in insulin production, Diabetes, and other related health issues as Mark claims, well it sure makes a lot of f*ckin' sense now why Americans have such a high instance of Metabolic Syndrome and Diabetes as compared to other industrialized nations.

It's like having all the pieces of a puzzle and you know they somehow all fit together, but you can't quite make out the picture.  You see how doing that sea shell puzzle is helping my reasoning...LOL
Believe me, I have plenty more to say about America's dependence on corn but I will save that for a future post.

I would say my next biggest breakthrough concerns the origin of my insulin problem.  As I've mentioned before, I have yo-yo dieted nearly my entire life.  I have been on a diet of some sort from as early as eleven years old, quite possibly age ten.  I've been trying to figure out at exactly what age, and at what point, did my dependence on carbohydrates become so strong?  Thanks to Mark, I pin-pointed the time- frame precisely!  For years I grew up on bacon and eggs, meatloaf and gravy, steaks on the grill with mushrooms and onions and a baked potato, roast beef dinners, barbecue, chef salads with turkey and hard-boiled egg.  My mom would make kettles of vegetable soup with a chunk of meat in the center that would feed a lion in the wild.  Looking back on that time and having some renewed insight, I really don't think what we were eating was that bad.  If I had a few extra pounds on me it was for one simple reason- an adult-sized portion fed to a child.

Then something happened about a year or two after I finished high-school.  I was going to school full-time and working full-time and was just beginning to slim out from my pudgy teenage years.  The low-fat, high-carb diet came on the market and made every one of us feel like fat, wolf-eating, saturated-fat, mongers.  Suddenly a dinner of roast beef and gravy was being replaced with bow-tie pasta in a light tomato cream sauce.  Go ahead, have some bread, but remember to use margarine and not butter!  The egg at breakfast time was almost completely eliminated.  People were pouring out giant bowls of cereal in the name of low-fat and high-fiber!  Suddenly pizza was a health food!  Do you remember how many "authorities" came on TV to tell you that as long as you skipped the pepperoni you could have as many slices as you'd like?  And I did!  Suddenly low-fat snacks were all the rage.  Goldfish weren't just for old people anymore!  Remember melba toast and bagel chips?!  Bagels suddenly became a "healthy" breakfast choice.  Try using cream cheese instead of butter though!  O-KAY...You got to be kidding me!  This is probably why I refuse to follow a diet plan to this day!  I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is the day my carb addiction began and I've been losing the battle ever since!  Prior to this phase, I never even heard of a bagel!

Mark says that the push of low-fat diets has produced a high-carb intake.  People have given up meats, eggs, fish, and natural fats in lieu of grains, cereals, pasta, breads, and low-cal snacks.  They've also traded natural fats for "franken-fats" like hydrogenated and other trans-fats.  I can tell you with one-hundred percent certainty that I was better off eating bacon and eggs.  It may  have been a good idea for me to switch to a hormone free/nitrite free turkey-bacon instead of Oscar Meyer, but it was certainly a better choice than Wheaties.  Carbohydrates control insulin and insulin controls fat storage.  Simple as that!

The next biggest breakthrough has me questioning my workout routine.  It really struck a chord with me when Mark said...

While exercise moderates the insulin response, burning lots of calories through chronic cardio and then eating lots of carbs will simply make you carb dependent for energy.  Your body will overcompensate by tempting you to eat slightly more than you need to refill the tank as if it's thinking, "what if this clown decides to do this again tomorrow! I better be ready!"  Bottom line, you will not lose fat effectively with exercise driven weight loss, nor will you maintain fat loss, unless your eating habits moderate insulin production.  The minute the exercise stops, the eating often continues and the weight comes back!

TALK ABOUT AN "A-HA MOMENT!"  AMEN MARK!  AMEN!

I will finish up the conclusion to the Primal Blueprint on my next post.  Here's another fabulous quote straight from the pages of Mark Sisson's book.

"When it comes to eating right and exercising there is no 'I'll start tomorrow.'  Tomorrow is disease." -V.L. Allineare 

THE PRIMAL BLUEPRINT

I finished reading The Primal Blueprint by Mark Sisson.  Upon being diagnosed with Insulin Resistance, The Paleo Diet (very similar in concept) was recommended to me by one of our readers.  Both books were on my Christmas list and I promised to compare and contrast both plans in this blog.  For those unfamiliar, a primal or paleo style of eating, often referred to as "The Caveman Diet," is one free of, or greatly limiting, grains, sugars, and processed foods- the nemesis of anyone suffering from an insulin problem.

The basic premise is to eat foods that were only available during the Paleolithic era, thus before the introduction of agriculture and industry.  The belief is that our bodies are designed to eat foods that exist in nature and are not genetically designed to eat modified foods.  These days, modified foods can include everything from produce to pigs.  Foods are modified to produce more "appealing" characteristics like a redder tomato that ripens without softening, a pig that contains omega-3 fatty acids, or a sugar substitute that is free of calories and cheap to produce.  If you study GMF's you will observe that there is rarely a reason outside of profit for doing this.  Any "good" reason is certainly trumped by the dangerous affects of having made these genetic changes.

The severe shift in human diet of going from eating whole, natural, foods to modified, processed, foods is believed by many to be responsible for diseases like obesity, heart disease, Diabetes, and Cancer.  Both books share similar ideals with some minor differences.  I chose to read The Primal Blueprint first, because the author embraces not just the eating style of cavemen, but rather an entire lifestyle centered around our early species development.  He highlights just how far we've drifted from the lifestyle we as a species were designed to live.  I discovered early on that his mindset aligns with much of my thinking which prompted me to read this book first.

Mark has written this book to center around ten primal laws.  They are as follows:

1.) Eat lots of plants and animals
2.) Avoid poisonous things
3.) Move frequently at a slow pace
4.) Lift heavy things
5.) Sprint once in awhile
6.) Get adequate sleep
7.) Play
8.) Get adequate sunlight
9.) Avoid stupid mistakes
10.) Use your brain

Let me break the laws down as best I can, starting with "eat lots of plants and animals."  Mark encourages a high protein, low carbohydrate diet.  What makes his philosophy different from other popular protein-based diets like Atkins, is that he is not encouraging a completely carb free diet, nor does he support the elimination of many body healing fruits and vegetables simply because they have a sugar affect.  Instead, he encourages you to eat as many fruits and vegetables as you can, while avoiding things like bread, pasta, rice, cereal, crackers, wheat flour, baked goods, corn, sugar, soda, and processed snacks.  He distinguishes between proteins like wild venison and grass fed beef, versus heavily processed, nitrite-infused bacon and corn-fed beef.

Law number two says to "avoid poisonous things."  This primal rule is pretty self explanatory.  Mark encourages staying clear of heavily processed and preserved foods, as well as, chemically altered fats and sugars and of course, GMF's.

"Move frequently at a slow pace."  I found his take on exercise to be very interesting.  He argues that most Americans live either a completely sedentary lifestyle, or conduct workouts that are too stressful and taxing on the body.  He says, put down the remote control and get outside to do some walking, hiking, swimming, and all-around playtime, and skip the regimented, chronic, high-intensity cardio that is inspiring too high an appetite for carbs, repetitive injuries, and a constant trigger of your body's fight or flight response.  This one made me pause for a minute and go...hmmm....

"Lift heavy things" is based on the idea that cavemen would often have spontaneous bursts of intense physical effort like climbing rocks, escaping a predator, hunting, and carrying firewood or a heavy animal carcass.  Mark recommends short sessions of total-body movements like squatting, lunging, pull-ups, push-ups, rock climbing, as opposed to long, repetitive, sessions spent indoors on weight machines.

"Sprint once in awhile."  Try short, quick, bursts of running on grass, the beach, uphill, etc. when energy levels are high.  Mark encourages some time spent doing this barefoot to help develop foot, ankle, and leg strength citing the constant reliance on athletic footwear has a cause for weaknesses in the feet which eventually leads to foot, heal, and arch problems.  He also recommends plyometric drills or biking intervals if sprinting is not an option for you.

Law six is epidemic for most Americans.  Too little sleep, restless sleep, and the dependence on artificial sleep aides is robbing individuals of good health and well-being and affecting public welfare in the way of stress related diseases and increased occurrence of auto accidents.  Mark recommends getting more hours of sleep including taking a daily nap, making diet and exercise changes to encourage more restful sleep, and also creating an environment in your bedroom that is conducive to sleep.  He recommends a departure from digital entertainment that can be counterproductive to calm, relaxing, transitions into sleep.

When is the last time you goofed off?  If you are anything like me you pride yourself on your ability to multi-task, but is doing four or five things simultaneously really conducive to good health??  Is going at a one hundred mile an hour pace, seven days a week, really what's best for your mental, physical, and spiritual well-being??  My husband would ask me to watch a movie on a Sunday afternoon and it would be nine at night before I finally settled down to devote two hours to something for pleasure.  Even then, I was "watching" the movie, but had one ear perched to hear the oven timer, the other perched to hear the dryer buzzer, and my hands folding wash.  I just couldn't justify two hours of doing nothing when all these things needed to be done.  How sad.  At one point, frustrated with the number of times he'd been asked to pause the film so I could move clothes from the washer to the dryer he said, "can't you just be?!"  We need to get outdoors, exercise, play with our kids, and have some unstructured fun.  Number seven law, play more.

I think we've all recently heard about the health affects of not enough Vitamin-D, but did you know a lack of being outdoors in natural sunlight can also negatively affect your eye sight, mood, and interpersonal relationships?  Let's face it, it's just not normal to be indoors all the time.  Early man ate, slept, hunted, worked, played, and lived outside.  Now we go from our house, to our car, to our office, back to our car, and home again, day after day, sometimes without being in daylight for more than five minutes.  Number eight, get adequate sunlight!

Lastly, nine and ten say to avoid stupid mistakes and use your brain.  Well that means just what it says.  Our ancestors were reliant on their keen senses to keep them alive.  One lapse in judgment and they could fall down a ravine to their death or become a wild animal's dinner.  Now, have you ever noticed how oblivious people are to their surroundings?!  They don't have a clue what's going on around them!  It's a pet-peeve of mine and something I've been complaining about long before reading this.  Most people couldn't identify a suspect if their life depended on it.  Why?  Because they got their head buried in a Blackberry, their busy chatting on the phone, or just so lost in thought that they are not even present.  For example, our local celebrity fell face first into a giant fountain at the mall because she was busy texting on her phone.  Really!?  Sorry, but I am not interested in being a victim of a crime, an auto accident, or any other avoidable misfortune simply because I have my head up my ass.  Nope!  My brother and I (scarily similar) often joke about how few people could find their way out of a burning building because they don't have the aptitude, the speed, or the awareness to even know "hey, I smell smoke!"  You don't want to know how many times I have pushed my husband out of a store, or have left a public event, because I have sensed impending danger or have observed an unsavory character about to do something I don't want to be apart of.  People, learn to avoid stupid mistakes!

Tune in next time for part two of my review of The Primal Blueprint.  'Till then I will leave you with a quote from the author himself ...


"I am increasingly disturbed by the seemingly inexorable drift farther and farther away from natural, healthy, evolutionary behavior." -Mark Sisson

Pre-Disclaimer

I will post my pictures tonight, as my camera battery was dead yesterday evening and had to be put on the charger.
I am going to apply a pre-disclaimer...just so you know what you're getting into.
The images you are about to see may be too intense for some viewers; both younger and older audiences highly cautioned. Viewing side effects may include but are not limited to startling, gasping, nervous giggling, involuntary eye-twitch in one or both eyes, stomach ache, gastric reflux, gagging, vomiting, dizziness, obsessive-compulsive urges to check one's self in the mirror, staring into space, hysterical blindness, or spontaneously sh*tting one's pants. Accidental viewing may additionally cause heart palpitations, chest pain, cold sweat, and muscle tremors followed by loss of consciousness.

So prepare yourself folks, it ain't gonna be pretty!

FAT AND BLOATED

I acknowledge your sinus infection Tera and raise you one gastrointestinal condition!  The last couple of days have been interesting to say the least.  I am not one who generally has trouble in this area, well at least not in the way I am about to describe.  When I do have "bathroom issues" it tends to consist of me running to the commode clenching my cheeks (and I don't mean my face) as a hurricane of waste exits my body.  I acknowledge that this is not great dinner conversation and has definitely crossed into the "too much information" zone, but bare with me for a moment.

The last two days I have felt bloated with abdominal pressure and no bathroom relief in sight.  If you are fat there is no worse feeling because you already feel like a balloon on feet without adding thirty pounds of pressure to the mix.  It was horrible!  I felt like when I sat down my stomach blinded my viewing path.  It was uncomfortable to stand, uncomfortable to sit, and uncomfortable to move.  I had never really experienced this before because I rarely leave my body any choice.  When you stuff food in your face at the speed of light your body often has no choice but to release things.  Today was different.  I kept envisioning someone blowing up a balloon (maybe Tera), tying it off at the end, dressing it in doll clothing, and writing "Jennifer" on it with a Sharpie before tightening 'Santa's belt' around the waist.  Sorta like a big inflatable voodoo doll but instead of pushing pins into it (which would actually bring me some relief) Tera just leans back with a pin in her hand cackling..."ah ha ha ha!"  I guess I should have thought more carefully before writing the last blog entry :-)~

This experience literally rendered me useless for a day and a half.  The good news is I hardly ate for fear of explosion.  The bad news is, I barely moved.  While I'm sure walking, going to the gym, or any kind of exercise would have helped the situation, it was simply too uncomfortable to move.  Then because it continued overnight and into the next day, I began to panic.  My thoughts started to get the best of me..."what if it's not what I think it is?"  "What if it's my appendix?"  "My ovaries?" "My kidneys?"  Yes folks, I was naming organs left and right despite the fact that I new the origin of the discomfort did not jive with any of those things.  I took some Milk of Magnesia (against better judgment) and it provided me absolutely no relief.  Way to go Pharmaceuticals, keep up the good work!

Eventually the feeling subsided and I returned to a normal size which is still a balloon, but smaller than say a "hot-air" balloon.  I'm not sure what caused this.  I can't really say anything was out of the norm in my diet.  I realize that I am eating a lot more plant fiber and a lot less carbs, but I have been doing that for over three months.  So why the discomfort now?  One of the many side effects of my medication is constipation, but then in the name of great medicine, so is diarrhea, cramps, passing a monkey...so who can tell?  I'm just glad it's over!

On a small, rather unrelated note, I must tell you about my flowers.  They are miracle pedals!  These have to be the best flowers I have ever purchased.  I have had them for eleven days and there is absolutely no change in their condition.  It's like they're frozen in time!  They have started to open but I would have half expected Tulip petals to be all over the floor of my office by now.  See what happens when you give a gift to yourself!  Not bad for thirty bucks!  I didn't even change the water!  I do talk to them.  Funny, I can kill a houseplant in twenty-four months or less, but flowers I can do!  I am done with florists!  I don't know what they're doing lately but my days of ordering eighty dollar arrangements that show up looking like they've been to Saigon and back and die in four days is over!  I always try to support local small business but enough is enough!  Go to your wholesale club and have them bring you some from the back.  Think I'm kidding, check 'em out...

"No matter who you are, no matter what you do, you absolutely, positively do have the power to change." - Bill Phillips

  

Up the Ante!

I have been under the weather with the WORST sinus headache ever. It feels like my head is stuffed with cotton and I can't breathe. But I am pushing through and trying to feel somewhat human.

LOL, Jennifer, I see your ante and I call! ; ) I will post weight and pictures tonight or tomorrow. The weight will be the one I had done last week at the clinic for my DOT physical for work, because my two darling little troublemakeers broke my house scale and I need to go buy a new one. I don't know what they did, but all I know is I about passed out when I stepped on it and weighed EXACTLY half of what I expected. (was fooled for one brief, glorious, sparkling moment...)Diagnosis = a broken spring inside. I have to purchase another scale. Boo. So now, I raise you measurements AND visiting the doctor to get your meds adjusted. They aren't going to do any good if your body has adjusted to the initial dosage and your insulin production is still high. If it makes you feel better, I will be going to the doctor on Monday. I am 99% certain that I am having symptoms of PCOS returning, a sign of insulin resistance. Which means I too will be on the prescription pony. BLAH.
I am still on the yogurting experimentation path. I am on batch number 4, and I think I may have it narrowed down to correct texture. I have been 'brewing' 2% milk for 8 hours at 110 degrees, pouring off the excess liquid, stirring, cooling for 4 hours, then spooning it into cheesecloth to drain some more (greek method.) If this batch turns out well, texture wise, I am going to start experimenting with natural sweeteners-- evaporated cane juice sugar/honey/stevia and fruit. My kids have been testing the product = )
I got a good workout the other day pulling weeds that have started to grow in my dead grass. It was 2 hours of intensive digging and pulling. The back of my legs are still feebly protesting, but not in a bad way....kind of a 'we need more of this' way. I have also reconciled my differences with the Ellie, my elliptical. I figured I'd name her since we'll be spending so much time together. = )
Stay tuned for visuals on the beast I am fighting !

SLOWLY BUT SURELY

I weighed myself over the weekend.  I lost five pounds this week.  The three pounds that I gained over my sick time plus two more.  So technically, I lost two more pounds pushing me happily from the 290's into the 260's.  I realize it is an early announcement since "Weigh-in Tuesday" is not until tomorrow, but better a day early than my usual day late.  It's still only twenty-one pounds but I'm hoping for some more progress again this week.

I don't know Tera I sorta have to call you out on some of your crap.  I have felt like I've been run over by the Boston Marathoners for years now.  First because of being horribly overweight, out of shape, and undernourished (by healthy food I mean) and now because I have spent the last three and a half months trying to do something about it!  So best thing I can say to you is, "suck it up!"  Maybe the dog is trying to tell you something, "hurry up and catch Jennifer!"  God knows it won't be hard!  All you have to do is lose more than 1.3 pounds a week and you are there my friend!  It's not like I have been a steam train of weight loss here.  But I am hoping that's about to change.  I think it's time I lay down the gauntlet.  After all, we are supposed to be challenging one another and inspiring one another to success.  When I hear you haven't even been on the scale yet I scream, "not serious!"

I know we have different methods and different goals here and that's okay, but I also want to be sure that you haven't selected a path to failure.  Believe me, I've been on that road many times.  I am happy that you have been doing entries regularly again.  That's awesome!  I appreciate it and hope that the audience does too.  I am also proud of you for the exercise.  The Elliptical machine will certainly give you a great burn.  But I need something here, if not pounds, measurements, photos, somethin'- gurl!  I am also wondering if you have told your husband yet?  Your friends, family, co-workers...anyone?  I don't see any followers listed at the bottom who aren't mine!  I realize you got off to a slow start and had a bit of a setback with the surgery and all, but it's time to get the tank fueled up and ready to motor over some more pizza boxes!  That last bit was meant for both of us!

Okay, I'm done with the lecture.  You sure don't need one from Two-Ton Tilly.  I just want to be sure that slowly but surely, doesn't become fairly but barely.

“Commit to be fit."  -Author Unknown

Mediiiic, MEHDIC!

I feel like I have been run over by the entire entry roster of the Boston Marathon. Blah. I had to be Ms Gung Ho and go too long and fast on that elliptical. I got on and was chugging along, since it's low impact I guess I didn't feel it right away. Anyway, I went to bed after my workout and went to sleep. When I woke up in the morning and I tried to put my feet on the floor, I realized that my upper body was moving, but the lower half was still in place, screaming in abject protest. End result?

I faceplanted into the carpet, azz-over-applecart style, ankle over armpit.

So now not only am I fat and hungry, but I have rug burn on my forehead and a gimp limp.

Niiiice.

My second discovery in all of this is that the dog barks at me when I am on the elliptical. EVEN if I put her outside. Somehow she still knows.

All complaining aside, I AM starting to loose weight. I know this because the first spot to loose the weight is beginning to deflate. Which means I may be bra shopping very soon. My tummy fat is also starting to soften instead of being rock hard. I have decided that I am not getting on a scale until the end of february. Hopefully I will have a two digit number to look at.

LAUGHTER IS GOOD FOR THE SOUL...

and the diet!  We had a great time yesterday at the Lisa Lampanelli comedy show.  She was freakin' hilarious as always.  It was a beautiful backdrop.  The theater was gorgeous.  We had seats in the balcony.  Not the best seats, but still a great vantage point.  Great crowd.  I had my husband on the right and a great group of young men on my left.  Really charming and polite.  Everyone was in high spirits.  Funny how such a raunchy comedian attracts such an upbeat and well-behaved crowd.  I guess liberal people have the best sense of humor and, therefore, are the most fun to be around.  She recently married and so she brought her husband on stage and her dog and did a string of jokes about marrying into and Italian family.  With a husband named Dario, let's just say I can relate.

She hung around for pictures and autographs and was quite personable.  She had a much "softer" and more relaxed presence on stage than what you often see in her HBO specials and Comedy Central Roasts.  The evening was perfect- still in the sixties at nightfall. This was a perfect cure for the winter doldrums.  I must say my mind was completely transported from thinking about food and exercise to just a relaxed bliss.  I highly recommend you take in a comedy show this winter.

As for the rest of my "Winter Contingency Plan," I did complete a puzzle last week.  Even just working on a few pieces while I watch a TV program has been enough to keep my hands out of the popcorn bag.  There was just one minor setback...

Do you see it?  Take a closer look...

Yes, that would be a missing piece!  All that time and effort and I am missing a piece!  My father-in-law remains the primary suspect since on his last visit he threatened to steal a few pieces and mail them back to me one at a time!

"The only honest art form is laughter" -Lenny Bruce

REPEAT AFTER ME

  "I WILL NEVER GET THIS FAT AGAIN!"   

"I WILL NEVER GET THIS FAT AGAIN!"

"I WILL NEVER GET THIS FAT AGAIN!"

"I WILL NEVER GET THIS FAT AGAIN!"

"I WILL NEVER GET THIS FAT AGAIN!"

"I WILL NEVER LET MYSELF GET THIS OUT OF SHAPE AGAIN!"

"I WILL NEVER LET MYSELF GET THIS OUT OF SHAPE AGAIN!"

"I WILL NEVER LET MYSELF GET THIS OUT OF SHAPE AGAIN!"

"I WILL NEVER LET MYSELF GET THIS OUT OF SHAPE AGAIN!"

"I WILL NEVER LET MYSELF GET THIS OUT OF SHAPE AGAIN!"

These were my final words spoken as I lay on my yoga mat holding my Body Bar across my chest.  I had just finished doing about thirty minutes of boxing on our punching man, both kicks and punches, and now I was looking to finish with some simple weighted sit-ups.  As I raised and lowered my legs to the floor simultaneously pulling the bar over my head I could feel my lower abdominal muscles shredding.  The burn had graduated to a tearing sensation that had me counting each rep as if my life depended on it.  In the background, the Duffy song played...

"you got me begging you for mercy" 

"why won't you release me?"

 "you got me begging you for mercy" 

"why won't you release me?" 

Funny, the song is about a relationship but in the moment it seems to perfectly apply to my situation.  (Note to self: Add Mercy to workout playlist.)  I do two sets of fifteen reps (remembering how I used to do three sets of thirty and with a heavier bar) before dropping the bar over my chest, panting loudly, and echoing in my mind the words..."I WILL NEVER LET MYSELF GET THIS OUT OF SHAPE AGAIN!"  "I WILL NEVER LET MYSELF GET THIS OUT OF SHAPE AGAIN!"  I seriously just want to finish so I can go eat.  I have prepared myself Tilapia in a lime marinade with some Moroccan cous cous (my only carb of the day) and some greens.  This is the exact same meal I had yesterday since I am trying to keep with the fish meal twice a week thing.  I must confess that I am less than enthused at tonight's dinner selection, but know it is guaranteed to keep me from gaining weight.  The fish is good, but just a little mundane the second time around.

I'm still thinking about the whole drug discussion of the past two days.  One more reason to be honked off at the pharmaceuticals...I am pretty sure the affects of my Metrformin are/have worn off.  Thank God I am doing the medicine in tandem with diet and exercise because if I had to rely on the drug alone I'd be as big as a battleship.  The first few weeks I saw an immediate affect and drop in pounds.  Now I am working nearly twice as hard with lesser results.  I've read that your body gets used to it and you have to have the dosage adjusted to maintain its effectiveness, but that most likely means an increase in dosage (something I don't welcome).  I was really hoping to be further along than twenty pounds before having to consider such a fact.  I will need to schedule a follow-up appointment to see how my body is responding to the medication and see where my levels are at.  That's on my To-Do list.  Regardless, we are moving in the right direction and I am grateful for the twenty pounds.  I just love how I could double my weight in five years, but can't half it (even with medication) nearly as fast.

I have really been towing the line this week and I am hoping to sneak in an additional pound or two of weight loss aside from the three pounds I needed to remove from having been sick.  So far I have effectively gotten rid of the three pounds, but nothing additional.  Let's hope for some good news for Tuesday.  Till next time I'll leave you with the tune I dedicated to my body Duffy Video

"There's no easy way out.  If there were, I would have bought it.  And believe me, it would be one of my favorite things!" -Oprah Winfrey about fitness

I'm with her!

I agree with you Jennifer, 110%! My "favorite" commercial from the law offices is the one saying "if you or a loved one have experienced death or permenant vegetative state...." Ok, so their phrasing is a little odd, however DEATH or permenant vegetative state......WTF, seriously? Or what about the one that warns you in super fast speaking (I guess that represents the fine print that no one can see or bothers to read) that can cause any number of secondary afflictions including but not limited to taking a 'dump' on one's self? Like if they talk fast enough that we just won't be bothered to listen.
If a healthy lifestyle were promoted as fashionable or at least for God's sake made AFFORDABLE, then we might have a culture that isn't as hopped up, strung out or otherwise medicated for afflictions that are preventable. Enough with medication for medication's sake. I heard that regular groceries have gone up by 29% over the last year...that's not even including the organic things that are grown naturally. The expense is rediculous to get things that aren't ridden with pesticides, fillers and chemicals.
I mean, for crying out loud, Im knocking myself out here trying to make my own organic yogurt (and cottage cheese by the way--- I learned that entirely by accident the other night, complete with the cartoon-y exclamation point over my head with dismay....) Its a conspiracy for sure, or at the least, a damn shame.
Anyway....Im kicking my soap box out of the way for the moment, but my point is, rant on, girlfriend! Im right there with you!

STILL RANTING...

A man who agrees with me...LOL

**The following links contain material which is extremely funny and also true.  Some foul language applies so please be advised.**

Chris Rock/Doctors & Drugs

Chris Rock- Drugs Video

WAKE UP AMERICA!

Every so many posts you can expect that I am going to climb up on my soapbox.  That's just the way it is with me.  I've ranted and raved about everything from the lack of natural foods in the American diet, to gym etiquette, and here comes some more.  In addition to my series "Fitness Pet Peeves," I would like to add a new series called, "Wake Up America!"  Not the most original title, but I can think of no other phrase that I want to scream more when I experience what I have in the last few months.

As most of you already know, I was diagnosed with an insulin problem and prescribed Metformin by my doctor.  Metformin is a common Biguanide used in the treatment of Diabetes and Pre-Diabetes as an insulin therapy.  In conjunction with diet and exercise, it is said to decrease glucose production, reduce hyperglycemia, reduce lipid levels, facilitate the transport of insulin, thus facilitating weight loss.  What you probably don't know is how uncomfortable it makes me to be on a medication of this kind.  Other common Biguanides such as Phenformin and Buformin, have been removed from the market due to their toxicity.  Metformin is their replacement, but the drug pretty much works the same way just with a smaller likelihood of acidosis.  Uh huh, not too comforting.

The list of possible side affects for this drug is as follows: clumsy/jerky movements, dizziness, headaches, hunger, nervousness/irritability, numbness around the mouth, pale skin, shakiness, sweating, mood swings, weakness, bloating, constipation, cough, diarrhea, fingernail changes, skin flushing, gas, heartburn, muscle pain, runny nose, sneezing, stomach pain, metallic taste in mouth, indigestion, nausea, and vomiting.  Wait, that's the stuff that won't kill ya!  I didn't mention any of the side affects that are fatal like lactic acidosis.  (insert nervous laugh here)

So why have I elected to take it despite my huge concerns about being on a pharmaceutical product?!  Because the health risks I face without it are much greater.  In recent years, I have tried every form of permanent weight loss with no luck.  The insulin problem is quite literally blocking my efforts.  Knowing that I could continue to eat right and exercise but most likely not see any positive changes in my weight is a frustrating fact to hear, but one I had been experiencing for some time before going to the doctor.  Also, the reality that insulin resistant people who go untreated ended up Diabetic in less than ten years was another adversity I wasn't willing to face.  Being nearly three-hundred pounds, I had more than exhausted the time window I had set for myself to solve this problem alone.

So then why am I upset??  Because I don't feel this is the case with most Americans.  I don't feel most Americans have exhausted personal responsibility before turning to medication, and once on medication, I feel they abandon all personal responsibility.  I don't feel most Americans even need the medications they are on, nor do I feel they suffer from half the conditions they are being "diagnosed" with.  This is not the fault of the American people, it is more the intended agenda of the pharmaceutical industry.  They are drug pushers.  This is what they do.  What I am surprised at, however, is the willingness of most Americans to succumb to this pressure with little to no angst.

Let me back up my reasoning with some recent experiences.  During my sickness last week I watched a lot of daytime television.  I was too sick to do much else and with years of working a day job I never really saw daytime TV before.  I generally record the programs I watch and skip past the commercials.  I was stunned, literally flabbergasted, at the number of pharmaceutical commercials.  So much so, that I began to keep track.  Do you know at one point, 1 out of every 4 commercials was for a medication?!  What is going on here!?  Funnier yet, was the follow-up of a law-suit commercial for said medications.  "Did you suffer a heart attack due to the use of Azithromycin?"  "Do you have a loved one who suffered an untimely death while taking the anti-depression medication Zoloft?"  "Call the law offices of Bender & Bender- we'll get you the settlement you deserve!"  That was the formula. Every fourth commercial was a pharmaceutical product, every fifth commercial a lawsuit advertisement.

Does anybody else think this is messed up?!  Let me ask you something.  When is the last time we cured a disease in this country?  Polio??  We don't cure sh*t now!  We treat!  Because there is no MONEY in the cure!  We have to keep people on a lifetime, consistent stream of medicines in order to make money!  We have a FOR-PROFIT health care system in this country people!  Wake up America!  I can understand why certain politicians don't want national heath care as they own stock in the pharmaceuticals and don't want to see their bottom-line drop, but what escapes me is why more Americans don't want it!?  This is exactly why I do not wear the "pink ribbon" or the "race for a cure" armband!  It's not that I don't care or don't have a loved one affected by these diseases.  Simply put, it's because I'm not gullible!  I refuse to wear a ribbon that suggests we're even looking to find a cure.  Yeah, we the people maybe, but not the powers at be!  I refuse to be a part of that numbed mindset that believes a ribbon or a walk-a-thon is going to produce a cure!

True story.  I went to the drug store to pick up my prescription.  The lady behind the counter says to me, "if you open a store credit card you can save up to 5% on all your prescriptions!"  I said, "well I only have one so I don't know if that would be much of a savings."  She says to me, "you only have one??  Wow, well you're in the minority!"  Really...??  Cause I'm only in my thirties and am somewhat appalled that I am even on medicine!  How may prescriptions is the average 30 year old on?!?

I come to find out that despite the two phone calls I received urging me to pick up my medication, that the pharmacy only holds the prescription for a week before dumping it.  So now this rather young girl is hurriedly rushing to refill my prescription.  Having heard enough recent news stories about people dying because they received the wrong medicine, I become nervous.  I say to her, "please take your time, I am happy to wait, I just want to be sure that I am receiving the right medication."  I then say as a reminder, "METFORMIN, 500 MG, name is Jennifer ******."  I see her smirk and I'm hoping I haven't offended her with my tone that suggests mistrust.  I follow up with, "I'm sorry, if you can't tell, I am a little uncomfortable with taking pills and my goal is to get off them as soon as possible!"  (There are three people behind the counter- an older woman, older man, and the young girl helping me, but up until this point only the young girl has been engaging me.)  The older woman suddenly says laughing, "We certainly don't hear that alot!!"  Then the older gentleman who looks like he's ready to burst he wants to say something so bad but I'm guessing as a Pharmacist is not supposed to, blurts out, "yeah we're not used to dealing with INFORMED customers.  My favorite is when people come in here and don't even know what they're here for...I ask, 'what's the prescription' and they say, 'I don't know- they're little white pills.' (shaking his head)  I respond, "that's because they're drugged up!  If they're on as many meds as what she suggested (pointing to the young girl) how can they possibly know what's going on?!"  "Please tell me I'm not the only one who finds this scary?!"  Older woman interjects, "My son moved to Australia.  He says hardly anyone is on medications there.  He got his education paid for and doesn't have to pay for health care."  I say sarcastically, "what, national heath care, you mean he isn't bending your ear with stories about how it's evil and he has to wait six months to get a check-up?!"

Fearing that the Pfizer people may suddenly emerge from the antacid display like goblins with billy-clubs and beat me, throw me in a potato sack, and drag me away, I decide to end the conversation and grab my prescription and run.  The next visit should be interesting.  They do not let me slip away without first handing me a coupon book.  Wanna know what was inside...??

Allegra coupon, children's Allegra coupon, Zyrtec coupon, Claritin, Claritin-D, Citracel (thank God a  calcium supplement), Prevacid, Benefiber, Excedrin, Excedrin Migraine, fish oil tablets (sigh of relief again I guess) Viactiv, Benadryl, Zantac 150, an oatmeal coupon- hey we have a positive, and a coupon for $10 off the transfer of a new prescription.  I think I'll keep the oatmeal coupon and dispose of the rest...

“A man's health can be judged by which he takes two at a time - pills or stairs.”  -Joan Welsh

"HOLY VALENTINE'S DAY TEMPTATIONS, BATMAN!"

Check out what my neighborhood Dunkin' Doughnuts was handing out for free today...

"Holy temptations, Batman!"  If I spin the plate it looks like they are dancing!  LOL.  Okay, don't panic.  Nobody said I put them on a plate for me.  I actually plated them for my husband.  I thought it was a cute sentiment- sorta like leaving Christmas cookies for Santa.

Everywhere I look there are all kinds of treats.  Heart-shaped doughnuts, chocolate covered cherries, boxed chocolates, truffles, pink and red colored popcorn, giant heart-shaped lollipops, jellybeans!  I was leaping tall desserts in a single bound!  Ducking from calories at the speed of light!  I was quite literally a superhero today!  I never realized how much a "food holiday" February 14th is, but I certainly realize it now!  Good gracious.  There were over-the-top Valentine's Day displays everywhere I looked.  So how do you end up not feeling deprived if you're not aloud to have any of this stuff?!  You do the next best thing.  Reward yourself with something you can't eat.  In my case, I chose flowers.

Yes folks, I LOVE flowers!  Almost as much as I love heart-shaped doughnuts.  Some may consider them a waste, but I certainly do not.  I love the smell, the colors, the way they feel, and the fact that they come from nature.  I especially love how they instantly brighten a room.  Not feeling overly confident that I was getting flowers this year, I decided to take matters into my own hands.  I headed to my local wholesale club hoping I could find some bargains.  I circled the flower stand looking at all the choices.  I was trying to decide on a palette.  Red roses.  Too predictable.  White lilies.  Too wedding-like.   Yellow daisies.  Kinda boring.  I wanted something that said, "Hello Valentine's Day," but not something that was unimaginative like red roses, yet I also didn't want the "Valentine's Day On Crack" arrangement with the spray-painted colors that do not exist in nature.  Hmmm...what am I in the mood for?  So I thought about the heart-shaped doughnuts sitting in the trunk of my car.  Next thing you know I was humming the Aerosmith song...  Aerosmith Video

Yes!  That's it!  Just like the colors on the doughnuts.  I grabbed a pack of long stem pink roses.  I grabbed some white tulips, some greenery, and these fantastic red berry stems.  Voila!  We have ourselves the makings of a floral bouquet!  Here is my interpretation of the the Dunkin' Doughnuts heart-shaped doughnut, but in flower form...

Okay, so I won't quit my day job!  But please bare in mind that I am not a professional florist nor have I ever arranged flowers for a living, but I do still think they are beautiful! :-)  There's a bit too much greenery, but none of the flowers have opened yet so I think I will let it as is for now and reassess when the roses begin to spread and the tulips begin to open.  What do I think of my flowers??

"PINK it was love at first sighhht....and PINK when I turn out the light...yeah pink gets me high as a kite...and I think everything is going to be alright no matter what we do tonight...!"

Ladies and gentleman, I have learned to reward myself with something other than food!  And here's the best part of the arrangement...WAIT FOR IT...

The card!  It reads "To: Jennifer; From: Jennifer"  ;-)

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYBODY!!

"Without Valentine's Day, February would be... well, January. - Jim Gaffigan

Forgotten, but NOT Gone.

Yesterday I got caught off-guard, unawares, and completely with my back turned. I was upstairs (I had actually just finished lugging my new-used elliptical machine upstairs---too cool by the way---I was too stoked to wait for the husband to get home and help) and I had gone into the bedroom to make sure that my sons weren't flooding the house again, when there was the doorbell. Doorbell? On a Sunday? Something was desparately wrong..... I peered out of my upstairs window and saw a maroon SUV.

INSTANTLY I was filled with dread and panic. OH NO! I completely forgot....

I found myself breaking into a sweat across my forehead and my hands went cold. How could I have possibly forgotten? I sprinted downstairs and through the living room and stopped at the front door, staring at it. Then came a loud knock. I jump. Maybe its not too late to pretend that I am not home.....RATS, the garage door is open, dead give-away. I am going to have to open the door and face the most sinister person on the planet.

WHO is this mystery person, you may find yourself asking, that could cause such a panic? WHO could possibly cause this degree of upset? Chatty neighbor? An Ex? Police? FBI? Child announcing that your hubby is their baby daddy? No, no, no, no and no. Traveling salesman? No........ Grim reaper? No, but you're getting close.

Think about it. Who knocks on doors in Mid-February, that you might have seen once before, that you just cant ignore because it would be SO incredibly wrong? Still puzzled? What strikes fear into the heart of a fat woman trying to slim down, (and no there's not a person in a twinkie suit on my doorstep.) Think food....think sweets.....February?

The evil GIRLSCOUT!!!!!

AH CRAP.

I open the door. "Why hello Suzie Girlscout! So nice to see you again. How much do I owe you? $28? Ok no problem. Thank you Suzie Girlscout, have a great day!" Girlscout cookies are now $3.50 a box. You do the math. I now have not a modest 1 or 2 boxes in my house but a whopping EIGHT. I ordered them ages ago and had clean forgot that my name was on that paper someplace, presumably in support of a good cause.

God bless the Girlscouts, but they are making us fatter one box of cookies at a time.

Yesterday, we will say, was a huge wash--diet wise. I have recovered from my stomach ache, and re-gained my mental stamina and composure. I pick up today where I left off. Waddling forward, fat girl style, returning to my penguin path.

Teeny-Tiny Penguin Steps

SO, day 3 of "detox" is going much better than the first two days as my cravings and "fear" of self-deprivation are easing and becoming less dominant. And Jennifer is absolutely right, I am more using this as a bad habit breaker than anything else. I have done well at work, but as soon as I get home where there are more 'options' I cave a little more than I would like. But, getting these habits broken and learning how to combat the urges around the options will be well worth it.

I am also buying a used elliptical machine tomorrow for $50. I found it on craigslist, saw the pictures, and as long as everything is ok with it when I pick it up, I am excited! Now one of several things may happen...I can get on this thing and kick fat's azz, it can become a decorative towel holder, or my children will figure out how to work it (one on each pedal) and use it to slingshot each other across the room. Maybe a combination of all three. Being a mother of two working a full time job makes it painfully difficult to get the time to go to the gym. In my life, once a week to the gym would be pushing my luck. I wish all the running around I do after them was enough, but all that has accomplished was LITERALLY working my butt off. I got gut, but no but. LOL. Has anyone ever thought about de-toxing their lives? (yet once again, I sound like a junkie. HAHA) Just going through and purging all of the things that are counterproductive to better health and sanity? Let's take cable for example. I put off cutting our cable off forever, even though it was just another expense we didn't need. WHY was it so hard? It was wasting valuable time for me, it was teaching the kids bad words even on regular daytime programming, the husband wasn't getting anything done.... I don't know. Now that its gone, I don't even miss it. On the rare occasion that I need to watch a show, I look it up on the internet. The next thing that I need to get rid of is my stressful commute in the morning and in the evening and reclaim 4 hours of my day!

Im just trying to work through this and my baby steps feel like teeny-tiny, waddling penguin steps. I guess since I am not able to clear leaps and bounds I have the time to look around and make sure I haven't forgotten anything along the way.

TWO STEPS FORWARD, ONE STEP BACK

Tera.  I can identify with so much of what you are saying.  Perhaps that's what I miss most about you being a part of the blog :-)  I too grew up with an alcoholic parent.  My childhood was very chaotic.  I never realized before how isolated and lonely I was as a child, which is not uncommon when there is discord in the household.  I was a very smart independent kid, but one who needed a lot more nurturing than what I received.  My coping mechanism, taught to me by my mother as it was her coping strategy as well, was food.  Food made me feel less lonely.

What is interesting about the situation is that not much has changed.  My biggest fear is being alone; a strange realization to have at this age when I am in many ways such an independent woman.  While being alone is my fear, when I am under stress and my anxiety level becomes high I shut everyone out and turn to food.  I isolate myself and turn to my coping mechanism.  I hated having to do that as a child, but I voluntarily do it as an adult?!?  In fact, to some degree I am doing it right now.  I am so upset and embarrassed at my current condition, that I have somewhat isolated myself from the world until the problem is resolved.  Because that's how I solve my problems, alone.

When I was young the number one thing I could have wished for was for someone to check in on me more often.  To this day when my husband and I have an argument and I go silent or run and lock myself in a room because I "want" to be left alone, the thing I want the most is for him to chase after me and ask if I am okay?  I want him to say, "let's fix this together, I care, how can I help you?"  When he doesn't, nothing hurts me more!  Because in that moment I feel alone and it reminds me of how I felt as a child when no one cared enough to check in.  I'm good at being alone, but it's not what I truly desire.  Wow!  Doing this blog really is therapeutic.

If detox is what you are after, I would encourage you to check out The Fat Smash Diet by Ian Smith.  I think there are some really good principles in this book and it has one of the best and safest detoxes I have come across.  I'm concerned about your mention of the whole grains as in a true detox you want to stay clear of most of that, at least for the first week.  The book suggests a cup of oatmeal or brown rice, but not much more than that initially.  Then it walks you to a more balanced choice of foods, adding certain things back, a week at a time.  For $11 (Amazon price) you can't beat it.  (I am like a database of diet plans and nutritional reference materials...LOL)  Dario and I don't do the detoxes anymore as around day ten we get so grouchy we become violent with one another.  I think detoxes are excellent for initially breaking bad habits, but there is little evidence to support that they do anything beyond that.

Okay, on to me.  So I am feeling much better today.  I still look a little rough, a bit green around the gills if you will, but most importantly I GOT MY VOICE BACK!!  YEA!!!  Sorry to say that the monk-like silence is over in my household.  (Sorry baby, its back to long drawn out conversations and lectures for you;-)  I have been couped up in this house for too many days and I am looking forward to venturing out and reestablishing some routine.  I will be heading back to the gym tomorrow and I am looking forward to getting out this weekend.  As you all read, my Super Bowl "party" was a flop and I never made it to my book writing seminar:-(  I am hoping that the missed occasions are now behind me as if you recall, I was looking forward to quite a few things this month.  Illness certainly put a damper on the first part of the month, but I am hoping to salvage what I can of February.  It is very cold today (21 degrees to be exact so shut it Tera!) but SUNNY, as I mentioned February always is!  So that lifts my mood enough to slightly crawl out from underneath "The Post Holiday Blues."

But the news is not all good.  I weighed myself today.  Are you sitting down?  I gained three pounds over my sick hiatus.  Yep, three pounds.  Can you say, "two steps forward, one step back?"  I am trying my best to understand how that happened, considering I didn't eat for two days and I don't think Nyquil has that many calories.  I'm sure the sofa riding had a lot to do with it, but more importantly it is the constant confirmation of my insulin issue.  When you are truly insulin resistant, doing nothing wrong is as bad as doing something wrong because complacency is your worst enemy.  A normal person would either lose weight while being sick or at the very least maintain, but not a person with an insulin problem.  You must attack the problem head-on constantly or you will continue to go in the wrong direction.  You can not imagine how frustrating this is- that feeling of having done nothing wrong but being punished anyways.  It has taken me some time to get used to this idea.  To accept it!  I still, stubbornly, don't want to accept that I have a physical problem.  This denial is what causes me to throw my hands up in the air and quit because well, it's much easier to think that way then to actually man-up and fight the problem.  Maybe I should have made sure that I was taking my insulin medication as regularly as my cold medicine.

Oh well, it's what am I going to do about it now.  I am back on track with eating regularly today (not skipping meals) and I am choosing the right things- protein driven foods, not the cream of wheat, papa bear oatmeal, and chicken noodle soup elixirs I lived on last week.  I'm also making sure I'm taking my medication.  I will happily be resuming my workouts tomorrow.  I'm not gonna lie, it's been a tough week, but I can either wallow in my misfortune or I can pick myself up and carry on.  Sure I might have lost the better part of two weeks to illness, but I emerged unscathed.  Sure I might have soaked my entire stove in cheese soup, but hey, the good news is when we pulled the stove out from the wall we finally found those missing peppercorns we were looking for...LOL ;-)  Life is all how you look at it and at the end of the day, I think we all have to be grateful for the life, wellness, and blessings God has given us.

"Gratitude is an art of painting an adversity into a lovely picture." - Kak Sri

 

Psychological Musings and a lot of Chicken Soup

WHY oh why does it have to be cold in TEXAS? Yes, I do know and love the northerners out there, and appreciate that you've been shoveling snow and buying fuel oil but I expect to be painting my toenails and wearing flip flops. Boo.

Cold weather brings about this innate need to get all nest-y. The first thing coming to my mind SHOULD be warm fuzzy socks, an extra quilt on my bed and toasting my face by the fire. The things ACTUALLY coming to mind are extra creamy hot chocolate, a big bowl of cheese soup (>>>hug<<< to Jennifer for the culinary mishap) or stew, oatmeal with brown sugar and cinnamon, just your hearty, heavy, hunker-down-and-nest comfort foods. So with our arctic blasts from the north come the desire to eat and snuggle under a blanket and keep warm, neither of which are conducive to shedding any pounds.

I have also somehow decided that this is the week that I am doing a de-tox. I find it very ironic that sometimes things related to food are also related to actions taken to get clean from drugs. Its a very complicated psychological thing that goes all the way back to birth I think with the nature vs. nurture concept and then also the comfort that comes from being fed and cared for. Humans are creatures of habit; it has been proven that when only basic needs are met- food, water, shelter- that survival is not guaranteed, that we need the nurture to be healthy and to thrive. When there are emotional trianwrecks in our lives and the sense of security is inconsistent/absent, we look for a replacement to restore order. For some of us, the consumption food and being cared for become so intrinsically synonymous, that I think they almost become interchangable so that when these trainwrecks happen, we eat to feel better. So what happens when the trainwreck is more like a chronic affliction? My opinion is that we become chronic overeaters, trying to fill a bottomless hole. You never even realize that you are all that unhappy because you have been that way for a while, it just becomes a way of life.

At least that's the way I am thinking it has worked out for me. My dad drank my whole childhood. I had to deal with parental dischord and financial distress my entire life. I never even really realized that it wasn't normal. There's also the issue where I was expected to eat everything served to me. I wanted to please my parents, so I did, even if I was full- even after I was on my own and old enough to know better. The trend was there, and it is so hard to break.

SO, I am de-toxing. De-toxing from chemicals, de-toxing from sugars, de-toxing from fatty foods. I am trying to re-train myself in the appropriate way to eat. I am spending this week on a "clear food" de-tox. Water, unsweet tea, broths, whole grain rice, whole grain cereal, light soy milk, to try and cleanse my pallet and get a hold of my life. I want to eat to live, I don't want to live to eat anymore. Its been a tough day. I am finding that I am not actually PHYSICALLY hungry...but I have been having urges to eat all day long that I have to fight. I am praying that I am mentally strong enough to do this. By doing a drastic pallet cleansing, I am hoping to awaken the ability to taste and appreciate the flavors that healthier food choices have to offer.

How is it that we allow ourselves to get so busy and so broken and not even know? Onward and upward!

The Yogurt Sagas....Part Two

A quick yogurt update....Drumroll please.............

batch 1 of yogurt is yogurty enough to pass, but more of the speed of drinkable yogurt. I stirred it up, gave it another tentative sniff, said a litte prayer and gave it a tiny taste. Then a tiny bit more. Hmmm....... well, it tastes like plain yogurt. I added a little local honey and some pure vanilla extract and then for the true test. Try it on the kids! Don't panic people, I did taste it and determined it safe, and my 4 year old and 2 year old are extremely picky eaters, so if it doesn't taste good, they won't touch it. They actually LOVED it, so I made them a fresh berry and organic yogurt smoothie. YUM!

I'm still not a big fan of the thinner yogurt texture myself, so I will be taking the Greek yogurt approach for the next batch, which begins the same but ends up drained and strained through cheesecloth. By removing most of the liquid, it *should* give me a much thicker and creamier result. If this works, this will give me a low fat, organic treat.

THE WISCONSIN CHEESE DISASTER

My thoughts on Super Bowl XLV...??  What a joke!  It should have been called the "Recession Bowl!"  I never watched a more boring Super Bowl in my life!  By this I mean, the whole production, not the game- though that was a bit of a snooze also!  Is it just me or did the Packers not seem that excited to have won?!?  I'm more a Steelers fan but I thought both teams played well.  Still, it was just ho-hum.  Let's face it, if something exciting doesn't happen on the field, than you are stuck relying on all the other features of the show.  In which case, utter disappointment!  The advertising was lame!  Terrible!  What happened to the two-million dollar commercial slots?!  I guess the recession has hit advertisers as well because I can't recall one witty or funny commercial worthy of being aired during game-time.  The half-time show sucked.  The performances were boring, the artists poorly miked, and the singing mediocre at best.  While I'm a fan of the Black-Eyed Peas, I don't feel they were a good choice.  Their latest album is overly-digitized and does not translate well to a live performance.  Despite having also sung tunes from previous albums and a slightly awkward rendition of a Guns N' Roses song, both singing and performance was not up to par for an event of this magnitude.  And let's not forget about Christina Aguilera's blunder of The Star Spangled Banner.  Which I would be more sympathetic about had I not seen her botch it at least once before.  It begs the question, "how many times do you need to sing the national anthem before you learn the lyrics, and how many times do you get to f*ck it up before they stop asking you too?!?"  Geez, pop culture is on a fast this week.

Speaking of fasts, I'm sure you're dying to know what went on at my house during the game.  I did not cancel our little get-together, though once the news of illness got out a lot of people RSVP'd- no.  What's a matter, no one wants a side of sick with their Super Bowl!?  LOL.  One brave soul did choose to attend so I carried on with my game-day meal plan against better judgment.  On the menu for Packers fans was Wisconsin Cheddar Soup.  I had painstakingly prepared every last detail of this dish perfectly.  While I still had no sense of taste, I could start to detect the aroma of beer and garlic starting to take shape in this soup.  The final step- pureeing the contents in a blender until perfectly smooth.  So with thirty minutes to spare, I poured half the stockpot of soup into the blender.  Doubtful it would all fit, I pulsed the first batch.  Hmm...let's see if I can get the second half in without having to do it in batches.  Wow!  Every last drop fit.  Now the question is, did I leave enough room to blend without the steam blowing the lid sky-high.  We have success!  Perfectly pleased with myself and the result and happy to have completed the last task necessary to be finished with this ordeal, I began to lift the blender jar by its handle to pour the soup back into the stockpot.  As I do, the bottom of the blender jar unscrews from the base, and the entire contents of the stockpot of soup dumps everywhere.  Now here's where it gets interesting...

I have elected to use the blender on top of my ceramic cooktop because it makes transferring the soup back and forth from the very heavy and hot stockpot easier.  So I have cheese soup pouring down the front of my oven and underneath my stove.  It has seeped down the sides of my oven, in-between the stove and the counter-top, and has splashed all over the front of me.  It soaked the floor mat which I am half standing on and is finding its way across my wooden floor.  As if this isn't bad enough, I am screaming "HELP!!!!" at the top of my lungs for my husband to come and help me, and I am making no sound.  It is just like a horror film where a girl is about to get stabbed by the boogieman and she screams but no sound comes out!  Damn Laryngitis!  I start stomping my foot on the floor hoping my husband, who is in the basement below, will detect this distress call while I simultaneously rip my soup-soaked clothes off and throw them into the sink.  My husband eventually arrives with a look of disbelief on his face.  I start to cry not sure if I am more upset at the mess that lay before us or the fact that I just spent two hours preparing a kettle of soup that is now completely gone!  Within five minutes of the disaster our guest has arrived and is probably rethinking his decision to attend.

In short, we had to pull the stove out from the wall and wipe the top, sides, and front.  We had to pull the bottom drawer out and hand wash all the baking sheets, cooling racks, and cutting boards that were stored inside.  Because the soup seeped down the sides of the stove and, therefore, under the gap of the ceramic top, we had to unscrew and remove the top of the cooking surface.  This was after several attempts to clean the cheese out of the gaps using toothpicks and paper towels.  But before we could complete this task we had to first figure out, "how do you remove the glass top from the stove?"  We had to take the oven door apart, as it seeped into the air vents in the door.  My husband worked tirelessly to get the mess off the floor, while I tried to rinse the base of the blender which also has vents that were now clogged with cheese goop.  Anybody feel like having a party!!!?

The moral of the story is...when you don't feel up to something, let it be.  While this truly was an accident that could have happened to anybody, I'm sure my medication-educed stupor contributed to my lack of judgment.  Never ever, no matter how tempting, use your ceramic smooth-top stove as a works surface.  And last, but not least, always check to make sure the blender jar is secured tightly to the base.  I use my blender a lot and have never had the bottom come off before.  What luck!  I find it only slightly humorous that the first time it unscrewed had to be on a day where it was filled to the top with a very messy liquid that I had blended for the first time on my stove top.  Lesson learned.

So this fiasco has me questioning if I am fit to attend tomorrow's book seminar.  I'd really like to go, but I am obviously still sick and too over-medicated to be operating a car if I wreaked this kind of havoc with a blender.  I still don't have a voice, but I certainly feel better than I did a few days ago.  Still, I sorta have this rule about not venturing out into public when sick.  It always used to drive me crazy when sick people would come to work and were made to feel like heroes for it.  While others were pinning the badge of courage on them, I always wanted to give them a slow drop kick to the head as I could almost predict that by the weekend I would be home sick with whatever germ they brought in.  So I must bare this in mind before deciding.  I can't wait until this is over so I can get back on track!  We'll see how I feel tomorrow.  Till then...

“Luck is largely a matter of paying attention.” -Susan M. Dodd

The Yogurt Sagas

On my new frontier of removing chemicals and preservatives from my diet, I have dreamed up the concept that making yogurt at home with organic milk is a good idea. I have my Betty-Crocker moments, so why not go for Dannon Diva? I looked up the instructions online and thought, how hard can this be. Milk, a double boiler, a thermometer, plain yogurt as a culture starter, and a heating pad. Check, check AND check.
I added water to the large pan, milk to the small and then floated the small pan inside the large and got the water boiling. The idea is to avoid scalding the milk by using an indirect heat source. So I've got my water boiling and then the thermometer in the milk watching it slooooooowly raise. Im thinking to myself that my hair dryer could do a faster job, but we don't want to botch this job and end up with an unforgiving pot of actually sour milk, instead of yogurt sour milk. Mentally I am rooting for the milk-- C'mon 180. 10.....15.....20....minutes pass and I am cruising at a temp of 176. Hmph.... My optimism and patience are slowly waning.
I figured the milk was done and removed the milk pot to the sink to sit in cool water until the milk reached 110. No problem on this one. Stir in 3 tablespoons of plain yogurt so the little yogurt critters can do their thing with the lactic acid and reproduce themselves in a new batch of milk. Then I put the pot on the heating pad and wrapped the pot in a towel.

Now wait 8 hours....... blahhhh.

Im so impatient that I keep peeking cautiously into the dark pot. This also gave me a little time to stop and ponder what I was actually doing and then panic struck. WHAT if this was a huge and horrible mistake, and when I open this pot after 8 hours what I find is NOT yogurt, but rather that putrid and pungent equivelant of a baby bottle that's fallen behind the couch and been missing for about 4 days..... the level of rank that causes the nipple of that bottle to actually suck itself inside? ....and then if you're foolish enough to open it you get blasted with a disgusting rotton milk bottle fart? My brain is screaming ABORT MISSION, ABORT MISSION, bail out NOWWWW while you can still pour it down the drain! Then the frugal side of me is arguing, you spent 2.50 on that 1/2 gallon of organic milk....are you really such a wuss that you're not going to at least see what comes from this...you can have 64 ounces of organic yogurt for 2.50 instead of 6 ounces for 1.29.

So on hour 6, I've had one nervous breakdown and a dispute with myself that could arguably be borderline schizophrenic. Doctor, one asprin please. Better make it 2.

After 8 hours of torture, I am standing in front of this pot revisiting the madness of it all and marveling the kind of balls it must have took for the person who saw the first naturally occurring yogurt in a clay pot someplace to actually try it.

I popped open the pot and peeked in. There's liquid on top , and the solid stuff appears to be FLOATING..... Good news in this was that the horrid smell I was bracing for wasn't there. It actually smelled, well.....yogurt-y. I scratched my head and thumbed through my directions. Okey dokey....it says to stir, then refrigerate over night. More waiting......great.

to be continued......

SOMEBODY CALL A DOCTOR!

It's a dark day when you can't taste macaroni and cheese, nor bacon, nor doughnuts.  I had to pull out the big guns today to test my taste buds.  It appears we have a complete failure of the senses.  I knew my smellavison was off because I cooked an entire pound of bacon today and couldn't detect that anything was cooking.  Normally when I cook bacon the smell is so intense that I throw open the kitchen windows and run around the entire house closing doors and murmuring about how right the Europeans are to insist their kitchen has a door, instead of the American preference of an open-style kitchen.  But today, nothing, nada.  I wouldn't have been able to detect a skunk sizzling on a fire pit.  Figuring if I couldn't smell it was likely I couldn't taste either, I tried a piece of the fried bacon.  Nope, nothing.  Then I tried a bite of a doughnut my husband had excitedly brought home from Dunkin' Doughnuts earlier this morning.  Nothing again.  My last resort, break out the "in case of emergency only" macaroni and cheese.  It was like eating flavorless mush.  Pffftt!!!  Might as well go back to the alfalfa sprouts and bean curd because there is no sense in wasting a heavenly bowl of macaroni and cheese on someone who can't taste!

I barely have an appetite.  It was almost 4:30 in the afternoon today before I realized I hadn't consumed anything other than my dose of Airborne and a mug of Glogg.  My husband was pacing the kitchen like a wolverine looking for a meal so I made him a sandwich- fried egg, tomato, avocado, bacon and herbed cream cheese on wheat toast.  He said it was DELICIOUS, but when I "tasted" it, and I use that word loosely, it was flavorless.  So that's where it is folks.  No smell, no taste, and no interest in food...??!  Somebody call a doctor!!  I am SICK!!  Perhaps I have found the cure!  Science has it all wrong.  Maybe the Bariatric community needs to devise a surgery for removing the taste buds instead of part of the stomach.

I was frying bacon, not because I suddenly lost my mind and thought this was proper diet food, but because I was prepping some game-day food for tomorrow's Super Bowl.  Nobody likes to chew on cabbage and broccoli during a game so I thought up a menu that was more befitting of the festivities, but I never made it beyond frying the bacon.  I think I may have to face the facts, which is, that I am in no condition to have guests over and probably shouldn't be allowed within a touchdown (roughly one-hundred yards) of any food that would eventually go into someones mouth.  It is looking like February is off to a rough start and some of the festivities I was looking forward to are now in jeopardy.  I'm hoping I will be well enough to attend Tuesday's writing seminar.  As of right now, in addition to no taste, no smell, and no appetite, I also have no voice!  Guess I won't be asking any questions at this seminar..blhaha blah ha hahahah!

The good news is the husband seems to be making a proper recovery.  This was evidenced by his spontaneously random trip to Dunkin' Doughnuts this morning.  He is back to his usual behavior of playing video games all day (and you're the one having Carpal Tunnel surgery, Tera?) in lieu of doing any kind of real work.  He still believes in milking it.  No sense in rushing the recovery.  LOL.  But he has morphed from the horribly, annoying, whiny, dramatic, throat-clearing, sicky monster back into my cute and adorable husband which I am grateful for.  I'm telling you, never have we come so close to a divorce.  He becomes a completely different human being when he is sick.  We really need to finish that guest room we've been working on or next time I may just have to move out!  Me on the other hand- I'm pretty manageable.  I'm like a sick animal in the wild concealing my illness from predators.  Since I have no voice he can hardly complain about me being sick.  You can barely even tell I'm here other than the sad little sound of me blowing my nose.  This is the quietest I've ever been.  I'm sure he's loving that!  What's that honey...?  You need what...?  Sorry dear, I can't hear you...!

I have not weighed myself.  I just can't deal with that frustration right now.  Even though I have no appetite and have barely been eating, I haven't moved further than the distance between the bed upstairs and the sofa downstairs.  I haven't exercised since Wednesday.  I will just have to face my demons when this is over.  For right now, I need to focus on getting better. 

The Whole Nine Yards

Did you ever have one of those WTF days? On most days, I can get by with 1-2 WTF moments, but on occasion I have a day that is dominated by those little ironic idiosyncrasies that just make you want to laugh....or poke your index finger in your eye.
I got out of the shower, reached for my towel and went to wrap it around me. I had two corners reaching for one another under my right armpit, and my left hand went to close the corners on my thigh. I pulled on one, and the other one jumped back six inches. (hmmmm...) Then I yanked on the other corner, and the other one jumped eight inches behind me. (ack!) I find myself walking in circles in the bathroom literally chasing my tail and cursing the towel manufacturers for skimping on the terrycloth. WHEN did they start making these things so small, for goodness' sake? Its like the bathtowel has become a hand towel, and if we don't pay attention the handtowel size will become washcloth size....and then we may as well just break down to the fig leaf and be done with it.
I think that the sock gnome that steals left socks from my dryer has taken up a hobby of shrinking my towels.....
or.....
more accurately, I am realizing that I have to continue to persevere with becoming a healthier person. Or we may just need the whole nine yards of fabric to make a towel that will sufficiently cover my backside.

Greetings From Mars

I would like to take just a moment to say hello from Mars and offer my apology for disappearing off the face of the Earth. I let Jennifer down and also all you kind folks at home who are following our plight with us. Let's just say that I had reached a level of stress that was unsurpassed even for myself and I was having a hard time keeping up. I also had double carpal tunnel hand surgery in December, so my hands were rendered nearly useless for several weeks. Now my hands are restored to 90% of my pre-carpal tunnel function, which is awesome. The "electric shock" up my arms and into my neck has stopped, the spontaneous falling-asleep of my hands has stopped, and I no longer briefly entertain the notion of disowning either one of them. The only drawback is two little scars that you can barely see, and the middle finger on my left hand from the knuckle down is still numb for some reason. So if there happen to be any "e's, d's or c's" missing from my text, please excuse the typeo as I really did think I hit the key. I will be filling in for Jennifer to give her time to recoop (way to go Dario--keep your boogies to yourself next time ; ) ) I would also like to contribute a couple times a week hereafter, if you all will have me.

What I've been up to: I have not been dieting during this time, per say, but rather battling the urges to sit on my butt and stuff my face in boredom, self pity and bad indulgence. That in itself has been work, and actually productive because I am learning the self discipline to control it and move forward. The last two weeks have been particularly good for me. I am drinking water and not soda, I am making smarter food choices, and I am trying to read labels and eliminate as many chemicals and additives from my diet and my family's diet as I can.

I will say though that willpower can be a b@tch!

I had an odd moment at the store earlier, picking up some pre-sleet milk so I won't have to run out for my youngest child later. I picked up a Greek-style yogurt and then I found a sale on canned vegetables for .32 per can and decided to stock up. On my way to the checkout I passed the "Hostess" stand with the fruit pies, cupcakes, and doughnuts. *arghhhhhhh*

The Martian within was hollering! After quite the mental struggle, I picked up a lemon pie and put it into the cart and went to the check out with full vile intentions to eat at least half of it (if not the whole thing, after all, I'd been SO good!) I paid for my purchase and went to my truck. I put the veggies and the milk in and then picked up the last bag that had the yogurt and the fruit pie. NO fruit pie........ I scratched my head, double checked the cart and the bags of veggies. STILL no fruit pie. I checked my receipt and it wasn't even on there. Just the yogurt......

Now I am trying to figure out if I have gone nuts. I have been working so hard to fight these urges, I am wondering if I even actually put it in the basket....maybe the checkout girl forgot or didn't see it somehow.... Hell, maybe the guy behind me ate it when I wasn't looking. Then I considered it might be a divine intervention moment telling me to stay the path and behave myself.

I meekly got into the truck and ate my yogurt.

Mars sucks. Flying home to Earth, looking much like the shuttle!