Tera. I can identify with so much of what you are saying. Perhaps that's what I miss most about you being a part of the blog :-) I too grew up with an alcoholic parent. My childhood was very chaotic. I never realized before how isolated and lonely I was as a child, which is not uncommon when there is discord in the household. I was a very smart independent kid, but one who needed a lot more nurturing than what I received. My coping mechanism, taught to me by my mother as it was her coping strategy as well, was food. Food made me feel less lonely.
What is interesting about the situation is that not much has changed. My biggest fear is being alone; a strange realization to have at this age when I am in many ways such an independent woman. While being alone is my fear, when I am under stress and my anxiety level becomes high I shut everyone out and turn to food. I isolate myself and turn to my coping mechanism. I hated having to do that as a child, but I voluntarily do it as an adult?!? In fact, to some degree I am doing it right now. I am so upset and embarrassed at my current condition, that I have somewhat isolated myself from the world until the problem is resolved. Because that's how I solve my problems, alone.
When I was young the number one thing I could have wished for was for someone to check in on me more often. To this day when my husband and I have an argument and I go silent or run and lock myself in a room because I "want" to be left alone, the thing I want the most is for him to chase after me and ask if I am okay? I want him to say, "let's fix this together, I care, how can I help you?" When he doesn't, nothing hurts me more! Because in that moment I feel alone and it reminds me of how I felt as a child when no one cared enough to check in. I'm good at being alone, but it's not what I truly desire. Wow! Doing this blog really is therapeutic.
If detox is what you are after, I would encourage you to check out The Fat Smash Diet by Ian Smith. I think there are some really good principles in this book and it has one of the best and safest detoxes I have come across. I'm concerned about your mention of the whole grains as in a true detox you want to stay clear of most of that, at least for the first week. The book suggests a cup of oatmeal or brown rice, but not much more than that initially. Then it walks you to a more balanced choice of foods, adding certain things back, a week at a time. For $11 (Amazon price) you can't beat it. (I am like a database of diet plans and nutritional reference materials...LOL) Dario and I don't do the detoxes anymore as around day ten we get so grouchy we become violent with one another. I think detoxes are excellent for initially breaking bad habits, but there is little evidence to support that they do anything beyond that.
Okay, on to me. So I am feeling much better today. I still look a little rough, a bit green around the gills if you will, but most importantly I GOT MY VOICE BACK!! YEA!!! Sorry to say that the monk-like silence is over in my household. (Sorry baby, its back to long drawn out conversations and lectures for you;-) I have been couped up in this house for too many days and I am looking forward to venturing out and reestablishing some routine. I will be heading back to the gym tomorrow and I am looking forward to getting out this weekend. As you all read, my Super Bowl "party" was a flop and I never made it to my book writing seminar:-( I am hoping that the missed occasions are now behind me as if you recall, I was looking forward to quite a few things this month. Illness certainly put a damper on the first part of the month, but I am hoping to salvage what I can of February. It is very cold today (21 degrees to be exact so shut it Tera!) but SUNNY, as I mentioned February always is! So that lifts my mood enough to slightly crawl out from underneath "The Post Holiday Blues."
But the news is not all good. I weighed myself today. Are you sitting down? I gained three pounds over my sick hiatus. Yep, three pounds. Can you say, "two steps forward, one step back?" I am trying my best to understand how that happened, considering I didn't eat for two days and I don't think Nyquil has that many calories. I'm sure the sofa riding had a lot to do with it, but more importantly it is the constant confirmation of my insulin issue. When you are truly insulin resistant, doing nothing wrong is as bad as doing something wrong because complacency is your worst enemy. A normal person would either lose weight while being sick or at the very least maintain, but not a person with an insulin problem. You must attack the problem head-on constantly or you will continue to go in the wrong direction. You can not imagine how frustrating this is- that feeling of having done nothing wrong but being punished anyways. It has taken me some time to get used to this idea. To accept it! I still, stubbornly, don't want to accept that I have a physical problem. This denial is what causes me to throw my hands up in the air and quit because well, it's much easier to think that way then to actually man-up and fight the problem. Maybe I should have made sure that I was taking my insulin medication as regularly as my cold medicine.
Oh well, it's what am I going to do about it now. I am back on track with eating regularly today (not skipping meals) and I am choosing the right things- protein driven foods, not the cream of wheat, papa bear oatmeal, and chicken noodle soup elixirs I lived on last week. I'm also making sure I'm taking my medication. I will happily be resuming my workouts tomorrow. I'm not gonna lie, it's been a tough week, but I can either wallow in my misfortune or I can pick myself up and carry on. Sure I might have lost the better part of two weeks to illness, but I emerged unscathed. Sure I might have soaked my entire stove in cheese soup, but hey, the good news is when we pulled the stove out from the wall we finally found those missing peppercorns we were looking for...LOL ;-) Life is all how you look at it and at the end of the day, I think we all have to be grateful for the life, wellness, and blessings God has given us.
"Gratitude is an art of painting an adversity into a lovely picture." - Kak Sri
What is interesting about the situation is that not much has changed. My biggest fear is being alone; a strange realization to have at this age when I am in many ways such an independent woman. While being alone is my fear, when I am under stress and my anxiety level becomes high I shut everyone out and turn to food. I isolate myself and turn to my coping mechanism. I hated having to do that as a child, but I voluntarily do it as an adult?!? In fact, to some degree I am doing it right now. I am so upset and embarrassed at my current condition, that I have somewhat isolated myself from the world until the problem is resolved. Because that's how I solve my problems, alone.
When I was young the number one thing I could have wished for was for someone to check in on me more often. To this day when my husband and I have an argument and I go silent or run and lock myself in a room because I "want" to be left alone, the thing I want the most is for him to chase after me and ask if I am okay? I want him to say, "let's fix this together, I care, how can I help you?" When he doesn't, nothing hurts me more! Because in that moment I feel alone and it reminds me of how I felt as a child when no one cared enough to check in. I'm good at being alone, but it's not what I truly desire. Wow! Doing this blog really is therapeutic.
If detox is what you are after, I would encourage you to check out The Fat Smash Diet by Ian Smith. I think there are some really good principles in this book and it has one of the best and safest detoxes I have come across. I'm concerned about your mention of the whole grains as in a true detox you want to stay clear of most of that, at least for the first week. The book suggests a cup of oatmeal or brown rice, but not much more than that initially. Then it walks you to a more balanced choice of foods, adding certain things back, a week at a time. For $11 (Amazon price) you can't beat it. (I am like a database of diet plans and nutritional reference materials...LOL) Dario and I don't do the detoxes anymore as around day ten we get so grouchy we become violent with one another. I think detoxes are excellent for initially breaking bad habits, but there is little evidence to support that they do anything beyond that.
Okay, on to me. So I am feeling much better today. I still look a little rough, a bit green around the gills if you will, but most importantly I GOT MY VOICE BACK!! YEA!!! Sorry to say that the monk-like silence is over in my household. (Sorry baby, its back to long drawn out conversations and lectures for you;-) I have been couped up in this house for too many days and I am looking forward to venturing out and reestablishing some routine. I will be heading back to the gym tomorrow and I am looking forward to getting out this weekend. As you all read, my Super Bowl "party" was a flop and I never made it to my book writing seminar:-( I am hoping that the missed occasions are now behind me as if you recall, I was looking forward to quite a few things this month. Illness certainly put a damper on the first part of the month, but I am hoping to salvage what I can of February. It is very cold today (21 degrees to be exact so shut it Tera!) but SUNNY, as I mentioned February always is! So that lifts my mood enough to slightly crawl out from underneath "The Post Holiday Blues."
But the news is not all good. I weighed myself today. Are you sitting down? I gained three pounds over my sick hiatus. Yep, three pounds. Can you say, "two steps forward, one step back?" I am trying my best to understand how that happened, considering I didn't eat for two days and I don't think Nyquil has that many calories. I'm sure the sofa riding had a lot to do with it, but more importantly it is the constant confirmation of my insulin issue. When you are truly insulin resistant, doing nothing wrong is as bad as doing something wrong because complacency is your worst enemy. A normal person would either lose weight while being sick or at the very least maintain, but not a person with an insulin problem. You must attack the problem head-on constantly or you will continue to go in the wrong direction. You can not imagine how frustrating this is- that feeling of having done nothing wrong but being punished anyways. It has taken me some time to get used to this idea. To accept it! I still, stubbornly, don't want to accept that I have a physical problem. This denial is what causes me to throw my hands up in the air and quit because well, it's much easier to think that way then to actually man-up and fight the problem. Maybe I should have made sure that I was taking my insulin medication as regularly as my cold medicine.
Oh well, it's what am I going to do about it now. I am back on track with eating regularly today (not skipping meals) and I am choosing the right things- protein driven foods, not the cream of wheat, papa bear oatmeal, and chicken noodle soup elixirs I lived on last week. I'm also making sure I'm taking my medication. I will happily be resuming my workouts tomorrow. I'm not gonna lie, it's been a tough week, but I can either wallow in my misfortune or I can pick myself up and carry on. Sure I might have lost the better part of two weeks to illness, but I emerged unscathed. Sure I might have soaked my entire stove in cheese soup, but hey, the good news is when we pulled the stove out from the wall we finally found those missing peppercorns we were looking for...LOL ;-) Life is all how you look at it and at the end of the day, I think we all have to be grateful for the life, wellness, and blessings God has given us.
"Gratitude is an art of painting an adversity into a lovely picture." - Kak Sri
Jennifer, you are brave to share such an honest post. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteMy pleasure! It is absolutely the truth. In the words of Dr. Phil, "you can't change what you don't acknowledge."
ReplyDelete